I wish the world would stop and read things like this and learn from it. With all the wars, acts of violence, hate, it just seems like everyone is missing the big picture, that we are here to share happiness with each other. One of the most inspirational songs I have heard that has a very similar message (and Im sure you have heard it)is "Imagine" by John Lennon. Very nice poem, I will be checking out your other poems later.
His story is amazing. That would be very scary to fall below the train while moving. If it is the difference between life or death anyways, I would have done the same and am suprised none of the others on the train followed him. This was very inspirational. I plan on checking out more of your writings.
So far so good. I look forward to reading the other chapters later. You have an excellent knowledge of vocabulary and Grammar. My only thing I could point out as correcting is the use of a period after quotes. For instance,
“Goodnight.“ she told him.
Im not the best in grammar, but in most published work, it seems they use a comma after. So "Goodnight," she told him. Otherwise you would be writing it wrong for having the lower case "s" in she after the period. Obviously their are times when a period after quotes is required. I just recommend going thru the writing to add a comma instead where appropriate.
With that said, some writers (as they would call themselves) tell a story, but you can tell they are not really in the story, because their lack of attention to detail or the lack of emotions. I can tell you place yourself in your characters shoes because you are able to convince me its real.
"“Thirsty.” she explained. Her hands ached with tension as they played with the white linen handkerchief in her lap. "
Its the little details such as her aching hands playing with the handkerchief that makes this story all the more real. I think you do a great job capturing the scene in your head and relaying the info to us readers, so we can almost be there with you.
This poem was nice. A lot of people would have turned the storm, wind, branches hitting each other as something scary. They would probably get an image of Poltergeist in their head and think the tree will grab them out of their bed. But you put a positive spin to the noise outside and used it as a means of comfort for the young girl. I liked that.
Sheldon
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/theflyingbauer
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 12:04pm on Nov 16, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
