Wow! What a great poem! Your use of words is excellent and the pacing and transitions are smooth. Such great imagery entered my mind as I read that I felt that I was walking through the woods, surrounded by fallen leaves, breathing and smelling the cold still air. I enjoyed this!
The Pros:
+ What an interesting world you're crafting. By establishing a clear enemy (the Drakon) you are setting up the potential for a greater conflict. I also think it was interesting how Terra's captors, at least Christian, had the potential to become allies. Although I see Terra as the solo type.
+ The combat was fast paced and was fun to read.
+ Your grammar, punctuation, and use of words are on point and inspired me to become more descriptive of my characters in my own work.
The Cons:
- You used the word "well" 14 times in your excerpt. If you feel it gives more personality to how Terra speaks and/or thinks, I am all for it. For me though, it is something as noticeable as a verbal pause.
- The teenagers' height dimensions seemed unusually high, a 5'7'' 13 year old girl and a 5'11'' 15 year old boy.
Thank you for posting your story and I look forward to reading more of your work.
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