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196 Public Reviews Given
285 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of War of the Sunset  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi! I'm True and I'm a judge for [#] "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.
I'll be reviewing
 War of the Sunset Open in new Window. (18+)
1st Place WINNER in the Tales from the Dark Side contest - Man is an endangered species.
#1694916 by The Huntress ~ Finding Love Author IconMail Icon
for the contest, and I would like to thank you for your participation!

Rating:
*Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

What I liked:
The beginning journal entry is a great start to the story. Post apocalyptic earth ravaged by the Rots (great name by the way)-- It really gives you something to think about.
I can't believe Jordan killed them all! Amidst the horror of day to day life, bloodshed among comrades is the last thing you'd think about.
That last line was a real kicker, and so very true. Just reading it gave me chills.

Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
"Sunrise fast approaching, and that was good because it meant that the last night-shift guarding the walls could get some much needed sleep"
Doesn't this need to be Sunrise WAS fast approaching?

That's all I saw; very nice work!

What I didn't Like:
--N/A

Final Thoughts:
This story was VERY well written, nearly flawless. It gives background to your character and makes the reader relate with her past. She has that fear behind her courage, and that makes her real.
You've done a very good job, and this was a pleasure to read.

I would like to stress that these are just my thoughts on the piece, and that you should feel free to take or disregard them. Thank you for your entry, and best of luck in the contest!

True-Romantic
2
2
Review of Monster Justice  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hi! I'm True and I'm a judge for [#] "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.
I'll be reviewing
 Monster Justice Open in new Window. (18+)
When a human is accused of a crime in a world of monsters, only the real criminal can help
#1625117 by BIG BAD WOLF is Merry Author IconMail Icon
for the contest, and I would like to thank you for your participation!

Rating:
*Star**Star**Halfstar*

Thoughts:
This story was... bizarre rather than a horror/scary story. Paranormal, I suppose, but bizarre.
The story moves too fast, its like a skipping tape almost, and it's almost random lines like this that throw people off:
"When James woke up, he was naked and on a platter, with the Judge looking at him."

Spelling/Grammatical Errors:
No errors presented themselves to me, so great job!

What I didn't Like:
Your reference to your characters leaves something to be desired. In any story it's important how you bring about your characters, and you fail to give them any substance whatsoever. They're bland and cold, and turn your reader off almost immediately.

Next, you seem to be fond of telling rather than showing. This sentence, for example:
"looking at the owner, who is dead, as by the fact that he has the end of a horn coming out of his mouth, and his blood is pooling on the floor."
You don't need to say he's dead. There's enough evidence to draw that conclusion without throwing in the obvious.
There are a lot of people who have trouble with showing, but I think you could easily master if it you had a mind to.
*Smile*

Final Thoughts:
If you gave this story and characters some meat, this could be turned into a very good read. As it stands though, it needs work.

I would like to stress that these are just my thoughts on the piece, and that you should feel free to take or disregard them. Thank you for your entry, and best of luck in the contest!

True-Romantic
3
3
Review of Blue Bird  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi! I‘m True and I‘ll be reviewing you today! I would like to point out ahead of time that these notes are purely my opinion, and I mean only to help you towards your writing goals. Feel free to completely disregard this, if that be your pleasure. So, here we go!

What I Liked :
Hatchling - I love that.
The ending of this poem is beautiful, and of course my favorite part. Her “blue bird” is a source of pleasure, of comfort, one would imagine. To know it was there, In her moment of need, was a perfect way to end this poem.

What Could Have Been Changed:
--Didn’t see any issues

Ending Thoughts:
You did marvelously with this contest entry, and it was well written.

Thanks for another great read!
True-Romantic

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4
4
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! It’s me again! This is review 9 of 10.

You know, I'm glad you wrote this. Not only because I'm sure there were some people that were wondering about your name, but because you give some background information about SISCO.
It always adds a dynamic for me when you can see how a story was originally thought out, how it changed and bounced from idea to idea and then finally how it comes to be on paper. (And I know I've mentioned it, but Kilo was an awesome idea. Agent Kilo. Love it.)
WDC is happy to have you, and we're all eager to read and help with whatever you need. (But you know that already!)
I hope SISCO, in it's completed state, is another thing to blow away your expectations because it did mine as it is.

Thanks for letting me be a part of helping it along!
---True/Lauren
5
5
Review of My Guardian Angel  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! It’s me again! This is review 8 of 10. I would like to point out ahead of time that these notes are purely my opinion, and I mean only to help you towards your writing goals. Feel free to completely disregard this, if that be your pleasure. So, here we go!

What I Liked :
Another beautifully written poem, with a heart felt thought in mind. It’s always something that I think about when I’m down or there’s been some tragedy to speak of-- a guardian angel. I believe that we have guardian angels, who else would keep up alive from half of the stupid stuff we do?
This was sad in a sense, and then it rounds back to bring a feeling of being content.

What Could Have Been Changed:
Nothing I noticed.

Ending Thoughts:
The picture there adds a great touch to the poem.

Thanks for another great read!
True-Romantic
6
6
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi! It’s me again! This is review 7of 10. I would like to point out ahead of time that these notes are purely my opinion, and I mean only to help you towards your writing goals. Feel free to completely disregard this, if that be your pleasure. So, here we go!

What I Liked :
That was adorable! And true as well - for when does one ever really think of how to explain love? Let alone explain love to a child, simple by nature.
This poem was simple yet beautiful, and it made me smile.
You deserve kudos for that! haha

What Could Have Been Changed:
Nothing that I saw.

Ending Thoughts:
(Just a thought, I like how you include the Critic Quotes Reviews in your pieces, it looks good there, I just had to mention it.)

Thanks for another great read!
True-Romantic
7
7
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! It’s me again! This is review 6 of 10. I would like to point out ahead of time that these notes are purely my opinion, and I mean only to help you towards your writing goals. Feel free to completely disregard this, if that be your pleasure. So, here we go!

What I Liked :
Oh, my, what a heart-wrenching read, filled with tears of remembrance and sorrow for days filled with love that were damned to be naught but memories. Their child, a precious gift that must face life without father and life with weary mother, touched by sorrow. You’ve done a magnificent job of capturing grief.
The last stanza is the most touching as it shows the hardships that must now be faced, the toll it’s taken on her.
There’s a special chamber reserved in my heart for pieces like this that make you remember, make you think, make you cherish.

What Could Have Been Changed:
Not one thing.

Ending Thoughts:
I can’t express any more for this poem, as it expresses everything by itself. It was a fabulous read.

Thanks for another great read!
True-Romantic
8
8
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi! My name’s True and I’m going to be reviewing you today! I would like to point out ahead of time that these notes are purely my opinion, and I mean only to help you towards your writing goals. Feel free to completely disregard this, if that be your pleasure. So, here we go!

Title: Lady of the Moon
Chapters 1-2

*lightbulb* Initial Thoughts :
Because your chapters are so small, I would consider ridding yourself of two chapters in this item. Instead, I would compile the two chapters together into one, as it would fit and appear better presented to the reader. Chapter one seems more to me like a prologue, so maybe changing chapter one to “Prologue” and then chapter two into chapter one would fit better?
All up to you!
As for the content, at a first look, I’m quite interested, so lets see where it goes!

*exclamation* Thoughts After Reading:
Chapter one:
I like that you bruised Thalassa up, that you wanted to further show what kind of conditions she was a slave under. It gives that effect that makes your audience want to connect with her, feel with her, and most importantly want to know more about her. She’s a strong young girl, and you show that she’s strong by how she was desperate to leave for self preservation.
Then there’s this man. At this part in the story he’s just as important as she is, what with how he is with her. He changes and shapes dynamics, giving her an honest look at friendship, showing her something new.

“but even a name from a mans lips can last a lifetime.” --- This line is one of my favorites in your first chapter. It’s a thought what lingers, one that changes your character. In a sense it’s like he gave her herself. He gave her something that she’d lost.
(I like him.)
Good job with this, it sets the groundwork for chapter two.

Chapter Two:
You added background information here which was greatly needed. You provided it with a balance of detail, shedding light where light was needed and giving none where it was for the audience to connect the dots. (We like that, *Wink*)
Your sensory detailing is good, and I think you would benefit from adding a little more into the story. Lines like this, for example, give an idea of the feeling of grass beneath your feet and how we would fill in Thalassa’s place. (Or Helena, I should say)
For this period in time, your writings of the interaction between characters, townspeople, family, is accurate and realistic as is the character dialogue.
(Ooooh, and scandal is good too) - on the scene with the Lady of the Moon.
The last feeling you give your reader is one of foreboding, showing that woman and giving the last line a simple, understated tone.
Very nice again!

*Note1* Final Thoughts :
I think you’ve done a great job here, no grammatical or spelling errors as far as I can see. Though it’s short for chapters, it gives a simple look into the story. It’s easy to follow, and understand which is harder to do these days.
I like this (These) works, and I thank you for posting so I could have the pleasure of reading it!

True-Romantic
9
9
Review of Tasty.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
L-M-A-O

I may have reviewed this already. You know what though? I don't care. This is fantastic and I get the most delightfully evil giggles from it. You are a master my darling, a master.
Now, stop being mean and go do something productive...
Okay I'm kidding. BRING THE HAVOC.
(But don't tell anyone I told you to)

Heh, marvelous. MWAH Cori.
---True/Lauren
10
10
Review of Blood Red Rose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Despite the fact that you KNOW I disapprove of such devious writings, I think you've done a very good job in writing it.
The plot was clear and concise, the dialogue working well with your characters...
It was beautiful. The content, that is. The restoration of "innocence" despite the hideous nature of the man.
I knew it. Deep inside, you're a twisted romantic! Hehe, adorable.
Lovely writing. Lovely story.

I give you an A.
---Lauren/True
11
11
Review of The Lake  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ria Author Icon

Hello. I am Professor True from your class of Short Stories 101 at the Writer’s Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson Three. I apologize for the delay but my net is strictly restricted right now.

Grade: 95% -- 4.5

Plot: You’re very attentive to how you interest the reader. The scene of the water, the description, and the movement is all capturing. It draws right into the actual storyline. The dramatic tones towards the end are the final pull, grabbing the reader by the heart strings.

Style & Voice: You have a strong narrative voice in this piece, and it’s very effective for the reader. Clear and concise, you made it easy to fall into beat with the story.
(Also easy to fall INTO the story!)

Referencing: The referencing is very consistent. The character stays very constant in the memories and the feelings surrounding them.

Scene/Setting: The descriptiveness used here was marvelous. You made it look so easy to paint a picture.
“The boards of the old dock were warped and weathered. Years of harsh winters and neglect had increased the gaps.”
This really stood out for me, and I’m very pleased with your abilities to write the reader in.

Characters: Your character as well as the minor characters are very strong. Even the small characters have enough background to make a dent in the story—Stand out, so to speak. You seem to have developed them rather well.

Grammar: I didn’t see any glaring mistakes, or small ones either for that matter

Just My Personal Opinion: An absolutely beautiful read. I felt such strong sorrow as I neared the end, sorrow for the woman losing her cherished get-a-way. It was a little heartwrenching on the last line, and that was one of the most impacting sentence of the piece, I feel.
You have done a wonderful job here. Bravo!

Prof. True
12
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Ria Author Icon

Hello. I am Professor True from your class of Short Stories 101 at the Writer’s Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson Four. I apologize for the delay but my net is strictly restricted right now.

Grade: 95% -- 4.5

Plot: Sounds capturing enough to keep interest. I highly approve of this type of antagonist. It’s always nice to see something out of same old mold, you know?


Style & Voice: It seems that you know well enough how you are going to develop the relationship here between the “antagonist” and protagonist. It’s coming together very nicely, as I see.

Referencing: The referencing between the guilt and patient seem to be consistent for the protagonist, for the most part.

Scene/Setting: (----)

Characters: Very believable character, as well as interesting. It’s not unusual for this to happen in our real lives, and that in itself makes it reach for your attention.

Grammar: “The quilt soon follows”
I believe you mean “guilt”—small mistake *Smile*

Just My Personal Opinion: If I were thinking about picking up your piece, I would definitely do so after reading this. It’s compelling and grabbing… Very good.

Prof. True
13
13
Review of Broken Promises  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm True and this is a Simply Positive - Angel Army !

First Thoughts:
Broken promises can never lead anywhere too good.

What I liked:
Despite the very simplistic manner in which you went about this, it’s straight to the point and comes across as heart felt (which is very good.)
Behind the words is a beautiful picture of love and adoration, as you said, even if just for today.

Suggestions for improvement - Grammar/Spelling:
To make me more in love with you

This particular line is a little off. More in love with you? Maybe it just doesn’t sound right to me. I think it would, in my opinion, read better with “To make me fall deeper in love with you” maybe? Ah well, anything you choose would be fine, as I said—this just reads a little bit awkward.


Final Thought(s) or Favorite Part(s):
The flow was good, which is always a plus—and the syllable count was constant enough to keep it going.
Overall a nice read, good work doll.

Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please feel free to email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (True-Romantic)
14
14
Review of SS101 Lesson #2  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ria Author Icon

Hello. I am Professor True from your class of Short Stories 101 at the Writer’s Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson Two.

Grade: 5.0 (100%)

Plot: So far it seems like you have a fairly decent idea of what you’re doing with this outline. You have enough detail and thought to make and keep up with a substantial character.

Style & Voice: ----

Referencing: -----

Scene/Setting: I’m glad you included both places of residence, Lake and New York—as both could be important.

Characters: A very believable character, I think your young lady is very well developed.

Grammar: (Not that this is any issue in an outline, but I saw nothing that was wrong with your grammar)

Just My Personal Opinion: You’ve done a marvelous job with this lesson, brava!

Prof. True
15
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Review of SS 101 Lesson 1  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello. I am Professor True from your Short Stories 101 class at the Writer’s Academy. This is a review of your assignment for Lesson One.

Grade: 4.0 (90%)

Plot: What I liked here was not only the electricity in the story’s air, but the electric feel in the air around the reader! It was easy to fall into step with the narrator. The pace was a little more sped up than most short stories call for, but I felt it worked well with the overall mood of the piece.

Style & Voice: The voice and style were strong, and though the piece was just hitting the 500 word mark and was a little short—I found that it was effective.

Referencing: The one sentence stating that the narrator had been racing since childhood was okay, though I would have liked a little more on it. There could be a meaty description in there somewhere about the motivation behind racing the weather, maybe?

Scene/Setting: The scene work was good, not too much, not too little. There was a particular line that I enjoyed here—

Leaves on the trees had begun to appear and the ice upon the lakes surface had broken and begun drifting off in the swift current.
I thought this was perfect for this piece, very nice job.

Characters: For the most part, you acting as a narrator was a good idea to keep things neat and simple. It worked.
The storm was a good partner for you—It worked in easily and right to your advantage—Very easy to manipulate. I thought it was well done.


Grammar: The only grammatical error I noticed was this line right here. It needs a semicolon after simple rather than a comma. Joining the sentence is too much work for a comma, *Bigsmile*

--- The race was simple, could I make it to shelter before the storms rage overtook me?

Just My Personal Opinion: Your descriptions were very pleasing to the reader. You really know how to use a little to paint a lot—which is important. You JUST hit past the 500 word line, and I think you could have made a stunning, longer read should you have expanded.
Overall, good job.


Prof. True
16
16
Review of Snowed In  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I'm True and this is a Simply Positive - Angel Army !

*Idea* First Thoughts *Idea* :
Mmmm honey buns!

*Thumbsup* What I liked *Thumbsup* :
Heheh, bet you'll change glasses eh? *bigmsile* Given the prompt, I think the story wrapped around it perfectly, very nice job!

*Exclaim* Suggestions for improvement - Grammar/Spelling *Exclaim* :
None--

*Star* Final Thought(s) or Favorite Part(s) *Star* :
"Cinnamon?"
Hehehehe, glasses doll, glasses.

Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please feel free to email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (True-Romantic)

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17
Review of When Animals Talk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I'm True and this is a Simply Positive - Angel Army !

*Idea* First Thoughts *Idea* :
Talking animals always lead to trouble *bigmsile*

*Thumbsup* What I liked *Thumbsup* :
Hahaha, very nice humorous bit!

*Exclaim* Suggestions for improvement - Grammar/Spelling *Exclaim* :
None--

*Star* Final Thought(s) or Favorite Part(s) *Star* :
I have to say, that last part was just great.
“Not really. Just wanted to warn you the cat licked it while you weren’t looking.”
(Sounds like something my cat would do!)

Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please feel free to email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (True-Romantic)

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18
18
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm True and this is a Simply Positive - Angel Army review!

*Idea* First Thoughts *Idea* :
Sweet -- Goodluck on your NaNo, this should keep you occupied. Even though I know it won't. *Bigsmile*

*Thumbsup* What I liked *Thumbsup* :
Description and detail-- There was a perfect amount, enough to leave your reader caught up in your story and the painted picture before them. Also, it's easy to tell that you enjoy your battle scenes (hah) and they were very well done.
Dialogue-- Realistic, or I should say as realistic as one can be in a fantasy. Again, well done.

*Exclaim* Suggestions for improvement - Grammar/Spelling *Exclaim* :
I poured over it, and saw nothing that needed fixing. Though I believe the writer could always improve, it's often times only the writer that knows what truly doesn't belong.

*Star* Final Thought(s) or Favorite Part(s) *Star* :
On a last note-- the structure of this piece was near flawless. To find it without error is very pleasing to the eye as well as the overall piece.

Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (Her Royal Trewbieness)

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19
19
Review of Colour me Pink.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I'm True and I will be reviewing your piece
Colour me Pink. Open in new Window. (E)
The ones who are different need understanding and encouragement.
#1354088 by Just an Ordinary Boo! Author IconMail Icon
for the "Just Ink It" contest.

What I liked:
Ah, to be shunned for being different. Too common, and a shame. Your poem was flawless in rhyme, and though I'm not familiar with this particular style, I can appreciate it as you've done so well. I enjoyed that you kept building up your dragon through the story, showing that she was just as good as any of the others. We all need to have a little faith, a little hope.
(Also, choosing to make your font pink and add pictures were great touches!)

Suggestions for improvement- -Spelling/Grammar Errors:
I didn't see anything that needed to be fixed, wonderful.

Final Thought(s) - or - Favorite Part(s):
My favorite part was the seventh stanza, I enjoyed the fact that your dragon found out how powerful she could be.
Thank you for entering this contest, we appreciate your participation and look forward to see you again in future rounds!


Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (True-Romantic)

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20
20
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, I'm True and I will be reviewing your piece
The Phantom Of The Hallows Open in new Window. (E)
On a dark scary night in the fall
#1482730 by ShiShad Author IconMail Icon
for the "Just Ink It" contest.

What I liked:
The rhyme scheme was very good, except for a few minor places, and this Halloween poem is absolutely marvelous! I loved the shadow that the reader can practically feel falling over them as they picture a quest for revenge. Great job.

Suggestions for improvement- -Spelling/Grammar Errors:
*Here, does the word "demon" really need to be cap.ed?
"A Demon, who sets his course"

**In the second stanza, are the "~" needed? They seem out of place, like a mistake.

***There is a bit of faltering in your rhyme, in the the third stanza. "Disloyal" and "betrayel" don't give your poem the perfect flow it's SO close to gaining!

Final Thought(s) - or - Favorite Part(s):

My favorite portion of this poem was the second stanza. The rhyme is perfect, and it flows off the tongue as the reader gets the idea of a soul hell bent on righting wrongs.
Thank you for submitting this entry to this contest!

Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (True-Romantic)

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21
21
Review of Anti-fairy-tale  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I'm True and I will be reviewing your piece
 Anti-fairy-tale Open in new Window. (E)
my take on the modern fairytale
#1480503 by kosket Author IconMail Icon
for the "Just Ink It" contest.

What I liked:
*Definitely an interesting take on the fairy tales subject. Life can't be all pixie sticks and fairy dust. It's refreshing to see something like this, a bit out of the mix.
*Overall, I enjoyed reading this. *Delight*

Suggestions for improvement- -Spelling/Grammar Errors:
I didn't see anything that needed improving- wonderful job.

Final Thought(s) - or - Favorite Part(s):
"When the children grew up"
This, I feel, is a powerful line. We all have to grow up sometime, those fairy tales always have and end somewhere along the way...


Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (True-Romantic)

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22
22
Review of The Big Race  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello, I'm True and this is a Simply Positive - Angel Army review!

*Idea* First Thoughts *Idea* :
With a prompt like that, I'm lost! A bet OTHER than money?...

*Thumbsup* What I liked *Thumbsup* :
Ahaha, very realistic characters I must say.
“Pitiful, they’re getting winded just getting back to the start line.” - Ah yes, you give the reader that slight hint that the characters aren't in the peak physical condition. *Wink*
From your details in the piece, it was very easy to imagine this race taking place in front of your eyes. From the shiny red shorts, to the poor guy hacking on his feet!

*Exclaim* Suggestions for improvement - Grammar/Spelling *Exclaim* :
I didn't see any errors- Great!

*Star* Final Thought(s) or Favorite Part(s) *Star* :
I'd never have guessed it would be a Weight Loss Camp 100 Yard Dash! And the bets of powdered donuts- wonderful! Very inventive.
Overall, a great piece, a very entertaining read.
Here's hoping to read you again soon!

Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (True-Romantic)

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23
23
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I'm True and this is a Simply Positive - Angel Army review!

*Idea* First Thoughts *Idea* :
Hmm, I don't believe I've read a story of this kind before.

*Thumbsup* What I liked *Thumbsup* :
So she's a cat? Aha, that's inventive. I must say, your imagination really does kick in when you write, doesn't it! I found this an interesting master-submissive read. The characters were new to me, so it grabbed and made me want to read on. I quite enjoyed that you jumped outside of the character box, in this!
Overall, the story was interesting, and I'd like to see you expand on it.

*Exclaim* Suggestions for improvement - Grammar/Spelling *Exclaim* :
I suggest 'entering' after your dialogue again, it runs together a bit. But not to worry, should you choose to ignore it, it's still fine the way it is.

*Star* Final Thought(s) or Favorite Part(s) *Star* :
Very nice, let me know should you choose to expand on this - I'd love to read more.

Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (True-Romantic)

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24
Review of Life  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I'm True and this is a Simply Positive - Angel Army review!

*Idea* First Thoughts *Idea* :
Friendship is indeed one of lifes most wonderful gifts.

*Thumbsup* What I liked *Thumbsup* :
Awww, doll you're a sweetheart. All of us here in chat love you, and don't you forget it.
The form of the piece is of no concern, and there are no errors that I can see. So I applaud you for this piece, it makes my heart warm to know that you cherish us just as we cherish you!

*Star* Final Thought(s) or Favorite Part(s) *Star* :
True-romantic, the quiet one who sits on her chat couch
Oh woman, that couch would be nothing without me! *Bigsmile*
**Big hugs**
You're a treat Lutzy, we're lucky to have you.

Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (True-Romantic)

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25
25
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, I'm True and this is a Simply Positive - Angel Army review!

*Idea* First Thoughts *Idea* :
Dying love? Hmm... I wonder how dark this will be

*Thumbsup* What I liked *Thumbsup* :
Staine you are deliciously dark! (Yes I knew that already, but this was the first time I've dug around in your port to see!)
I -adored- this piece. The strong use of words relating to sin and darkness really reach out a hand to grab the reader.
I felt there was extreme emotion in this piece as I read through it, a deep, tearing anger and love reaching through it.

*Exclaim* Suggestions for improvement - Grammar/Spelling *Exclaim* :
I didn't see any mistakes, and the structure of the poem was good. So great work.

*Star* Final Thought(s) or Favorite Part(s) *Star* :
I enjoyed the read Staine, and here's hoping to read you again soon.

Thank you for allowing me to read this piece, I hope you keep in mind that these suggestions are exactly that- only suggestions! If you have any problems or complaints about my review(s), please email me!
Have a wonderful day!

- Lauren (True-Romantic)

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