I enjoyed reading "Return to Me." The story was interesting and captivating. The narrative painted a clear picture, but it was a little emotionless.
I would have liked a little more character in Little Dove. The story suggested that she was grown, yet her actions seem that of a 10-12 year old child. You clearly showed what she was doing, but not what she was thinking. Yes, she was crying when the doll was given to her, her actions suggest that she was angry, but I would have liked to see a clearer picture of what was going on in her head to draw me deeper into her world.
Content-wise, you have a good start. What would happen if small town was in danger of a nuclear attack? The events at the school are very believable.
I'm wondering what your main character's name is? Maybe you could insert it somewhere in the classroom scene.
The reason for the low rating is the grammar and technical aspect. It was very difficult to read. The paragraphs consist of a few long sentences made up of several independent clauses strung together by comma's. Go through again (when you're rested ) and break up the sentences. Make some sentences shorter. Add dependent clauses to others. Then, read through again, proofing for spelling and punctuation.
Hope this helps. Let me know when you've gone over it. I would love to read and re-rate it.The story is there, it just needs a little help coming out.
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) and break up the sentences. Make some sentences shorter. Add dependent clauses to others. Then, read through again, proofing for spelling and punctuation. 