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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/thewriter
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11 Public Reviews Given
42 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Ricochet  Open in new Window.
Review by B$fan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Good start.

I like the description. I really love the line at the end.

But I feel its to short. I mean its a nice snipit of a scene, but I'd really like to see you take it and run with it. That would make me incredible happy.

Also a little spacing would help this. Break it into several shorter paragraphs instead of leaving it as one big one.
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2
Review of Its All Over  Open in new Window.
Review by B$fan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Pretty good.

I want to take my guitar and write a song to it. An incredible sad song..... with a lot of minor chords.... that picks up speed toward the end and then finishes with a nice decrescendo.

However...

Some of your lines kill the flow.


From the moment you met.
^ ^
Met what? If you want it to be between you and the person the song is about simply change it to we.

Keep up the good work.

Yours truly,
BSfan
3
3
Review of Haiku #6  Open in new Window.
Review by B$fan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice little Haiku.

I find it rather impressive that you were able to capture such emotion into so little words. Very nice.

You've got great potential.

I hope you keep up the excellent work and good luck with your poker tournament.

Yours truely,
BSfan
4
4
Review of Reviewer's Club  Open in new Window.
Review by B$fan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Pass It On,

I admire your spunk and I love that you're getting people to review.

Nice use of colors and graphics. It makes the page easy and enjoyable to read.

Nice job listing all the benefits and incentives to joining the group. I think it was also a good idea to leave a bunch of basic links to show the regular incentives reviewing. That way if people find they can't spend the time reviewing constanly and put in the work needed to be helpful to the group they might still review in their spare time.

I really love this group. I think its a great idea. And I hope you keep it up. I think you have something great one your hands.

BSfan

Reviewer's Club
5
5
Review by B$fan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Quite a nice story.

I enjoyed the description.

Two things though:

Spacing is important. Break up your paragraphs. It'll make the whole thing a lot easier to read.

At some points I think it gets a tad wordy. Some of them can be edited out and you'll get better flow with your sentences.

Keep up the good work

BSfan
6
6
Review of Letter From Somme  Open in new Window.
Review by B$fan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Well written and touching.

The description is great and you really make me feel for the writer of the letter and the girl it is being sent to.

I can only imagine how she would feel.

You really ran with the prompt. Very nice.

Keep up the excellent work.
7
7
Review of Your Fat Family  Open in new Window.
Review by B$fan Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a fantastic story. I enjoy the flow of the storylines and the versitilty that the story offers.

This story has everything a fan of weight gain fiction could possibly want. From force-feeding to intentional gain with added romance.

I love the highly developed characters, and I admire the fact that you take such care in editing your chapters.

Everything is just so well done. Not since It's Great To Gain have I seen such a masterful weight gain interactive.

You've got a sure fire cult classic on your hands and I can't wait to help it continue to expand.
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