The poem is written well. As a reader I wonder if this is new love or a love that has occurred for several years. It also makes me wonder that if it was a new love if this is the same love that will be felt in ten year. Your girlfriend is lucky to have someone who can express their feelings so clearly.
Right on! I agree completely with everything that you have said. I especially agree with the text speech and the misspelling as no-no's. Nothing makes me crazier than having to figure out what someone is truly trying to say by figuring out all the misspellings and text talk. I want to read and enjoy it, not give myself a headache.
This poem reminds me of the song by Miranda Lambert " Life in a small town." Obviously you have lived in a small town at some point in your life, the poem speaks truth. Life in a small time seems never changing and often outsiders are not accepted well even if they marry an insider. I know this personally. Thank you for sharing.
Coming from a military family, I know all too well how flashbacks can afftect a family. The middle portion where the flashbacks occur is not real clear, there is a lot of space before and after the flashback segment, however there needs to be more description, ex, Noah's eyelids closed and the night sweats began or the screams with in his head became louder and louder. There just needs to be a clear transition from the now and the past.
The poem paints a very clear visual image. There are a few misspellings: in the third paragragh the word strength the last to letters are reversed. In the same paragraph the word splendor has an extra a in it. The fourth paragraph the last sentence there should be a coma after the word win. Great imagery, keep writing.
The poem is true and from the heart. I hope your friend knows how much you cherish her. Thank you for sharing your feelings of friendship. The only suggestion I have is don't focus so much on the rhyming aspect of the poem. Write freely and confidently. Your writing will and does express itself.
Another great poem. As an educator I can see this poem in the classroom as a poem of illustration, but also as a tool for analysis of bugs in our surroundings. It is great. Your writing is amazing.
The poem is good. I recommend that you expand it a little more. I just start to get into the poem when it ends. I know some feel that a poem has to be short and sweet, but Poe and Shakespeare didn't have that view, nor many others, write on. Tell your readers more about love, desire and hope.
Filled with humor. I love it. People often think about what it will be like when they get older, but the poem had an interesting twist to review the life of a supernatural being and what it is like for them to get older. Well written, attention grabbing and very funny. Great job.
The poem is good, however I feel like you are putting to much focus on rhyming. Remember there are so many different kinds of poetry not every stanza or every other line has to rhyme. Be free within your writing to release yourself. The poem gives the sense that you are holding back and I really think it is because you are trying to stay with in that pattern of Rhyming. You are a good writer, it is ok to step out of your comfort zone as a writer and try different writing style. Again the poem is good.
I can relate to this poem very much. I do not get the feeling that you are old by any stretch of the imagination. I think health concerns are hitting our society much younger due to food choices that are out there. The poem is well written. I love the descriptions within the poem. The worries are real and felt daily. Any doctor's office looks and feels like this on a daily basis. Great job and continue writing heart felt things.
Very interesting. I think the story line has great potential and would love to read more of the story and see where it goes. It is attention grabbing. The story leaves you wanting more and wanting answers. It is apparent that the detective loves her job and is compationate about it. The kidnapper I want to see him squirm. Will there be more to come?
WOW! This has great visual and suspense. I love it. It makes you question what is going on through the whole story until the very end. I would absolutely read a longer version of this. You have a great writing style. I hope you post more of your work soon.
The story line has a great influence from Harry Potter. Don't assume that all your readers have read Harry Potter or even like the series. I am a huge fan of Harry Potter and know of the terms such as muggle, squib and auror, but describe this terms for other readers. Expand on the secrets between her and her brother. Explain why she wanted to adopt Mir and why she wants to protect Tia. The story has potential, however, write from your own point of creativity. It is ok to do fan art/writing, but truly make it your own.
The introduction needs more. Don't start with the threat with no lead up. The man appearing is a great warning, but the story needs more. The ideas are good, but expand on those ideas. Describe more in your writing; describe the surroundings in each area of the story.
I think the story line is good, however describe your characters. Let your readers know what the characters look like, describe what they are feeling with facial expressions and body language. There needs to be a little bit of a back story as well, tell us how Celina's father received the curse and who placed it on him.
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