The relationship between the king and queen is very common among any couple. It makes the storore realistic, and adding facts about their families and children round out the story well. I love the direction this piece is going. I do have to point out that their are some grammatical and spelling errors and you need to watch using present tense, it makes things a bit confusing.
I love how this story leaves alot to the imagination. It is very well written and I see no grammatical errors. You have an opportunity here to have your readers decide where the story goes and what happens Andrew. I can't wait to read more from you.never stop writing!
I can feel how frustrated you were when you wrote this. The difficulties that society has with people who don't fit their standards is disgusting. We are all the same, money doesn't make a person, it makes them monsters. I would not change anything here. You conveyed your message very well.
That is so cute!! I am going to be adding a poem my daughter helped write about herself. Children are so up front and creative, it makes me wonder, if we were like that as children, what made us lose it? the only answer I have ever come up with is maturity. thanks for sharing!
I agree with the first sentence, we as a species are dangerous to each other. War is a difficult machine to shut down. Our governments promote war as necessary; Scrap metal prices soar, jobs are created, the economy gets a boost. They have the majority vote on their side, the belief that war will make a stronger nation. How do you fight that? a government who doesn't care about its own people.
Never be sorry for writing about your beliefs, they are what will make us a stronger species. We know whats right, we have the power to make changes, we can end the suffering. The ones in power are going to give us a hell of a fight though. keep writing!
The past cannot be changed, but should be acknowledged. We are who we are because of it. I feel that our experiences are part of why we have the attitude we have, I have learned from personal experience that ignoring your past can have dire consequences. On the other hand, Mr. Swindoll has some very valid points. Thank you for introducing his writing.
The advice you give is inspiring, it is comforting to know there is hope, that overcoming the past with positive thinking is possible, that it has worked for other people. I would have included a more details about Robert Swindoll and would cut out some of the useless words/phrases;
"no matter if I run into dozens of people with poor attitudes, hundreds of people with personal problems they lay out for all to see, thousands of situations which may challenge the patience of an angel, I try 100% to have a nice day, put on a happy face, and whistle a happy tune."
Removing "no matter" replacing the second phrase with something like "Numerous people with their personal issues laid out for all to see". replacing everyday words make a piece more interesting to read. Thank you for sharing.
That was a great story on the creation of writing.com. I hope the creators of this website found it amusing as I did. There are a few misspelled words but I see no grammatical errors. imagination is a wonderful thing, and you have it in spades. good job!!!
Although I am an adult I can relate. I remember how hard it was to to figure out who I was, but also wanting to be young and free. I know quite a few young people who fit into this poem who are consider troubled when the truth is they have never been given the chance to show what they are really capable of. Adults need to remember what it was like for them, they were not perfect either. I could feel the frustration when reading this, and the lack of faith that young people have towards adults. Good job
This story created a good visual about envy, although the end is a little unclear, what happened to merideth? Even a brief look into the event between merideth and Cassie would make the story complete. I think the next sin should be sloth, possible about the guy in the diner. Tying the stories together like would be unique.
I watched my grandfather die of Alzheimer's, and it was very difficult. People that have never experienced this disease are not fully aware of the strength needed to believe that your relative will have that one moment of clarity, one moment that they remember. You have perfectly captured this moment, your audience will have no problems picturing this scene in there mind.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tracytietje
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 3:08pm on Nov 12, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
