I think this is lyrics for some reason. To start, I have goosebumps, this is put together well and would be almost a blues or dark slow rock if made into music. The repeating phrases are a nod to a song layout, in this case the chorus of the song, and the build up and resting is all there to make the poem a comfertable read all in all.
I would totally make music of this.
Allons-y
TheRagDoctor
A challange well done Stella. The prompt was met and the story was beyond incredible. The main factor the threw me for a spin was the medical speak and the character being a drug addict.
The character was flawed, and that's was what progressed the story. Authors who make the character not mess up ever is lazy to me. The world never has a perfect person, and you show this well.
A thing to build on is the months inbetween, flesh them out and show how the character struggles with death. The stages of accepting death is a topic that is not a easy thing to write about, but if written right can make all the differance. The book "Before I Fall" is a wonderful example of this topic. Pick it up at a library.
For completeing the challange, 1600 gps is attached
I am crying as I type this... wow. This is powerful, enough to make me tear up. I don't know if you were bullied or you knew someone, but this is what really got me. You explained every little thing, but not too much or little to make the story come together.
I honestly thought this was amazing, and now I am dying to know of any sequal or addition to this as I would read them in a heartbeat.
The complexity of the character is well explained; backstory and mental. The situation. This boy has a mindset that is longing to belong but knows that measures must be taken to achive. And that ending, I thought it was suidcide until the muzzle stared a Josh and I was struck at the sudden action.
This needs a second story, maybe about Page trying to fit in maybe?
I...I . Sweet love this was amazing. Let me just say you have a story worthy of a textbook. Let me just grade you in spots.
Voice- the characters spoke as if they were alive, thought realistic things and to top it off the helpless mother was a emotional character. To see that gives a meaning to your story and a image of a character.
Grammer- not anything was caught through my read of your story.
Flow- Like a river, everything hooked together smoothly and the story itself was clearly made with a effort.
The story- from what I understand of the mother character is that she is willing to cover up murder to save her son. This is a common theme, however the way she thought before saving her son was realistic about repercussions of the sons action. The characters were introduced smoothly and have actual reason for their actions. But there is a way to make them better, explain what happened between the ex and girl to paint the scene for the break of parol.
This in my regards is a 4.8/5.
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