I was first drawn into this story because I happen to like fiction about psychics.
You introduced the main character in an interesting way and you do a good job exploring how psychic powers might affect someone. I can't really say much since it's unfinished, but it feels like a lot of the things that happen seem random. I'm sure you'll connect it all together later though.
As for expanding it, I would encourage you to do so. This idea has a lot of potential.
I really enjoyed this poem. I like how the tone is consistent and how the imagery supports the theme. It reminds me of an HP Lovecraft kind of story, where the origin of the book is left ambiguous to the reader, allowing their imagination to spiral. The prose is pretty much on-point but at some points, it feels a little too wordy. All in all, it's a solid poem and I can hardly find any issues with it.
I really like the concept of this story, I really like how you describe the boy's interaction with the creature and how you leave out the visual details to remind your readers that he is blind in one small detail. The only issue I really have with this is that there isn't a lot to it, I would like to see more of a plot to it but I can understand because it is so short. But all in all, I think it's a great start and I would look into expanding this story.
The description in this story is incredible and it instantly pulled me into it.
I especially like how real it feels and the characters have a depth to them that is ordinarily very hard to achieve.
There aren't very many things I can say about this that are bad about this, except that the translations are a little hard to understand.
Thanks for writing this, I greatly enjoyed it.
The Tin Woodsman
I love how this story is turning out!
I also like the pacing of this book and how Jon's motivation is clearly presented throughout this chapter. You are very good at balancing the description and the dialogue and building suspense.
I found Jon's character very easy to understand and relate to.
Sorry I forgot to review chapter 2 but I enjoyed reading it.
This chapter already looks like the start of a great novel!
When I read this, it gives the sense that the world this chapter is building is bigger than it seems, which is a great quality that is very hard to achieve.
I also really like the character you are presenting here because he is not your typical Sci-fi hero that you'd expect, but an average Joe.
Thanks for the read, I can't wait for more!
The Tin Woodsman
This is an incredible piece of personification that gives me the chills to the bone and it's rhyme scheme only makes it all the more chilling. The descriptiveness of it makes me feel what you want me to feel and see what you want me to see. Here's for a job well done!
I saw this in the scroll and decided to read it. I'm glad you tried rhyming your first poem, it's difficult to do. I find it amazing how you capture what it would be like to be a dwarf.
incredible! This is such a unique point of view of norse mythology and Ragnarok(which I kind of a fan of). I really like how it has its own mythological feel to it and the perspective of humanity it shows. I thought this has a lot of potential, for example, you could go more in-depth with nordic mythology other than just Ragnarok. Well done and thanks for the mini-story!
Awesome job! I found your story very engaging and it truly caught my attention when Proteus first spoke. This story also has a lot of potential for a longer story and I also liked the small details (like the pop-culture references and the book albert is writing). So thank you for the wonderful story!
Great Job! I really enjoyed the imagery of this poem and the message behind it. My suggestion for you is to not worry too much about the number of reviews you get on this site (I struggle with it too) because it is REALLY hard to get people to find your writing. So thanks for the lovely poem of Home and have a good day!
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