I really enjoyed the story and look forward to reading some more when it comes out. There are only minor problems, such as typos, and a few sentences that could be restructured a little bit better as to flow more easily. For example, you typed:
The dresser plain and unadorned stained mahogany.
It is a very unusual sentence and simply doesn't flow with the rest of the paragraph, mostly because the story is written in the past tense and that sentence is a present tense sentence, if you rewrote it as ' His dressser was a plain one, made of unadorned stained mahogany." It would be the correct tense, and would also be a complete sentence instead of a fragment.
You did a great job, and the few issues you have are soo minor. you should be very proud. I hope you dont think Im nitpicking. It takes many stages of editing to perfect a novel. Good luck and let me know when you post more!!! Best of wishes :)
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