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2,441 Public Reviews Given
4,528 Total Reviews Given
I'm good at...
You'll get a mixture of proofreading and editing advice. I generally do a line by line.
Favorite Genres
Horror, fantasy, Sci-fi.
Least Favorite Genres
Do not care for works that straight dramas.
Favorite Item Types
Micro fiction, flash fiction, short stories, and chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
I know little of poetry and I do not care for straight dramas.
I will not review...
I review most things.
Public Reviews
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351
Review of WILLING TO LIVE  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

And welcome to Writing.com. I hope you get as out this site as I do.

These words almost burst with joy. Sometimes I wonder if I felt that way.

I found no errors with spelling, grammar, and or formatting.



As always,
Alice
352
352
Review of Feed the Soul  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

And welcome to Writing.com. I hope you get out of it as much as I do.

I love the opening stanza.

Great title.



lessness,

lessens,

Spelling maybe because I am in the USA and you are not.


I am just not sure if it really has a conclusion. Something about being full...


Now most of this great and different, which so wonderful.

If you have more dark things please let me know. I am an avid reader.


Alice
353
353
Review of Lyrical Message  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

And welcome to Writing.com.

Nice title.

Now I wrap myself around you like
A blanket full of doubt.

I love these line.


I think there is a lot of raw emotion.


I found no error in regards to spelling, grammar or formatting.


As always,

Alice
354
354
Review of Failure  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

And welcome to Writing.com.

Hear it everday,

everyday,


"It'll be alright, just give it time"

all right,

time."

If it'll be alright,

all right,

Everytime I fail, telling me I'm just not good enough

Every time



Minor notes really. They did not take away my enjoyment of the poem.

Alice
355
355
Review of My Wisdom's Pride  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,

And welcome to Writing.com.

I love the title.

I feel you have good cadence and a great sense of rhyme.

Round and circular like a caccoon

cocoon

Spelling note may only apply if you are in the USA.



With my mentor,my wisdom's pride, my friend,

mentor, my



Minor notes but they did not take away from my enjoyment.

Alice
356
356
Review of Ordinary  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

And welcome to Writing.com.

I love each word but for one line. That being: and deal with it,

I feel it would read better without it.

But listen to your heart before me.

Overall, this has an air truthfulness and hope.


As always,

Alice
357
357
Review of The Ivory Tree  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

And welcome to Writing.com.

I think you should make the title of the poem appear in bold. That is easy to do. Simple {b then place } so that it touches the b. To end, {/b then place } so that it touches the b.

Yet she cares the branches

I think it would make more sense if you were:

Yet she holds the branches

Hold on till her roots grow thin

Grasping till


Then must let go for the future holds

future unfolds



Lovely idea!


Alice
358
358
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello,

I love the title of this. I've ment to read it so many times.

I really like [Reamie and the Ace of Cakes] additions.


I have to say that you have got a great group of writers for this campfire.

It is interesting to read a groups work as a whole.

As always,

Alice
359
359
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Congratulations!

Merry Darkmass and Dreadful Holidays!


Your poem has won and first place!




Would you like a ribbon, (what color?)

and a merit badge

or one and the gift points

or just the gift points.



I wait your answer.

ALice
360
360
Review of Amends  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

Sonny took a large bite out of his five-napkin burger, wiping off a slim dribble of fat as it rolled down his chin.

This reads as if the burger is made out of five-napkins.


You take after your mom, thats for damn sure. Anyways, back to that burger...

that's


I guess your right though, I do owe you a moment's peace.

you're


You can watch people in ways you never could breathing, but you can't do anything.

breathe,


Hell, its only one-forty.

it's


“You say your not a violent person, but it doesn't take physical blows to hurt someone.

you're



“Dammit Landon, what's taking you so long!” Sony cold hear the killer walking toward his position.

Sony could hear



I think this is very enjoyable. It was easy to follow.


ALice
361
361
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello,

And welcome to Writing.com.

This is the last day of my life I say goodbye to the grife and strife without even a sigh.

grief


Im writing this poem so my family will know. I do really love them, its just my life hasn't been how I wanted it to be, Im locked up in a chains longing to be free.

You do this one twice here.

I'm


I'm stuck out in space and i can't touch the ground. I sit in my cage and watch as life passes me by and then as i sit there I slowly start to cry and come cries of anger an hate of anguish and sorrow.

You do this twice here.

I


There are too many mistakes at this time for me to rate this any higher. When you change this I will change my rate too.


Alice
362
362
Review of Lonely And Broken  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello,

And welcome to Writing.com.

This almost seems like a poem but you have chosen to present it as a paragraph. And because so I must judge as one.




I'm seen but unspoken, my life has been torn apart like a bridge being broken.

unspoken;




Alice
363
363
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello,

And welcome to Writing.com.

I think you should either remove the two periods or use them a little more.

my broken heart lies bleeding...cause you show you havent changed

haven't

Not bad. Far better than I could do but still a Wow! for me.


Alice
364
364
Review of Nightmare  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello,

And welcome to the Writing.com.

The trouble of one word titles is they do not stick out.

Okay I have to ask, if your feet never touch the ground then how can you crawl?

I am so sorry to say that I found this poem full of cliques and because of this, I cannot rate this any higher.

However I thought this had good structure.


Alice
365
365
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Glad to see you doing so well. I see you all over.

Great contest.

I think it might be a little easier to read and there for follow if things were more spaced out.



Thanks to a greatful artist who lended me this beautiful logo at another website!

grateful

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=2&q=grate...

It's lent

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/lended%20



You can't re-enter poems from the preceeding rounds.

preceding


~Choose a rose color from the five mentioned and interpret it's meaning in your own way~

its

Its -vs- It's: Apostrophe Abuse! Open in new Window. (E)
A brief essay about the oft-misused apostrophe in "it's".
#1215284 by Ladyoz Author IconMail Icon



I hope this helps.

Alice
366
366
Review of The River  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hello again!

The river was wide, but friendly, as the fields ran gently down to the water's edge.

I think this would read better if you were to remove a word. Consider:

The river was wide, but friendly, the fields ran gently down to the water's edge.

If you keep "as" it makes it seem like the fields are literally running.

In the distance you could see the town bridge from the park's riverside walks.

distance,

Sometimes after heavy rain it ran brown with mud, but today the little waves danced and glimmered in the bright warm sunshine.

today,


He’d been walking down from the old people’s home every day for over a year.

peoples'



I think you should rework some of the sentences that start with the same pronoun, "He." I think it slows it down.



He always sat on the same long bench, provided by the council, but today a couple were already on the bench, so he moved to the next one along.

couple was already


He would spend ages tapping out the burnt ash and refilling it with Murray’s shag plug which he took from a tin and rubbed in his wrinkled hands before pressing firmly into bowl.

plug, which


I really wish you would give this poor guy a name. Any name helps to create a character. Also, you have done little to show me what he looks like.



A dog ran beside her barking happily and the baby was sitting up laughing at the dog.

A dog ran beside her barking happily and the baby was sitting up laughing at the dog.

her, barking



All cheerful she said, “move up please, if you don’t mind it’s time for the baby’s bottle."

"Move


“Barbara” He said recovering from the shock.


“Barbara," he




“All my life?” He exclaimed, turning and looking puzzled.

If he "exclaimed" then it should be...

life!"




“Yes, all your life, you stupid man – he’s yours!” She said looking him straight in the face.

she said


“Mine? My son? Why on earth didn’t you contact me?”

Earth

It needs to be capitalized because you are referring to the planet and not soil.


He wasn’t exactly planned”

planned."



“ Barbara” He stopped short, at that moment the old man got up, steadied himself and walked slowly away leaning on his stick.

"Barbara," he

"Hang on a Minute".

minute."



The story is enjoyable, but because of the little mistakes and lack of description I cannot at this time give a higher rating. Should work on this, please let me know and I will return.


Alice
367
367
Review of Adiós Grasa  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Great opening. You do a great job of hinting at the story to come and giving us an idea of who the characters are.

I think you could done a little more to increase the tension.

I feel you did a great job with the prompt. And what you have, I found no errors.

What I nightmare.

I thought the ending was very memorable. Good job.


As a side note: Have you consider writing for other contest? I seem to recall you did.

Please consider...

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1300413 by Not Available.


"Invalid Item" Open in new Window.
368
368
Review of The Book Of Death  Open in new Window.
for entry "Epilogue" Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

We are putting together a group for horror novelist. We were hoping that you would consider becoming a member of scary band of writers.

I have placed this in my favorite list so that I might be able to come back and read it more leisurely.

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1364689 by Not Available.



ALice
369
369
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello,

I am reading for my contest " Merry Darkmass and Dreadful Holidays!"

I love the use of color and the way you centered it. The only small note is that there is too much room at the bottom, but that is minor.

Now Vic's in a chair,no legs to hold him up,

chair, no


Duey, the elf in charge ot the dolls,

of the dolls,



Paul, who was tiredand at the end of his rope,

tired and



lost it as the headbroke his kalidascope.

head broke



For the deer played a part in the cruelity they faced,

cruelty


They pulled him to the ground amd tore him apar,

and tore

him apart,



Very nice!



Alice
370
370
Review of Bankruptcy  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well this is a nice change from the regular poems about love or lost love.

I found no errors in spelling, grammar (well poems kind of have their own rules.) or formatting.

I thought this had a great sense of humor to it as well cadence and rhyme to it.


Alice
371
371
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well this is very nice.

Okay, I am going to take a shot, since you appear to like time travel and that sort of thing.

Now, do you think that it is likely true that many of the sound-waves, radio-waves that are soaring out to deep space, if you were to pick them one or more up, would they be in tact? Or would they be fractured?

Alice
372
372
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

I love the title. I made stop and check this out. I had to know.

I read this carefully and I can give you no notes for improvement. It all feels fine to me.

I am sure that many readers will be able to understand and identify with this snip of protest.


Alice
373
373
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello,

Here is what I think will help.


It looked like the giant black cliffs had heaved themselves out of the white-topped waves crashing at their feet.

Giant black cliffs heaved themselves out of the white-topped waves crashing at their feet.

I think this is much more vivid and clean.


Potatoes and three rows of cabbages grow reluctantly in a dug area surrounded by thick fuschia bushes for protection against the harsh elements

elements.


On Monday eleven souls lived in the cottage on Tuesday there were only ten.

Monday,

cottage;



The family called him wee Davy because he was Six Foot three inches and the tallest of the nine children.

six foot


He then drew him close and pressed a small leather pouch in to his hand and whispered “use this to buy your passage.”

whispered, "Use



I feel you should rework some of the sentences that start with the same pronoun "He." It will help with the overall flow of the story.



Many times, he had heard her praying with her Rosary that God would call him to the Priesthood.

rosary


He was sure he heard his father whisper “Davy, Davy go and make me proud”

whisper,

proud."



Years later, if his Father was looking down from above he would indeed be proud for Davy became famous.

father



Great opening. Wonderful place to stop.

I came close to rating this higher but my advice I have given I think will make this a better read.


Alice
374
374
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I am not sure what I was looking for when I found this, but it caught my eye.


I like the reference to "Spring Time for Hitler."



A weary sigh escaped Sid. "Ok, you're the historian, but could you be a little more politically correct about it?"

"OK,


It's power fluctuated, fading in and out with the whims of the ionosphere.

Its



Moments later, Nell's snowmobile pulled up alongside. {/b]

Moment's



You should try and send this one out!


Alice
375
375
Review of Last ride  Open in new Window.
Review by AliceNgoreland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello,

Thank you for taking part in my contest "Death..." I will read everything again in a few days, that is when I will make my final selections.

Now, I know I read this, and I see that I rated this. The questions is, did I give you any notes when I did?

If not PLEASE LET ME KNOW.

I think you should also enter this in the

 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1161788 by Not Available.


Alice
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