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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tldrover
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3 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by TLDrover Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really like this story! I find it to be well written and, although short, you actually feel significant emotion for the characters. Their relationship is well developed in these short lines, even though the characters themselves remain mostly a mystery to the reader (except, of course, for their humanity or lack thereof).
My only constructive comment is that some of the dialogue is a little awkward.
" I should not have allowed you to learn to love me.” might work better as "I shouldn't have allowed you to fall in love with me" or something along those lines. Just a personal opinion, however, and overall I think it's a great write!
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Review by TLDrover Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think this poem has great flow. You don't seem to have to strain to rhyme, which I find is one of the biggest issues with this type of poetry. You could focus on your line length being a bit more consistant (this should help even more with flow) but overall I think you have written a terrific piece here.
One suggestion:
In the lines
"The heart no more
Needs be chased"
is a bit awkward. Is there perhaps another way of expressing this, without using "no more needs"? It still works within the general flow of the poem, but it seems to be in a slightly different tone than the rest of the poem.
Keep writing! It's a great poem, thanks for sharing.
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