This is a very strange story. I'm not sure how someone can fall in love when unconscious or dreaming, but it's a story. Stories are amazing things. Anyway, your spacing is pretty tight and easy to get lost in. Separating paragraphs with extra spaces or indents would make it easier to read.
There are also a few spelling mistakes or context mistakes. This line is one of them, "he defiantly beat me in the family category."
First it's confusing until we get into his story. The mistake is using the word, "defiantly." That word indicates a bit of childish temper or arrogance, but after reading what he actually says, I realize that you mean "definitely." "Definitely" is an affirmation instead of conflict.
Later in the story, a similar mistake comes up, but I do know what you're trying to say right away. The mistake is using "comma" when you mean "coma." A comma is a punctuation point and coma is the teetering bridge between life and death.
Now to the good stuff. I like this story, especially the contrasts in your landscape. You have endless rolls of flowers and trees next to tennis courts and basketball courts. Amidst all of this is the shack. The shack is a contrast to everything. The basketball and tennis courts make me think it should be a mansion, but no these things stand next to a shack, a poor man's home. And as a poor man's home it isn't a pleasant sight, next to the beauty of trees and flowers.
The only problem with this book is the one you're already working on; it's not finished yet. Thank you for writing this! I can't say how many times I've seen these grammar mistakes, especially the misuse of homophones loose and lose. It's so common that sometimes I want to scream! Thank you again a milion times. Because I read this, I'm also more aware of some of my own frequent mistakes.
"For that have opened resources centers to allow a library of materials and facilitate the support an objective of freedom of choice."
I'm not sure how it fits in the paragraph and the wording is also difficult to understand. The sentence seems to be missing a word between 'that'and 'have' and what is that? With exception of the confusion of the forementioned sentence, you have strong arguments. Even if I hadn't already been biased toward home-schooling from my own experience, I would certainly consider home-schooling in the future.
*snarling* I'm sure Bobby did that on purpose! To his brother no less! Foul little gorilla boy! Who could be so cruel? Maybe I'll cut off his foot, the very same foot that he kept using to beat up his brother. *looks through a pile of sharp pointy objects* How dare he! This isn't supposed to be a rant, so hmmm... I noticed a repetitive spelling mistake, for a very annoying homophone. "Pouring" spelled with a 'u' should refer to pouring something out of a container, but "poring" without the 'u' is what i'm sure you mean when Jonny is "poring over his piano books."
"What's the matter with the world has the world gone mad?"
I think that needs punctuation, either a question mark or semicolon, between the first "world" and the word "has." The line looks like it should be two sentences there, not one. The way you're using "everyday" at the end of the next paragraph is meant to be written as two words. The one word term is an adjective, such as "It's become an everyday occurance." I also see that it seems you're almost scared to put an 'h' next to a 'w.' All of your "whethers" are missing that first 'h' and after considering the Amish at the killer's funeral you ask, "Were does love like this come from for a sadistic killer and molester." That sentence should have a question mark at the end but the 'wh' also needs to be there. I assume your asking Where.
This piece does have good points. The topic is excellent food for thought. It is quite true that people are their own worst enemies, because we have a problem called pride that always makes us think we're right and everyone or everything else is wrong. Sometimes we do stupid things for pride.
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