Your storytelling is excellent! This piece is very interesting and well written. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
The entire story is well crafted. You've managed to stick to the word limit and still write something that keeps the reader's interest.
Your grammar and punctuation are perfect! I did spot one spelling error though. 'Signaling' should be spelt with one 'l' not two.
I really don't have any suggestions for improvement. I hope you are planning to write the rest of this story. I have a feeling it will turn out to be very good.
You've written a good story. It's very moving, emotional and sad. Good work!
Here are my review comments.
The begining
I found the begining very captivating! It was almost like poetry with very strong emotion. It made me want to continue reading.
The flow
I found the flow of the story to be a little uneven and a bit difficult to follow the first time around. You might want to revise the order of the paragraphs. I think the fourth paragraph can come as the second.
The end
The ending was great! It was very poignant and you can really feel the grief. It's the perfect conclusion!
Other elements
The story held my attention all the way through. The emotions were very real and I could relate to them well.
There were a few errors.
What did I need to break open? Too grieve for you?
This should be What did I need to break open to grieve for you?
I feel your lost most poignantly ...
This should be I feel your loss most poignantly ...
Overall this is a very good piece. It just needs a bit more fine tuning.
Keep writing!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/unicorn2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 4:35am on Dec 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Hi witchy winklett,
Wonderful story! I enjoyed this tremendously.
Here are my review comments.
Starting with the title, I loved it. It's very intriguing and made me want to read the story. A good story always needs a good title.
My favorite lines, 
Your storytelling is excellent! This piece is very interesting and well written. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
The entire story is well crafted. You've managed to stick to the word limit and still write something that keeps the reader's interest.
Your grammar and punctuation are perfect! I did spot one spelling error though. 'Signaling' should be spelt with one 'l' not two.
I really don't have any suggestions for improvement. I hope you are planning to write the rest of this story. I have a feeling it will turn out to be very good.