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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/thejazzpony
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12 Public Reviews Given
12 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Jazmyne Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
I give this a two because I can't really understand this piece. It felt like one huge run-on sentence, even though you had periods. Indenting your paragraphs does wonders for clarity. Always indent when a new speaker is talking, and indent when a new idea starts that doesn't totally "fit" with your previous sentences. Your paragraphs don't have to be long, they can be one sentence. How you chose to break up the story into paragraphs can determine how it is read by the reader. Your paragraphs don't need to be all the same size either. Fix your format and grammar/spelling, and then people will be able to focus on your writing, not your mechanics.
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Review of First drum set  Open in new Window.
Review by Jazmyne Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good rhythm to the piece. The meter has a very "rat-a-tat-tat" feel to it. Overall, a nice poem that is entertaining to read. The only thing I don't like is how you end the first bit with only one word (bangs) before going into your "course" Maybe make the last line longer, but it could stand on its own, just my opinion.
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Review of Preface  Open in new Window.
Review by Jazmyne Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like it! "The Law" seems a bit drastic and crazy, and then you bring up the whole "until now" thing.
I'm very curious who this law pertains to, and why the sudden change. I think this is a very good set up to whatever you are writing. You already have me hooked. Keep it up through out your piece. Good job!
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