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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/voice2bheard
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5 Public Reviews Given
85 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Liz Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey dollface. I like this one a lot. It's really pretty and sad. I'd just suggest capitalizing the first letter of each line (stanza one) and making the 'i' in if in the last stanza first line lowercase. It'd also be really pretty if you repeated the lines:

Tell me why you left us?

Tell me why you're gone?

Why did God take you?

somewhere again. I think they really add to the piece. I would, however, change the '?' after the first two into either a period or a comma because they are statements and not questions. Or you could change them into questions really easily by making it "Why did you leave us? Why are you gone?' Just a suggestion. Love you girl.

Lizabeth
2
2
Review by Liz Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like that. Especially the last verse with the lines "Hold us now forever. I hope it will be better." It's a nice piece. :)
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