Just an update, I am now back as an unofficial month host, and again, I made some pretty big changes to the format to encourage more participation. You should have a look!
They remind me of the time we had a friend and his wife stay over night when we first bought our farm. The wife had a phobia of all insects. When they went to leave, she couldn't get to her car as they had accidentally parked on an ants nest and they were all running around near the car door (on the ground thankfully). She eventually managed to leap into her car, which was no mean feat as she was not a small lady.
My wife watched them leave commiserating on her phobia and then went inside to clean up the guest room etc. While we were outside saying goodbye, a batch of baby huntsmen spiders had hatched and were crawling everywhere in the room. On the bed. On the walls. They were dropping off the ceiling.
Rather then panic ourselves, we could only marvel at how lucky our friend was that she had left when she did, or that those tiny terrors hadn't hatched during the night while she was laying in bed!
Fourteen years later, we still have not told her of her close call.
I very, very rarely give out 5 stars - and I reserve it for stories that hit me in my heart where epic stories live.
Your story is epic in scope and I loved it. I used to write/draw (and publish) comic books in my youth - and this had all the hallmarks of a great cosmic comic book narrative.
My only suggestion (and I'm not here to tackle grammar or story structure, this time) is that the ending should be more specific about how his children brought back his loved ones. Is it time travel (my vote)? Or is it ressurrection? Just a few words of specificity - and you've got something that you could build on a later date to flesh out into a longer story - or turn into a great little cosmic independent comic book story.
I'd love to participate.
I'm always dreaming of increasing my ability to actually write.
I would aim for 8 weeks
All my handles, usernames are the same: Thundersbeard
Great template. I wish I had noticed this sooner when I ran my own contests. Still, I know i will return here next time I get a bee in my bonnet and want to start another contest.
Awesome. Reminded me of Waylander by David Gemmell. Well done. Some people will no doubt complain about the use of slang like "gonna" being out of place in that time, but you had to showcase the gritty essence of a western somehow!
A nice mix of the daring and dry humour associated with detective stories.
Could do with some tightening up, especially in the roof scene with the transition from going to shoot Vinny to releasing the birds. Maybe also describing the distinctive sound a flock of birds make when they are startled into flight.
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SteamPunk Newsletter Out Now!
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Johny Thundersbeard
Editor, Mentor & Member.
"The Steampunk Authors' Guild "
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WDC Author of the Month May 2012
30DBC Administrator, Judge & Rejigger 2012.
Forum Master "Invalid Item" 2016.
I really hope you are still working on this. Some awesome ideas in here. I'd like to see more written on the differing settings ie. Victorian or what I call Americana (wild west).
If you want to cement some of these passages into 300 word articles for The Clockwork Crier - I totally wouldn't hold it against you ;)
This is a great article and just what I was looking for. I like to write flash fiction to exercise my fingers, and I often enter the prompts here at WDC. A lot of the time I get mixed up with "writing short" and "writing a short short", and as such, while the writing might be fine, the story is not.
This is a great guide to keeping on track with the tenets of writing proper flash fiction, let alone good flash fiction, in particular points 2-7.
I've also taken the liberty of posting a link to your article in my writing craft message forum.
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You present your opinion well here. A few little grammarly errors , but nothing major.
And for the record, although Bruce Jenner is not biologically a woman, you cannot deny that he is a brave soul to wear a dress and wig and self identify in front of the world
He's a braver human then me or you, I suspect, and as such is a hero to many others who would like to wear their peccadillos on their blouse sleeve (as the case may be)
I liked this very much. I would have liked to read a more visceral description of the lovers though. Was hard to visualise, my perceptions kept changing with the descriptions.
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