Read: I read your story twice; once for me and once for this review.
Rating: The rating works for this piece.
Title: The title is fine as a working title but once you expand on this story I would consider changing it to suit the overall tale you develop.
First Impression: You have a talent for drawing your audience into the story with your words. You have active dialog and you seem to have a certain plot in mind.
Structure/Content: I would space the lines out to make it easier to read. Publishers like double spaced but for our purposes you could try single.
What I Liked Most: How easily your piece reads.
What I Would Change and Why: When you develop your characters keep in mind that eye colors, skin colors and so on all depend on DNA and the eye color, hair color etc. of parents. While many people like violet eyes (Elizabeth Taylor has them naturally) they may not come out in other complexions or hair colors. Of course contact lenses today can change eye colors at will.
Productive Criticism: WORDS! Writer's write words and that brings me back to your title. If the story is going to be "mysterious" then your title will work. If this action is simply an anomaly of behavior then I wouldn't devote my title to that word. Sometimes browsing a thesaurus can help you not only for this piece but inspire others.
Suggested Resources: Continue to develop your story and expand on the concept you've decided upon. You have the skill and the tools so have some faith in yourself and DO IT!
All writers need a good Dictionary, and an equally good Thesaurus.
A good Grammar Book is also a essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes: Writing.com has wonderful resources. Other writers are generally helpful and generous
with their time and expertise. It never hurts to ask!
I'm not here to review your piece, I just wanted to thank you for it. I'm not a US citizen I'm Canadian but the ideas are the same and people should think about them and act accordingly. I know I do.
I maintain memberships in writing organizations even if I'm not writing at that time; mainly because it's supportive of those groups and because I like the feeling of being connected to them even if I'm not actively writing. Letters of praise are great things to hang on to, as are letters of rejection. Anything that shows you have tried to get published and make money from your efforts.
I think many writers don't keep track of expenses because they think it's too petty of a purchase. If you add them up over time, it can be a fair amount of money. Also some writers don't see their writing work as WORK. I guess if I was wealthy I might feel that way, I don't know. But anyone trying to keep the wolf from the door needs all the expenses they can honestly declare.
I'm luckily in a position where I get royalties, so every year the tax man KNOWS that and I'm sure looks for expenses. I'll make him very happy this year. :) I have quite a few. Software, filing systems and office supplies...
My thanks again for your article. I don't think enough attention is given to the business of writing on our site, and that needs some change. :)
Read: I read your story once for me and once for this review.
Rating: I agree with your rating.
Title: The title works well for this piece.
First Impression: I didn't know what to expect initially, so there was some anticipation.
Structure/Content: The structure and content work well together and I didn't spot any grammatical problems.
What I Liked Most: The ending.
What I Would Change and Why: I wouldn't change anything. You have a good command of dialog and punctuation and concept.
Productive Criticism: None. It's a nice short story.
Suggested Resources:
All writers need a good Dictionary, and an equally good Thesaurus.
A good Grammar Book is also a essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes: Writing.com has wonderful resources. Other writers are generally helpful and generous
with their time and expertise. It never hurts to ask!
Read: I read your story twice, once for me and once for this review.
Rating: The rating is appropriate.
Title: The title is intriguing.
First Impression: I thought diary entries an interesting way to tell a story.
Structure/Content: The overall structure is good as is the content. I can tell it is the diary of a young person.
What I Liked Most: I liked the idea of your story because it might happen to anyone. The diary writer is young and doesn't know what to do about the situation makes this a believable piece.
What I Would Change and Why: A couple of things. In the last entry I can't tell if you're quoting the newspaper or not, or both. Grammar is very important in writing for that reason. Also, using "text talk" acronyms to your diary works well in this instance. The last sentence needs grammatical edits.
Productive Criticism: In the first and third diary entries you used the phrase "sadness washed over me". I might use the phrase once, but not twice. There are other ways to say what you mean. Experimenting with words that mean the same or something similar can be a lot of fun. Try not to repeat.
Suggested Resources:
All writers need a good Dictionary, and an equally good Thesaurus.
A good Grammar Book is also a essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes: Writing.com has wonderful resources. Other writers are generally helpful and generous
with their time and expertise. It never hurts to ask!
I read your story twice, once for me and once for this review.
Rating:
I agree with your rating.
Title:
The Title works with the story.
First Impression:
I could feel the tragedy building from the start. All that happiness had to be going somewhere.
Structure/Content:
The structure worked and so did the content.
Grammar:
I didn't spot any grammatical problems.
What I Liked Most:
I liked your artistry with words. You paint graphic pictures in the mind's eye.
What I Would Change and Why:
The ending was surprising. Awakenings after severe traumas are like that though. For a time, you are the living dead and then one day, the sun shines again and you can move on. It's a good story.
Productive Criticism:
"A load groan from above..." Near the end, you need to change a word there. I think you meant "A loud groan."
Suggested Resources:
All writers need a good Dictionary, and an equally good Thesaurus.
A good Grammar Book is also a essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes:
Writing.com has wonderful resources. Other writers are generally helpful and generous
with their time and expertise. It never hurts to ask!
I read this story twice once for me, and once for the review.
Rating:
I agree with your rating.
Title:
I think the title you chose suits this particular story.
First Impression:
I didn't know what to expect, so of course I had to keep reading.
Structure/Content:
I liked the feeling of being able to follow this bird on his journey.
Grammar:
I didn't spot grammatical errors.
What I Liked Most:
The sensitivity that I felt the writer was using in some of his word choices. This is a very fragile bird, very small and makes a sound like a huge BEE, so many people duck when they first hear the sound. The birds are curious and color attracts them. Even a colorful T-shirt will be investigated. But the author was nicely careful in word choices and I liked that about the story.
What I Would Change and Why:
I guess I would have experimented with the name for the bird. Dave seems a tad dry for such a bird. That is only my opinion though and I'm one of those people who really work on a character's name so that it moves the story and plot.
Productive Criticism:
I couldn't see anything I could actually criticize as far as the story went. Actually after reading it, I wondered if it was a metaphor. Maybe someone looking for a significant other, and while not finding them, still had faith that they would eventually.
Suggested Resources:
All writers need a good Dictionary, and an equally good Thesaurus.
A good Grammar Book is also a essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes:
Writing.com has wonderful resources. Other writers are generally helpful and generous
with their time and expertise. It never hurts to ask!
I read your story twice. Once for me, and once for the review.
Rating:
I agree with your rating.
Title:
The title works really well and doesn't give away the story.
First Impression:
I didn't know what to expect as I read along. I kept waiting for some intervention, or something that would clarify why these men were doing what they were doing.
Structure/Content:
I've never given a story a #5. You're my first and only because I believe your story deserves it for content and structure, plot, etc.
Grammar:
The story reads well and I did not identify anything I would change grammatically.
What I Liked Most:
The characters. I could see them, hear them; I felt like an invisible shadow. I also liked the names you chose for them.
What I Would Change and Why:
The story is complete. It certainly doesn't need anything from me.
Productive Criticism:
I honestly cannot recall anything I can critique. I don't want to say anything that will give away the story so I won't. You really did a fine job of it and I wish you well with your other projects.
Suggested Resources:
All writers need a good Dictionary, and an equally good Thesaurus.
A good Grammar Book is also a essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes:
Writing.com has wonderful resources. Other writers are generally helpful and generous
with their time and expertise. It never hurts to ask!
I thought it would be insightful in regard to a culture that I am not familiar with.
Structure/Content:
The structure works for the piece.
Grammar:
I didn't spot a lot of grammatical problems.
What I Liked Most:
I guess I have to say that your story confirmed for me that some women the world over are very much the same in regard to their hopes, dreams, and expectations.
What I Would Change and Why:
I suggest you explain "The practice of kutizira...". Your story shows us the results but I did not get a clear idea of this cultural practice. I do not understand how Kutizira, "...strips women of their dignity, exposes them to abuse and robs them of an opportunity to be happy." Because I'm a North American and not familiar enough to understand the pressures involved. Here, under these same condition, the woman would walk off and make her own life. If her family got angry; they'd have to be angry.
Productive Criticism:
Perhaps an introduction explaining the social and cultural pressures imposed upon women who end up in these situations. Maybe a contrast with North American women; explain what would happen if the woman in Zimbabwe did walk off with her child to make a life of her own.
Suggested Resources:
All writers need a good Dictionary, and an equally good Thesaurus.
A good Grammar Book is also a essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes:
Writing.com has wonderful resources. Other writers are generally helpful and generous
with their time and expertise. It never hurts to ask!
Based on my experience this Review will be a friendly opinion to help you with your writing.
Read:
I've read this story twice. Once for me, and once for this review.
Rating:
I agree with your rating.
Title:
Your Title suits what you've written, and this is a segment of a series you're working on. You might change it once you've completed the series.
My First Impression:
I was interested in knowing what became of Captain Claw so reading this has helped me understand the forces he's dealing with and the steps he's taking to resolve his dilemma.
Structure & Content:
The structure helps make it easier to read at this point. Since it's a working draft I like your use of italics to indicate when someone is "thinking".
Your story is moving along and I see some growth in your characters.
Grammar:
You still need some grammatical corrections in your piece. I'll give you a couple of examples:
"...heard the glass of my balcony shatter" Your balcony is likely made of concrete. I believe you left out a word, so it might read: "...heard the glass in my balcony door shatter".
"...I rushed through the balcony" Here you could say, I rushed through to the balcony or I rushed out onto the balcony.
Actually the whole paragraph needs restructuring and adjustments.
What I Liked Most:
I like the fact that you haven't given up on Captain Claw and are taking the story further along.
I also like that his girlfriend is involved.
I like that you've broken out the dialog in your story. That too makes it easier to read.
What I Would Change and Why:
The structure of the first paragraph of course. Plus, when he thinks it's Randy on the phone he says, "that letter", as if Randy sent the letter. He also grabs a cloak from what I think you to mean, his wardrobe, or closet.
Then when they meet the Priestess, some of that conversation begins to fall flat. It needs a few small fixes to make it breath again.
For instance, "moments" when you meant, monuments; and Pharaoh has a typo; and the last word in the paragraph should be self destruction.
Productive Criticism:
Except for some editing your story is moving along as you've wished. Also, in dialog it is acceptable to use contractions; for example: I don't, for I do not.
I suggest you keep working at it and developing it.
You're a very imaginative writer and your fantasies interesting. Don't give up!
Suggested Resources:
All writers need a good Dictionary, and an equally good Thesaurus.
A good Grammar Book is also a essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes:
Writing.com has wonderful resources if you explore the site. Other writers are generally helpful and generous with their time and expertise. It never hurts to ask!s}
Today, I went to my post office and received my purchase of WDC "stuff"! It's GREAT!!! I can't wait to put the bumper sticker on my PT Cruiser, and wear my shirts and I'm putting one of the bookplates on my e-reader!
I was thrilled to get my order so very quickly and it was packed with care, which is always appreciated. I cannot thank you all enough; and as I need anything else listed, I will return. You even sent me SKITTLES! How wonderful.
Thank you for making a plain ole Thursday into a sort of b-day surprise for me.
The quality was good, the service was excellent, and the price was WRITE!
Based on my experience this Poetry Review is a friendly opinion to help you with your writing.
Read:
I read your poem several times for this review.
Rating:
I agree with the rating you gave it.
Title:
Nice Title!
My First Impression:
Well at first I thought, where's the punctuation. Then the 2nd time I thought, it doesn't really need punctuation!
Structure:
Well balanced I thought.
Grammar:
As mentioned above. It lives without punctuation.
Word Choices:
Most poets have written a poem about "time" at some point in their career. I don't know if that's indicative of poets not having enough time, or if poets are confined by it.
I like your spin on it. Nicely done!
Productive Criticism:
For a first effort, I think it's a good beginning.
Suggested Resources:
Every writer needs a Dictionary and a Thesaurus.
A book on Grammar is also essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes:
Writing.com has a wide variety of resources we can all use.
Other writers can also be helpful and generous with their time and energy.
It never hurts to ask for help or advice.
Based on my experience this Poetry Review is a friendly opinion to help you with your writing.
Read:
I've read your piece three times. Once for me, once for the review and then, once more.
Rating:
The rating you chose fits.
Title:
The Title you chose attracts attention to many people who have spent a lot of time on line.
It fits the piece of writing.
My First Impression:
I'm still a bit lost as to whether you've written a poem, prose, or a poem structure I'm not familiar with.
Structure:
I tried to work it out in six lines per stanza, but that only worked for the first two stanzas.
I suggest you read it and separate the stanzas.
Read it out loud and you'll know the natural breaks.
Grammar:
I think you need a few periods throughout the piece, after each complete thought. Readers need to know where to stop and begin again.
It may be the nature of the piece itself that gave you pause. Trying to define something undefinable, except to yourself.
You pose a question or two; one to yourself and one to the reader, and then you answer it twice. Conflicting the answers.
Word Choices:
If this piece is a poem I would give it more tone, as in each line having the same number of syllables. If you see it as prose, I'd make grammatical changes.
Mine is only one opinion and I'm sure hard core poets might not agree with some of my conclusions because I'm not a poetry expert.
I believe some poems require the use of grammar. It makes them have more impact and cue the reader.
As to word choices I would think of those after a few structural changes.
Although, I would change this: "and I feel like s***."
It has the sound of colloquialism and some people may not fully grasp what that feels like.
You can feel lonely, sad, mad, guilty, warm, cold, wet, dry, empty, numb, etc. We all say, "I feel like s***" but literally, no most of us don't. Mainly because "s***" has not relayed it's feelings to us to make a comparison.
I doubt I'll live long enough for that to happen!
I'd find another word to express the feeling you really have.
I do like your ending:"My heart breaks just the same."
Productive Criticism:
Review what I've said above and if you agree with some of it, make some changes. Rework the piece until you're entirely happy with it.
Other reviewers will give you more feedback. I hope so because you do have a writing background. We're all learning in here at WDC and hopefully helping one another as best we can.
So, don't give up! Keep at it!
Suggested Resources:
Every writer needs a Dictionary and a Thesaurus.
A book on Grammar is also essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes:
Writing.com has a wide variety of resources we can all use.
Other writers can also be helpful and generous with their time and energy.
It never hurts to ask for help or advice.
Based on my experience this Poetry Review is a friendly opinion to help you with your writing.
Read:
I read your poem three times. Once for me, once for you and once for this review.
Rating:
I agree with the rating you gave your poem.
Title:
I think you chose a Title that is very succinct.
My First Impression:
I think you type very quickly. As a result you make typos and tend to miss your space bar.
The "By" line under the Title should have a full colon and the name should be capitalized.
These things give your writing credibility.
Structure:
Your chose to make your poem 7 lines. I would suggest bringing that last line up to make it six lines in total.
Grammar:
You only used a comma and a question mark for punctuation. Each line should have been capitalized. Doing so would of given the poem more impact. Also, some complete thoughts should end with a period.
Word Choices:
Well you obviously worked to find words that would rhyme and you didn't do too badly.
I would edit this poem by adding an "s" to the word "twist".
I would delete the words, "lots of".
In the second line I'd delete "if you're not careful" and replace it with, "without care".
Line three I'd delete "but" and begin the line with "Life".
In the fourth line, I'd change the words "life is like a adventure" to, "Life is an adventure". I'd also drop the word "abound", and change the phrase to, "all ready on the ground".
I have to guess you chose the word "abound" to mean a plentiful something, but you didn't say what the something might be.
The next line indicates the reader should seek them.
Do you see what I mean ? It's like something is missing.
You might rewrite that bit for clarity.
Finally, I'd drop the word "so" and begin with the word "what".
Productive Criticism:
You have the feeling and soul for a poet. You just need more experience with words and grammar. Which is something ALL of us need from time to time. No one is immune.
Try reading your poem bottom to top, line by line to find your errors. They really stand out by doing that. Also, reading them aloud helps you identify parts that aren't working the way you want them to work.
The Internet has dictionaries and thesauruses that are easily accessible for poets. They may be helpful to you.
Thank you for sharing your work.
Suggested Resources:
Every writer needs a Dictionary and a Thesaurus.
A book on Grammar is also essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes:
Writing.com has a wide variety of resources we can all use.
Other writers can also be helpful and generous with their time and energy.
It never hurts to ask for help or advice.
Based on my experience this Review will be a friendly opinion to help you with your writing.
Read:
I read your story through twice. Once for me and once for this review.
Rating:
I agree with your rating up to a point. Only because I think perhaps young people should be mindful of their attitudes and what can result from them. I think your story does that for us all.
Title:
The Title was wonderfully appropriate.
My First Impression:
I was enthralled with your voice. You kept my attention completely and near the end I was breathless.
Structure & Content:
Your paragraphs almost present in a chapter-like format which works well for your story. I like short paragraphs for reading purposes.
Grammar:
I could not fault your grammar.
What I Liked Most:
I liked the ever-growing self examination. The story is one we all can relate to, perhaps too many times. It shows us the cowardliness we cling to and should really change; but, don't.
It also shows us how cold the world we live in has become because of it. I think people forget that, we choose our response to any given situation.
What I Would Change and Why:
Some sentences were painfully long, over 35 words. The length did contribute to the tone of the story. I also like to see quotations broken out only because it makes the work easier to read.
Productive Criticism:
You have created a powerful story. If you made your sentences and paragraphs shorter I don't think you would lose any of that strength.
I would look for similar stories and examine their formats before deciding on changing yours.
If you read your story aloud, slowly and uninterrupted, you will find any places where it may be rough on your reader.
Suggested Resources:
All writers need a good Dictionary, and an equally good Thesaurus.
A good Grammar Book is also a essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes:
Writing.com has wonderful resources if you explore the site. Other writers are generally helpful and generous with their time and expertise. It never hurts to ask!s}
Your story is a wonderful memory and I enjoyed it a great deal.
I live near the ocean, and glass collecting can be a very enjoyable beach walk.
I didn't find any grammatical errors.
The last paragraph, however, left me feeling something was missing.
From counting your finds like Halloween candy there's a shift. The next sentence seems out of context as if something has happened to the sister but the writer hasn't told us (the reader) what.
I would have started a new paragraph with: "Though she never knew,..."
Nicely done overall. Thank you for sharing your memory. It's a lovely memory to have of someone you love.
It's certainly a quick snapshot of the goals of people who vote in polls.
I hope it's answered your questions.
I've only been here myself about a month actively, and I've had similar questions.
I suppose I could have had several choices in your poll if they'd been available.
For instance:
I don't "long" to be published but, I do like to write and I enjoy learning.
The people I've met so far "in text" have been pleasant and encouraging.
I notice some "newbie" work seems to be an exercise at improving English language skills and some seems to be an emotional outlet. Sometimes young people do get overwhelmed with life and writing can help alleviate some of that.
Some are very imaginative so, it's encouraging that writing skills are being maintained especially now, when some of them have phones and are busy texting messages without vowels.
Good Poll, thank you for sharing it.
Based on my experience this Poetry Review will be a Friendly Opinion to help you with your writing.
Read:
I read it three times. Once for me, once for you, and once for this review.
Rating:
I agree with the rating you chose.
Title:
The Title is completely appropriate.
My First Impression:
I chose your poem because Scheherazade was one of my favorites as a child. So I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Your poem makes a great point.
Structure:
I think if you added a word or two in some sentences the poem would read easier and be better balanced.
Grammar:
In the first stanza you have a full colon after "king". A period would have done the job. There were no spelling errors that I could see, except in Scheherazade's name. But that could have a variety of spellings.
Word Choices:
Some of your words fit the poem very well. But, think in terms of how many syllables are in each word. How many in each sentence in the poem? Then consider what changes you could make and still improve the poem.
Productive Criticism:
In one line you referred to, "The Caliph, The King". I would use one or the other, since they are generally accepted as having the same meaning, although inherently different.
You certainly have a flair for poetry and if it's a genre you'd like to develop further you might consider looking at some of the poems on this site that have won awards.
Suggested Resources:
Every writer needs a Dictionary and a Thesaurus.
A book on Grammar is also essential.
They're the tools of our trade.
Other Notes:
Writing.com has a wide variety of resources we can all use.
Other writers can also be helpful and generous with their time and energy.
It never hurts to ask for help or advice.
Based on my acquired knowledge and experience this Review will be a well-rounded examination of your piece. It is my own analytical perspective and a friendly opinion to help you with your writing.
Read:
I only had to read it once to get the feel of the story. The 2nd time was a scan. The third time I read it for me.
Rating:
I agree with your rating.
Title:
The Title fits the story as it now stands. It's a play on, "promises are made to be broken" and of course the word "eggs" in a short sentence with the word "broken" brings to mind: "You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs." I'm sure there are others.
Depending on what you do with this piece, I would probably change the Title to fit a much broader story.
My First Impression:
I had started to read your story in the morning and only read the first scene. Then I had to leave and didn't get to read it in its entirety until later. I couldn't wait to get back to it. I definitely enjoyed it.
Structure & Content:
I like the structure you've given this piece. It's like scenes in a play. Each section stands on its own merits. You also made it easy to read by breaking out the dialog and spacing your paragraphs.
Grammar:
I didn't spot any grammatical errors. There was a space and a comma missing between two words: "It seems that humans once served this creature directlyhe mused to himself."
What I Liked Most:
I liked the storybook feel of the piece. It's adventurous, and has magic, strange lands and creatures and in a sense is a battle between limited man and the powers of magic. The destruction of things we fail to understand.
Your characters I could almost see in my mind's eye. I was mad when Bloodaxe killed Johan. It showed him as a leader without deep thought. He was tenaciously focused against magic and had left no room in his mind for exceptions!
What I Disliked and Why:
While you removed me in time and place, there were times during the reading when some word usage was too modern. So it jarred me back to my own reality. "...like a city skyline", comes to mind.
The ending surprised me entirely. I thought perhaps they should have searched for help well before the egg cracked.
Productive Criticism:
Twice during the story you used the word "visage" and I think once would likely be enough. Check your Thesaurus for alternatives for the word "face". There are too many to mention here.
Suggested Resources:
All writers should have a very good Dictionary and an equally good Thesaurus. A good Grammar Book is also a necessity.
Once you have them, use them! They're the tools of our trade.
Writing.com has wonderful resources if you explore the site. Other writers are usually generous with their assistance and may welcome a break from their own work. It never hurts to ask!
I hope my comments are helpful. Thank you for sharing your story. I did enjoy it.
Based on my acquired knowledge and experience this Review will be a well-rounded examination of your work. It is my own analytical perspective and a friendly opinion to help you with your writing.
Read:
I read your story twice. Once to absorb it and once again to study it.
Rating:
I agree with your rating.
Title:
Your Title is what peaked my interest. It fits as a short story title.
My First Impression:
I'm not sure what I expected initially but it wasn't the threat of a monster. I don't like scary things personally because I like other types of writing. Your story chilled me.
Structure & Content:
Over-all the story works. The format makes it very very difficult to read easily. If it does that, then it's difficult to take your reader with you in time and place and keep up the sense of horror, disbelief, terror, etc. Mainly because the reader keeps losing their place.
Grammar:
Over-all the grammar was pretty good, except towards the end. There was a typo in the last paragraph.
What I Liked Most:
I liked that the reader doesn't know if the worker is male or female. It could be either. I also liked that we never know what sort of monster is in the building.
What I Disliked and Why:
Only a few glitches. I think you should play around with words more. For instance: instead of "beads of sweat", my body heated up and I could feel my pores open. Also, watch redundancies. For instance: "the dark engulfed me" and "I could not see a few feet in front of me" Repetition can enforce the idea, but do it with better more spine tingling words.
Productive Criticism:
I would go through the story and break out the paragraphs to make it easier to read. The first and 2nd last paragraphs: Scraping and Scraped are the words you wanted. The extra "p" could be a typo. "Scrapping" is fighting.
I would have changed a few phrases in your sentences. For instance: "and pulled it towards itself." I would have said, ...pulled it away from me. That way your victim is losing something.
Suggested Resources:
The best things a writer can own are a VERY good Thesaurus and an equally good Dictionary. Especially if they use them well as tools to enhance their skills.
On Writing.com there are courses you can take or groups you can join that will help you shape and develop your skills. There are also articles on Formating, Grammar and many other helpful things we need to constantly refresh our minds about. I'm fairly new to this site and most people are friendly, experienced, and like to help others.
Other Notes:
I think you have the talent to scare the hide off readers. You can suspend disbelief, and you need to keep working at and with it. Read, read, read, everything you can get your hands on by writers you admire. As you read study your reactions. Figure out how they grabbed you in the beginning and why you keep reading. Learn the skill. Good Luck and please , KEEP Writing!
Based on my acquired knowledge and experience this Review will be a well-rounded examination of your work. It is my own analytical perspective and a friendly opinion to help you with your writing.
Read:
I'm one of the people who skipped over the first article to get to the second. I only had to read it once!
Rating:
I agree with your rating it E and I hope everyone reads it.
Title:
The Title you chose should encourage readers.
My First Impression:
I pretty well agree with your entire article.
Structure & Content:
I did not spot anything I would change.
Grammar:
I did not spot any errors.
What I Liked Most:
The fact that you took the time to write this article and present it the way you did. It makes the point.
You captured the moment with words and shared it with us!
I would space out the stanzas to make reading easier.
You might get a good thesaurus to help you choose words. Some stood out. For instance the word "infested" I would have used it in some other work, rather than a reference to a face.
Also, read your work out loud to make sure it doesn't have any rough spots for the reader. You can also read it up from the bottom, line by line to find any typos or grammatical errors.
Sometimes as writers we forget we have an audience. So, always make sure your work is ready for the world at large. It's usually little things that make the difference and we catch them once the work has cooled off, and we come back to it.
I once had a typo in a poem that sat there for over 20 years, and no one noticed it until I put it up in here. :) So, it's easily done.
I do like you poem. You took us with you when you said good-bye. It's your job to involve your reader, and I think you certainly did that.
Good luck with your writing. You do have a talent and a feel for it.
Well! Everyone probably does have a story. You my friend, have a poem!
I like to read poems through several times to see the meter and feel the mood. I'm not sure of the format but there are other reviewers who will be more than familiar. So I hope they will add their voice to mine.
I like your title. It fits. I also like how you brought us (the reader) full circle. We entered several lives in the reading. The old man, the young man, his family.
I like the way the old man's walls were white, uncluttered with pictures. He drew his memories with words and solidified a friendship in the process.
Grammatically, I think you over-used commas and semi-colons. There are no periods that I could see. Semi-colon's can perform that work only under certain conditions. So I think you might get a good grammar booklet or download some info off the Internet. Also get a good thesaurus and dictionary.
It's good to check things from time to time. We all need to do it. It's part of creating.
Also, please remember your space bar. It has a purpose as you will note when you go over your poem again.
It helps to read your piece out loud, and to read it from the bottom up, line by line. This will help you identify words that may not be the "right" word, or typos, or where punctuation is needed.
I think you have a feel for writing that some people never acquire, so never internalize suggestions that reviewers make. We're all helping one another as much as we can.
Keep Writing, you have a talent for it.
Write On Poet!!
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