I found this on the FanFic tag.
Very well written! I loved the twist, although it was very sad. Your descriptions were impressive.
Very sad, but very good!
Write on!
This was a WONDERFUL poem, Josh. I am very flattered that my poem inspired yours. I think that the ways you described heartbreak were very relatable. One does feel broken. It hurts a lot.
Your poem was very good, and I thank you for the mention to me in your description.
Keep on writing!
I'll be sure to check out some more of your stuff.
A few things:
It's a great poem! Definitely scary. If I saw people who were close to death, I would pee my pants!
Maybe, instead of writing "lo' and behold," write something you would actually say in a conversation. Would you say lo' and behold in a regular conversation? Maybe incorporate that into your poetry. Language that you would use when talking.
It's a good poem. I loved the word flow.
This story made me so hungry!!!
I loved your choices of wording throughout the entire story. The ways you explained the flavor of each chocolate had me feeling like I could taste every single one!!
I liked how you told us about the last candy. It sounded wonderful!
Now that im craving chocolate, I will leave you. Keep writing!!!
I know these feelings better than the feeling of happiness. I've been played by one specific guy over and over again. If I weren't in a relationship at the moment, I would probably still be under his spell. I always knew what he was doing to me. But I thought that I loved him enough to put up with it. I was wrong.
He is in one of my stories: My First Kiss if you want to read a little bit about him. He's not in it for long though. I might soon upload a story about him later.
But well written. The emotion is strong and it's very relatable. I loved your wording.
Such sad emotion. It shows what kind of heartbreak becomes present with the after-effects of today's version of 'love'. It's a great work! I loved it...and I definitely related to it. I'll definitely keep reading you!
Keep writing!
--Taya
The emotion in this is so raw. It makes me feel sorrow for the mother. I like how you said "She could live with him hurting her, but touch her kids and you've dug your own grave." It makes me feel like she is so protective of her children and that he had it coming for hurting her son.
It's very well written and I loved it!
Keep writing!
--Taya
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