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7 Public Reviews Given
7 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Desk  Open in new Window.
Review by timp Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review for 'The Desk'

Hi there! I found your story under Reading / Static Items.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and enjoy it. I hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression:
Great story. Well done.

Plot:
Story opens well with the Captain obviously investigating a murder.
The partner is apparenmtly easy going, per his smile, but also aware of the need to remain perfessional.
Something attacks the room.
The Captain leaps for his life and falls into oblivion.
He is awakened by a female ensign. He snaps into action as the Captain of a military ship.
He closes down the 'halloween night' simulations of which he was ovbiously dreaming. He tells his partner (presumably the exec officer) they need to head for the bridge and address the 'real monsters'.

Style and Voice:
Omnesicient narrator teling the story and thoughts of the characters in a straightforward tone.

Scene/Setting:
Opens in a eank smelling room with a dead body sitting at a desk.
Changes to aboard a ship for the ending.

Characters:
Captain. You assume a policeman at the beginning. You realize he is a sea Captain at the end.
Parner. Well defined as a good natured, but follow the rules guy.
Ensign. Shipboard assistant to the Captain.

Dialog:
Great. Good wording and action displayed.

Grammar and Mechanics:
My only suggestion is to place quotes around your dialog text.
exp - "Sorry Captain battle stations has been called," the pretty brunette whispered into his ear,

Suggestions:
I have nothing to offer in regard to suggestions other than the above remark about quote marks.
Your story is great and quite entertaining.

I'm relatively new to Writing.com. I'll be reading more of your work I am sure.

Thank you for sharing your story. Best to you in all your efforts.

Timp - Tim Plumlee
2
2
Review of Lady Hawk  Open in new Window.
Review by timp Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review of Lady Hawk

Hi there! I found your story under Reading / Static Items.
Thanks for the opportunity to read and enjoy it. I hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression:
Your story is excellent. It gave me a sense of adventure and freedom which remained as a warm glow after the reading was done

Plot:
A warrior returning from Iraq has come to a remote mountain country to be away from the hustle and insanity of the human race. He exhults in his feeling of freedom. He expresses in every thought his respect and love for nature. He physically shows his feeling in his moment of raport with the lady hawk.

Style and Voice:
The narrator is omniscient and tells the story with a kind, sencere, respectful tone throughout.

Scene/Setting:
On a mountain in high mountain country the main character stops to survey his surroundings He anticipates the next valley and mountain into which he will venture..

Characters:
A man whose life is opening up in a wonderful new way.
A curious hawk who checks out the first human she has ever seen.

Dialog:
The non-verbal dialog between the man and the lady hawk is marvelous.

Grammar and Mechanics:
I saw nothing wrong with the spelling or grammer.

Suggestions:
None. To me the story is perfect as is.

Thank you for sharing your story. Best to you in all your efforts.

Timp - Tim Plumlee
3
3
Review of The Troll Wife  Open in new Window.
Review by timp Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for letting me enjoy your story. I could not stop reading once I began.

The story reminds me of an old folk fairy tale. It made me feel good when I finished.

Your characters are alive and truly have individual personalities. You dialog is perfect for each one.

I noticed what may be mistakes in the text that have nothng to do with the quality of the story.

1. "Will was planning to shoot a couple 'of' rabbits"
The word 'of' seems to be missing before the word rabbits.
2. "but now he felt very fortunate 'that' this troll had found him."
For tighter writing the word 'that' could possibly be left out.
3. "If they want 'be' to be happy in heaven"
The word be should be me.

I could find no other mistakes.

Again, I think your story is great. It deserves to be published where others can enjoy it as well.

Best of luck.

Tim Plumlee
timp
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