First off, you asked about good sites for Civil War era Northern dialect. This one is great for picking up the everyday slang and whatnot. - http://www.thedialectdictionary.com/view/letter/Am...
This is a more in depth one, and made for writers- http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~...
Secondly, the piece, so far, seems well researched. The writing is still very rough however. Below are just a few of the grammatical and structure problems I found.
He walked at the column of his troops. - you might consider changing 'at' to 'towards'
He had commanded and driven of Northern soldiers, - 'of' should be changed to 'off'
Men marched behind him and front. - Awkward sentence, perhaps "In front, as well as behind, men marched with him.
The voices are believable and have a ring of truth to them but without the proper structure of the dialogue it's difficult to follow the flow of conversation.
For example -
Before :
They advanced through the thick wooded forest. Ned looked around for Bucky, but he hadn't seen him anywhere. He sat down on his trench when he saw thousands of grey uniformed rebels advancing towards him.
'' Soldiers.... Fire!!! ''
'' Now, Duck!! '' Kenneth shouted.
Most of his men ducked but the rest were too late to obey his orders. Many fell down by the instant struck of a bullet.
'' Charge at the Yankees!!! Brave men of the South!!! '' The Columbian shouted.
His men let such out a terrifying yell that it almost reached to the Northern lines.
The Union Soldiers loaded and fired at any advancing confederate they could see coming through.
'' Don't let them get your morale low men! Kill those Yankess in their trenches!! '' Kenneth shouted.
'' Now, charge!!! ''
As scores of Confederates died, more came to replace them. Most of Jack's men managed to attack the trench.
'' Soldiers.... engage!!! '' He ordered and shot another Confederate.
Ned gripped his rifle tightly. He let out a yell and went over the trench, stabbing a Confederate soldier in the heart. He kicked out another charging Rebel solider and whacked him in the shin with the butt of his rifle.
'' Texans!!! Get in the trenches! '' The Major ordered as he leapt into the trench, he saw a dozen Union Soldiers hoisting their muskets at him. He grinned, and then attacked.
'' Baster! Where's Baster? '' The Colonel shouted in urgency. He then saw Baster's horse without the rider.
They'd have to hold the line until reinforcements arrived, he guessed.
After:
Confederates advanced through the thick wooded forest. Ned looked around for Bucky, but he hadn't seen him anywhere. He sat down on his trench when he saw thousands of grey uniformed rebels advancing towards him and quickly gave the call, '' Soldiers.... Fire!!! ''
'' Now, Duck!! '' Kenneth shouted. Most of his men ducked but the rest were too late to obey his orders. Many fell down, instantly struck by a bullet.
'' Charge at the Yankees!!! Brave men of the South!!! '' The Columbian shouted. His men let out such a terrifying yell that it almost reached to the Northern lines.
The Union Soldiers loaded and fired at any advancing confederate they could see coming through.
'' Don't let them get your morale low men! Kill those Yankess in their trenches!! '' Kenneth shouted. '' Now, charge!!! ''
As scores of Confederates died, more came to replace them. Most of Jack's men managed to attack the trench.'' Soldiers.... engage!!! '' He ordered and shot another Confederate.
Ned gripped his rifle tightly. He let out a yell and went over the trench, stabbing a Confederate soldier in the heart. He kicked out another charging Rebel solider and whacked him in the shin with the butt of his rifle.
'' Texans!!! Get in the trenches! '' The Major ordered as he leapt into the trench, he saw a dozen Union Soldiers hoisting their muskets at him. He grinned, and then attacked.
'' Baster! Where's Baster? '' The Colonel shouted in urgency. He then saw Baster's horse without the rider. They'd have to hold the line until reinforcements arrived, he guessed.
Even this is still a bit confusing. The only sure way to tell it clearly to the reader would be to split the POVs into two separate parts. Flipping between multiple POV (points of view) is really confusing and most publishers are going to ask you to fix before they will consider publishing. You could choose one southerner and one northerner to tell your POV for that side of the war efforts.
I know this is really long but I hope it helps, and if there is some part of my babbling that I wasn't completely clear on, feel free to message me. I hope this was a help.
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