So many ways to read this, to interpret it. I love a poem that leaves you thinking, wondering, breathless and has that little twist that you just can't shake at the end. Keep on writing! You are just scratching the surface of emotions.
Wow! You captured a lot of the spirit of the WDC community through your words. Enjoyed this poem and glad you found it a home, here on WDC, the best place to be:)
Lovely lyrical poem describing your granddaughter. I can relate to this as I have one of those as well. I connected to the lines "Angel in disguise, A heart filled with tender grace" especially. What a blessing!
I really liked this poem until I reached the last verse. I understand the feeling you are trying to convert, that loss, that darkness, that emptiness. But I think you need more in the last verse. it was anticlimactic. It's the the last two lines I'm having a issue with. As I read the poem, I thought you were caring for yourself with the picture you painted and expressing all the desires many have. I liked the yin/yang effect of the poem - I want this, but not too much of this. I see you striving for balance. And it is well represented in the poem. I did not see any punctuation and / or grammar issues. Overall, it is a really good poem. Please continue to write; I look forward to reading more of your writing.
You are the lucky recipient of a Power Raid Review.
I'm reviewing your story "And Then There Were Two".
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your poem! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
Title: An engaging title and description
Plot, Characters, Scene: Inspiration for the settings, characters and story comes from real life characters and events. Believable and engaging.
Suggestions: Continue to write more about this life adventure
Overall Impression: An immersive and engaging read that could have been two short stories easily. Writer used creative and descriptive imagery throughout the story well. Much pathos engendered and conveyed well.
Final Thoughts: Consider pulling these stories together into a memoir. You have a compelling life story to tell.
This is heart wrenching and there are tears in my eyes, reading this.What mother wouldn't give anything to turn back time and keep her child safe? You captured that thought so poignantly, seriously heartfelt writing!
My only picky word corrections would be an apostrophe on the 8th line for the word "I'd". I would also change the numbers to the written form - for example, four instead of 4. Just suggestions :)
My favorite descriptive line:"…twilight slips into her indigo gown". There are many to choose from - creative use of imagery throughout.
Overall impression is a poem incredibly well-crafted and clearly written from the heart.
Hi! I am reviewing your story: "Heaven" I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression:This story paints an idyllic picture of paradise on earth (or heaven).
Plot: Not well-dvevloped; I would like to know more about the lone human character.
Style and Voice: Creative; uses imagery well.
Scene/Setting: Very detailed scene description
Characters: One human, several animals, all well-dscribed and defined. This is a strength of this little story.
Dialog:None
Grammar and Mechanics:Several sentences are fragments; grammar, syntax and punctuation need attention. Nothing that another read-through would not catch.
Suggestions:Proof-read and watch possessive's - for example: "a lackadaisical young woman caramel alluring body.." should be "a lackadaisical young woman's caramel alluring body…"
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
I will be glad to review and rate your story again if you make changes. Please let me know. I think this is a great start!
You are the lucky recipient of a Power Raid Review.
I'm reviewing your poem "Mother's Love.
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your poem! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
TITLE:Appropriate to the content
IMAGERY:Minimal use of imagery to describe a mother's love; this is a strong line "I was the tree giving you food, shelter, love and care" is very descriptive.
RHYMING & REPETITION:No rhyming or repetition.
RHYTHM, STRUCTURE & FORM:Freeform poem
SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT: This poem suffers heavily from the use of text message abbreviations. For example, "U" should be properly spelled "you"; "ur" is not acceptable in writing "your". Grammar, syntax and expression of thought struggle in many places
OVERALL IMPRESSION:The sentiments expressed in this poem are intense and deserve a better presentation. There is a mother's love, the struggles, conflicts and emotional pain of raising a child, the longing for a better life for the son and a desire not to be forgotten by him. The content is rich; I would be glad to revise the rating on this poem if some of the syntax and spelling problem areas were corrected.
Thank you for letting me review this poem. I enjoyed reading it; keep writing!
Wow, is all I really have to say! Beautifully composed and creative poem.
Just wow!!
No grammar or syntax errors.
The imagery and artistry is stunning and each word flows to the next in perfect syncopation.
Did I say WOW??
One thought, but it may be a different spelling that is acceptable - pallet I think of as a wooden platform to hold things for loading or shipping; palette I think of as an artist's paint board. But this is minor.
Again - WOW.
Sabaka
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I've been perusing some of your writing. I tend to avoid dark genres but sometimes, the writing is so good, you just have to read on. You clearly have a gift.
The title is appropriate to the technique of personification. You capture the ups and downs of love well with good meter and eloquent praises and imagery. Rhyme scheme is a little tricky, but it works.
This is an engaging poem with no spelling or grammar or syntax errors. A reader can relate to this poem and the feelings it portrays; poem flows extremely well.
I truly enjoyed this!
Sabaka
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This is so beautiful and so sad! I don't really know how to review haiku, but this is touching. The loss of a pet is never easy. I like that you captured the Rainbow Bridge concept with three words. Clearly this was an unexpected and heartfelt loss for all.
Beautiful poem with 5-7-5 rhyme scheme, haiku form.
Condolences on your loss and congrats on this lovely tribute!
I am consistently overwhelmed and impressed by the depth of your expression and the new heights of creativity that you reach.What a pleasure to read such a creative tome!
Taking Poe's poem and re-creating a homage to Election Day is brilliant! Your expression and depth of knowledge along with your fluency of expression comes through. Thank you for capturing this historic event with such incredible depth of emotion and description.
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The title of this poem enticed me; I can relate to all of the activities you describe so well!! I love the freeform approach to this; it almost has a child-like chant rhythm to it, like "one potato, two potato" and other silly rhymes we said as children.
I love it!! Great revision....I think you captured the essence of what you wanted to, included more descriptors/imagery and it flows like water in a babbling brook:)
It is overall easier to read, does not feel titled and has good rhythm. You write free verse very well.
Enter it into the Shadows and Light Contest - I think that's the free verse one - if you don't have to conform to a prompt:)
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your poem! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
TITLE: Appropriate to the content; title reflects intent of poem.
IMAGERY: Some descriptive imagery used.
RHYMING & REPETITION: None; freeform poem
RHYTHM, STRUCTURE & FORM: Freeform with almost consistent metric pattern.
SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT: For some reason to me this poem feels stilted and awkward; there is a lot of doublespeak going on in the last 3 stanzas. It seems as though you can't make up your mind with regard to the direction the poem should take. I think that if you used that "Or was never lost to be found" approach just once in the poem, it would be more effective, instead or repeating similar phrases at the end of the next two stanzas. Not sure if I am being clear here, but I think this poem has possibility and I understand that you want to make the point that "love [is] misplaced but never lost". No grammar or syntax errors noted.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Freeform poem expressing the ups and downs of a relationship, perhaps a couple going through a difficult time, with the reassurance that love will surface again if you "believe in the possibility".
Thank you for letting me review this poem. It was an interesting read; keep writing!
Sabaka
Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.~~Robert Frost
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your poem! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
TITLE: Appropriate to content of poem; fitting title.
IMAGERY: Consistent use of descriptive and technical words and terms.
RHYMING & REPETITION: None; acbd rhyme scheme.
RHYTHM, STRUCTURE & FORM: Quatrain structure, good rhyming pattern and structure.
SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT: Just two picky things: give/receive I would change to give and receive; suggest changing A & B to A, B or A and B.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Technically correct little poem about matching blood types, a very important task!, with poetic and moral analogy cohesively concluding the poem. This poem is one of the best I have read and your style is quite easy and enjoyable to read. I believe you have a gift.
Thank you for letting me review this poem. I enjoyed reading it; keep writing!
Sabaka
Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.~~Robert Frost
Hi! I am reviewing your story: "Valley View Debutante Ball". I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: I could see this as being the opening for a "who did it" type of novel or novella. I enjoyed reading this and thought is was just the right length. Also, I appreciated the spacing between paragraphs; it's much easier on the reader's eye and helps consolidate the thoughts in each one.
Plot: Introduction of a debutante is the setting for petty crime.
Style and Voice: Simple, folksy, perhaps of an earlier era; conversational.
Scene/Setting: Not really well described beyond the name of the location. The reader must deduce from other clues that this is an upscale event at likely an upscale location or a large home (manor).
Characters: Well-defined in first few paragraphs.
Dialog: Minimal but fits with the story.
Grammar and Mechanics: The only thing I saw was that "lallygag" is usually spelled "lollygag". Your spelling is considered acceptable I believe as it is identified as a variant.
Suggestions: Perhaps continue to develop this as a story or novel.
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your poem! Whatever I say, whether positive or negative, is just my opinion!
TITLE: Appropriate to the content; title has a contrasting hook - midnight and oceans.
IMAGERY: Consistent use of descriptive and imaginative words.
RHYMING & REPETITION: "Cobalt waves" and "deep darkness" repeated every other verse and both in final stanza; aba rhyme pattern.
RHYTHM, STRUCTURE & FORM: Primarily tercet/triplet form with final quatrain -style verse abaa rhyme scheme.
SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT: Consider the use of color or italics with repeated lines for added visual emphasis.
OVERALL IMPRESSION: Lovely poem painting word pictures of the ocean in the dark; one can almost hear the rhythmic swoosh of the waves and visualize the interplay of color. No grammar or syntax errors noted. An enjoyable read.
Thank you for letting me review this poem. I enjoyed reading it; keep writing!
Sabaka
Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words.~~Robert Frost
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