Wow! What a great poem! Your use of words is excellent and the pacing and transitions are smooth. Such great imagery entered my mind as I read that I felt that I was walking through the woods, surrounded by fallen leaves, breathing and smelling the cold still air. I enjoyed this!
The Pros:
+ What an interesting world you're crafting. By establishing a clear enemy (the Drakon) you are setting up the potential for a greater conflict. I also think it was interesting how Terra's captors, at least Christian, had the potential to become allies. Although I see Terra as the solo type.
+ The combat was fast paced and was fun to read.
+ Your grammar, punctuation, and use of words are on point and inspired me to become more descriptive of my characters in my own work.
The Cons:
- You used the word "well" 14 times in your excerpt. If you feel it gives more personality to how Terra speaks and/or thinks, I am all for it. For me though, it is something as noticeable as a verbal pause.
- The teenagers' height dimensions seemed unusually high, a 5'7'' 13 year old girl and a 5'11'' 15 year old boy.
Thank you for posting your story and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vprice
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:42pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
