I really like this short story. Simple, interesting, and realistic. I felt all of the characters and images. Kind of reminds me of Joseph Mitchell's NY chronics.
This is great. I'm Portuguese. Jose Saramago won a Nobel for his works but he had a sour vision of the world. I understand the negative point of view in this poem. But I dislike it because it is a rant and it is so factual that I don't feel any emotion besides anger.
I will in the near future take a look at the rest of your work. Everything is good and bad. Try focusing on what fires us up!
This is wonderful!
" May your strongest perish-
so your weakest can flourish.
If ever you lose your footing:
swap space,
retrace,
and follow
the soundless humming grace."
I really adore the end in particular.
All is infinite my friend. Keep writing the pathway through your soul!
I like it alot! And as you have probably seen I'm not a huge fan o rhyming.
But here it makes sense. It distances God, thanks to his formality. It distances and at the same time brings "him" closer.
I feel it like a conversation with your own conscience. We are all God in my opinion.
Together we can never be destroyed!
Favourite Section -
"Reluctant God I am to enter into your graces,
So many trials and beleaguered expectations,
I walk toward your voice feeling so much in debt,"
I really love this one!
The towering oceans, gentle breezes, budding flowers,
And skyward trees –
The earth exudes abundantly
Among the land, sea, and air,
Consuming its bevy of creatures in all of the violent beauty
And sheer perfection.
It begins so beautifuly! :)
I imagined the world working as seen from the sky.
Great images and phoetic frases.
Blue yet happy. I kind of feel your vision, or have my vision of your vision of the world. I like when writers are optimistic and strong in the roughest of moments. Expecially for people that are predisposed for being more sensitive, Liked the archaic English. Mainly because I'm impersonating Macbeth in a video project. And because I love all English literature.
Keep writing!
“Sometimes I’m terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.”
― Edgar Allan Poe
I really like it and I'm very interested in suicide.
Most people think it is coward to take your own life. I believe the annulation of your self is anti ego, therefore it is an act of despair and deep pain.
We live in a difficult chaotic world, but if you look and feel with attention and care, you'll find harmony.
I have nothing to say about grammar and form. My strong suit is feeling. That said, keep on writing and living your own story.
"You can hear them in a forest glade,
though silence is their resting place.
Solitude among the forests inner soul.
Here they rest from a hard days work
and tomorrow they’ll sing another hymn".
Very beautiful. I love all the images and the love of God and nature. :)
"With His love He gives us
a place to call home.
Though this is just a temporary place,
through our faith to guide us back to Him." - Transcending and touching
"I pretend to sleep, when I am really awake.
I feel the whispering breeze my family makes."
I really like this one. Faith is the prettiest of devotions. I can see we share common ways to see and feel the world.
I'm glad for signing up at writing.com
I make your words mine - "I cry knowing not all can be with God up above"
We can't all treat ourselves. We can't all pick the lock of our inner faith :)
Very nice! Really like all the images!
I live in Porto, Portugal. It sits besides the Atlantic ocean. We have a river that comes from Spain and flows to the Atlantic right here in Porto.
It became personal like every felt piece of art.
Very pretty! Love is our whole life. Take a look at Terrence malick's "To the wonder", a very poetic "love movie".
Try free verse. You won't limit yourself to the form.
This is beautiful. Read some of my stuff and I'm looking forward to read some more of yours.
The shape of the poem is stabbing and strong.
Intense and mesmerising :)
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