Hi Jim, Following you at Twenty-Three in Eleven, I'm here to review your essay "Learning to Play the French Horn". Of course, it brings memories of my own adventures with a musical instrument. The violin, the school provided the instruments so I had no obligation to stick it out and I didn't. I figured out quite quickly it was not for me.
I thought the composition of the essay was clear, sequential, and entertaining. The reference to your crush and its subsequent conclusion brought a smile. No technical errors jumped out at me.
I loved the conclusion including a possible reconnecting with an obvious talent from your younger years.
Hi ruwth, Following you at Twenty Three in Eleven, I have the privilege of reviewing your essay which was really interesting. I'm glad I happened on it.
I think you an I might have joined around the same time. However, I joined and only used the site as a reference for several years, never posting until just a few years ago. I love that you began with a Psalm of your own. I too have a Psalm I wrote years ago, I'm not sure I ever posted it here, but if not I will do so and send you a link just for fun. Read or not, your choice.
I thought the manner in which this essay was written with links to relative posts was helpful, informative and easy to follow.
I enjoyed following your journey here as I have enjoyed reading your work over the last couple of years.
Hi Jeff, Following you at Twenty-Three in Eleven and giving my thoughts on your Mergers and Acquisitions.
Oh my, this read smoothly, quickly, and ended with a smile. Oh if business could really be that simple. A fantasy.
It was a very easy read, once it set the scene, it was laid out in almost bullet-point precision. The imagery such as Cheeto dust on his fingers, connects to the reader. The dialog is clear, quick banter.
Hi Tiffers, Your I Don't Mind popped up on Read and Review and I'm here to share my thoughts.
First impression, the title is a bit intriguing, it will attract the random reader.
The frame is Free Verse poem in 23 lines. It reads out loud with a staccato rhythm, kind of like reading a list. The thought units are broken into 5 stanzas, the first 3 and the 5th end in a refrain.
The first 4 stanzas are in present tense though there is a jump in years between the 3rd and 4th stanzas and the style of writing changes. The last stanza is in the future yet the refrain remains in the present tense. I followed this but it feels to me like the 4th stanza needs to fit the rest of the piece more cohesively. If it were mine I would rethink not the content but how it is written. This is just one person's opinion, use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
I certainly can relate to this poem, a mother cherishes everything about her child as it grows. And you can't always predict the future outcome.
Hi LeJenD, Your Sky Above, Earth Below from 2008, popped up on Read and Review and I am here to share my thoughts.
First impression, interesting title brief intro sounds intriguing. I think the random reader will be enticed to read.
The Frame, written in 5 staggered mono-rhymed quatrains with a refrain in L2 of each quatrain. Syllabic pattern 4-5-4-6 Rhyme scheme xAxa xAxa xAxa xAxa xAxa A being the refrain and x being unrhymed. The poem read with a nice rhythm.
The poem progresses through a lifetime of a woman, from birth to death. Fairly generic, no unique or surprise events noted. I'm sure there were lots but this poem was condensed to a generic "every-women".
I left this feeling like I'd love to know more of this woman. But it was a pleasant read.
Hi Jace, Your "Questions" from 2005 popped up on Read and Review and I am here to share my thoughts.
First impression: I don't know if the title would draw me in as a random reader but it's OK, it fits the poem, and the appearance on the page would entice me as a random reader to read. It looks playful.
The Frame: Free verse, a kind of List Poem with outline structure.
The questions asked made me smile as they spiral into more and more questions. And of course your last line got a chuckle.
I see no technical errors jumping out at me and have nothing to offer in the way of improvement.
I really enjoyed reading this fun poem. Thank you.
Hi Alta, Your "Proof" came up on Read and Review and I am here to share my thoughts.
I like the title, it made me curious. Forgive me, I don't normally review prose so I am a little out of my element as to what to look for. But I will give it a shot.
The first sentence hooked me. The story evolves naturally from that point. There is a poignancy, the piece touched me as it moves to remember the mother's hands.
Hi Nitraits, Your The Dancer from 2019 came up on Read and Review and I am here to share my thoughts. You've probably forgotten all about this piece.
My first impression was that the entry was very short and though I normally don't review prose, it wouldn't take much time to read and come up with something to note. So I always begin with the title, the words that draw the reader to the piece. Is it unique or interesting? In this case, it is pretty generic and probably won't be much of a come-on for the random reader. Maybe a dancer.
Prose, telling a complete story in 73 words is pretty impressive. You set the stage, you expand it, a crisis happens, the crisis is resolved and the audience is satisfied. The end. Right at the beginning you surprise the reader, the dancer was a chihuahua. That brought a smile to my face. Another surprise when it fell. The smile went away. The owner intervenes discovers and corrects the problem and the show goes on. That's a plot with characters.
There are some technical notes:
First sentence: I believe the commas after "began" and after "legs" should be removed and a comma should be inserted after the word chihuahua. Also the word "and" should be inserted between "legs and hips".
Second sentence: there should be a comma after owner.
Third sentence: Hind "legs" don't have pads, however hind "paws" do. Substitute the word "leg" with "paw".
This is all just one person's opinion. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
All in all, even with minor punctuation and body part error, this was a delightful read. Thank you.
Hello Spring, Your poem Do I Am I came up on Read and Review and I'm here to share my thoughts.
My first impression was curiostity, the title did draw me. Also the brevity of the piece was a draw.
The frame, simple, a poem in 9 lines, the But counts. L4 is repeated in refrain in L9. Lines of approximate same length other than L8 1 syllable, but no apparent metric or syllabic pattern and no rhyme. The poem reads like a list.
The big question of course is asked twice but, the statements made in other lines answers. The "But," is effective.
I really liked "I smell the world is vivid" and "I write for words to be read."
I see no technical errors other than shouldn't there be a ? after L4?
Hi Dave, Your oldy "Heaven" came up on Read and Review and I'm sharing my thoughts.
My first impression was your title, and thinking, he just did a whole article on titles that had so much inspirational content, he needs to read it to himself. Not that the title isn't good, but it may not draw too many random readers. Second, the poem itself. That looked like a lot of reading. I am not always so inclined to read an Epic, I normally prefer sonnet size or smaller. What can I say, I'm busy.
This free verse poem with 28 long lines is skillfully written, good line breaks and stanza breaks and the long lines give an easy rhythm to the piece.
Once I started reading, I found all of those words flew by with detailed, concrete imagery and I was sucked in. There is so much I enjoyed in this poem, I laughed at "Time gobbled up life like some Pac Man monster." I could just see it.
The only suggestion I could make is, take a look at the switch between the first and second quatrain from they to we. I got it after giving it thought, but my first reaction was who? they? we? I think it needs just a touch of clarification for the casual reader. Just me thinking out loud.
I'm glad I came across this poem and took the time to read it. I was saddened at the end. I fear the feeling. I want my son to still see what he experienced growing up when he comes home. So I now hire help once a month to do the heavy lifting. And I don't have a vegetable garden anymore either. But I do have a friend who supplies me with his surplus, he always did grow better veggies than me, I'm on the top of the mountain and get morning fog from the ocean, he is more tucked into a valley and his garden just flourishes, mine always struggled, especially tomatoes.
Anyway, I feel this gave me more insight into your world, and I can relate. I enjoyed reading your poem.
Hi AmyJo, Your "Story of a Cat" popped up on Read and Review and I'm here to share my thoughts.
My first impression was the presentation on the page, centered with cute emojis at the end. This looked fun to read. Frankly, the title is kind of pedestrian and probably would not have drawn me to your poem. But that is just one person's opinion.
The poem is free verse with good solid line breaks. Centering as I previously noted, did make this more attractive. The "story" as written is pretty much what all cats do until we get down to the description, the tortoise shell was a surprise. And I loved the line "cats are obliged to do" Yes, mice, lizards, gophers, and the ocasional snake are all part of the game when you have a indoor/outdoor cat, but to read about it never gets old. My cat brings in lizards and when she is done, leaves the heads for me to clean up. Yuck.
The only suggestion I could offer for improvement would be to expand a little on she hissed, she clawed she purred, what would be unique in the what or how she did these? But again, this is just me thinking out loud. This is your poem use or ignore what ever your might find helpful.
Hi Noah, I'm reading your poem, The Stage and Its Audience, found on Read a Newbie. I was immediately attracted to it because of its unique title. Great way to draw in a random reader.
A Free Verse piece in 37 Lines, caps are used at the beginning of each line. This is just a personal preference but, the caps cause unnecessary pauses for me and many others. Most modern Free Verse is composed cap free unless beginning a new sentence or using a proper name or emphasizing a word all in CAPS as a technique. But again, this is just personal preference and there are modern poets who do use the caps. Line breaks and strophic breaks are appropriate.
The poem reads aloud with a fairly good flow. You begin with "I" then switch to "you" then switch back to "I". I believe this would be much stronger if you stuck with "I". The reader wants to see, be, shown not told. I thought this a little telly. As a reader, I need to have a concrete image to relate to. You do that in the first strophe, "lights dim, yet the blue, a warm welcome." and again later "a river through a creek". But mostly you are explaining instead of helping the reader see or feel the experience. "Show not tell", the poet's mantra. And in that vein, if this were mine, I would edit, remove unnecessary words. This is not prose, it is poetry and in the words of Walt Whitman, "condense, condense, condense."
Please remember this is just one person's opinion. This is your poem, use what you might find helpful here and ignore the rest.
Overall I really enjoyed reading this poem. The content is not the same old, same old. You have something to share, good insights, and interesting. Thanks for the read.
Wow Jace, Your poem, WDC, popped up on Read and Review and I think I already shared my first impression. The appearance of this piece had to take work. It will stop everyone who sees it here and WDC and of course they will read.
The frame obviously is a shape poem and done very well. You didn't miss a beat creating a visual in words, the acronym we all know so well here. The spacing had to be time-consuming. Clearly I am impressed. Not sure I have the patience.
Surprisingly the words flow with a lyrical rhythm and the content is concise, easy to read and great advise. I loved this.
Hi Dawn, Your very old poem, "a morning spent in bed" came up on Read and Review and I am here to share my thoughts.
First impression, a great title. Appearance on the page, of course, anyone would read this brief poem.
Frame, a poem in 4 lines, a tetrastich. Unrhymed, no apparent metric or syllabic pattern.
The rhythm of the first 3 lines was smooth but I thought the last line was awkward. This is just one person's opinion. but I think it would be lyrical if your last line said something like "still my cat calmly purrs" or "Molly calmly purrs" (can you guess, I have a cat named Molly) but naming the cat rather than just referring to it as cat, makes the poem more personal and the reader can better connect. Of course, this is your poem, not mine.... use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
Hi Louis, Your poem, "Morning Ritual" popped up on Read and Review and I am here to share my thoughts.
First impression, the title could spark the curiosity of a random reader, but the brevity of the piece is probably the biggest draw. Who can resist a quick read?
The frame, a septastich, a poem in 7 lines. Free verse, good use of line breaks empowering both beginning and end words. The poem reads out loud fluidly.
Your words had me consciously breathing, trying to feel the breath in and breath out. I loved "Every step a chisel"
Hi Kenword, Your poem "Come Home Kim" popped up on Read and Review and I am here to share my thoughts with you.
My first impression garnered from your title, was "this is personal". The plea seems sincere. I initially assumed this was about a child who had left home.
The frame, the poem is written in 16 lines, made up of 2 octaves with an interesting, variable rhyme scheme. aaabcccb dddefffe. Syllabic, lines 5 syllable each if you count cruel, trial etc as 2 syllables. Some might count them as 1 syllable. The poem reads like a list with a staccato rhythm.
To me the first stanza is very clear, but it gets murky in the 2nd stanza. If it were mine, which it is not, I would take a closer look at the 2nd stanza and try and make your meaning more clear. Don't sacrifice content for rhyme. Of course this is only my opinion. Use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
I really liked "take our love off dim" interesting perspective.
Hi Beholden, Your "Colored Doves" came up on Read and Review and I'm here to share my thoughts.
First impression: The title certainly would any reader who loves nature, the photo is gorgeous, again a hook to read.
Frame: Free verse, with a rhythm that flows like satin over my eardrums. It fits the visual. Appropriate line breaks make the most of the power of your words, the stanza break strengthens the pivot. Onomatopoeia is as lovely as the imagery. Skillfully written.
I can see nothing to pick apart and I knew I wouldn't before I started. This is simply a beautiful poem and I took this opportunity to just enjoy.
Hi Charlie, Your poem "wearing my body" came up on the list of requested reviews and I'm here to share some thoughts.
First Impression: Your title is very intriguing. I believe it would catch any random reader's attention.
Frame: Admittedly prose poems confuse me a bit. I find it hard to see the line between prose and poetry when a line break isn't apparent, but I'll give it a try. The first two strophes begin similarly and feel like poetry to me. The last where there is a pivot, doesn't connect with me. If you had begun, something like: "I treat my body with kindness, please do the same." I believe it would feel more like a poem but this is just one person's opinion. Use what your find helpful, ignore the rest.
I've read the last sentence a few times and was at first confused by it, then I guess I get it but I don't connect to it.
I really liked the first strophe, you provide a perspective I had not thought of. Super cool.
Hi Steph, Congratulations on 2nd Place at Shadows and Light Poetry Contest Round 113. The poem is on the Review requested list and I'm here to share my thoughts.
First impression, the title, "Numb" is in my opinion unique and would attract this random reader.
This free verse poem reads fluidly. Strong line and stanza breaks, bringing importance to key words and thought units. Great imagery in L4,L5 & L6. The abstract lines of L7 & L8 and L12 and L13 are a little telly and difficult to connect to emotionally. In my opinion, your poem would be stronger without those lines. Of course, this is just one person's opinion. Use whatever you find helpful here and ignore the rest.
Hi Gus, Your poem Cycle of Sorrow is on the Review Requested List and I am here to share my thoughts.
First Impression: The title is intriguing and I believe it would draw the casual reader. But the poem as presented on the page looks like a strung-out list, and is not attractive, in my opinion.
The Frame: This isn't Free Verse in fact it is written in a very distinct nonce form. Since you seem to be welcoming of other's ideas, I hope you don't mind my showing you how I see your poem.
Today, and tomorrow
We gather in fields
To express, our distaste
For the world we must wield.
Today, and tomorrow
We fill those same fields
To pretend, now that we're here
The horrors will yield.
Today, and tomorrow
No one fills the fields
And as they lay there, barren
The world never heals.
Today, there's no tomorrow
We're simply too old
So now, we tell the young ones
That they must be bold.
Today, not tomorrow
We gather in the field
To express our sorrow
For the world they must heal.
This is a poem written in 5 quatrains with a L1 repeated as a refrain in the first line of each ensuing stanza. Rhyme scheme Abxb Abxb Abxb Acxc Abxb. A being the refrain (which in S4 and S5 has a slight alteration.) x being unrhymed. No apparent metric or syllabic pattern.
The poem when read out loud has a nice rhythm. The imagery is abstract and a little difficult to connect to emotionally.
This is all just one person's opinion, it your poem use what you find helpful and ignore the rest.
Hi Koyel, Your poem Garland of Experiences is on the Review Request list so I'm here to give you my thoughts.
I wasn't sure what to make of your title. Garland, clearly invites an image but "of experience" weakened the image, in fact it just trailed off into nothing. I don't think this title will draw in many random readers. But this is just one person's opinion.
The frame, free verse almost gives the appearance of a traditional verse form, which kind of interested me. A free verse poem in 17 lines, broken at L5 and L11. The poem reads fluidly out loud.
I connected to this piece as the concept unfolds. I loved "jewels of recollection".
Hi Perhaps, Your poem frp, 2016 "Insert Title Here", is on the list requesting review and I am here to share my thoughts.
First impression, I normally would not read an untitled poem. "Insert Title Here" may be a gimic to pique the random readers' curiosity but I don't think it is effective. The title should lead the way, draw the reader in. This poem deserves a title.
The frame is Free Verse, centered on the page, in 21 lines broken at L8 and L18. The inversion of phrases, the parallels, and clever wordplay all give depth to this poem. It reads out loud fluidly.
I enjoyed reading it, especially out loud. It's almost like a tongue twister. Interesting.
Hi Joy, Wow, glad I ran across this 2002 poem "For I Love" on Read and Review. I am here to share my thoughts but I think already have an idea of my reaction.
I couldn't wait to read it all.
Just a quick technical analysis, written in 5 unrhymed quatrains. Long equal-length lines, without an apparent metric or syllabic pattern. The poem reads fluidly.
I loved the progression from tragedy to beauty. Your imagery transports me back, though I only saw it on TV. The beauty of your last line washes away the sadness. I just loved this.
Hello Dr MC, I found your poem, Frozen Flame, at Read and Review and I am here to give you my thoughts.
I thought your title was intriguing and would draw readers. The presentation along with the original in Hindi was fascinating to see and to read the Roman translation (even though I don't understand, I can get a little idea of the sounds of the poem.)
The poem is written in 6 rhymed couplets made up of 7 syllable lines. Interesting that the original Hindi is in 7 couplets but the Roman translation and English translation are only 6 couplets.
This is lovely romantice piece. Reminiscent of the Ghazal.
Hi Dogpack, Your "Service Dog Bella" came up on Read and Review. It's an old one but I am here to share my thoughts.
First Impression: You get the sympathy and dog lover reader right off. Yes I'm one of them, and hesitated, was it going to make me cry?
The frame: A poem written in 14 lines made up of a tercet, a quatrain, a tercet, a quatrain, in that order. A quatorzain, but not a sonnet, there is not pivot nor any apparent metric or syllabic pattern though it is rhymed. Rhyme scheme xaa bbcc ddx eeff x being unrhymed.
The rhythm is a little stocatto, language simple. Emotion, high, there is definitely a sadness at your loss.
I found this poem a sweet tribute to a dog who was obviously important to you.
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L4 is repeated in refrain in L9. Lines of approximate same length other than L8 1 syllable, but no apparent metric or syllabic pattern and no rhyme. The poem reads like a list.