Lol - this is funny. I don't know why you would offer GPs for a review, this is pretty much perfect. Your rhyming is pretty good, and doesn't at all distract from the central message of the piece. I know certain groups would go absolutely crazy for work like this. The first stanza really sums it up the situation well. The only criticism I would have is for the last two lines. They seem to go askew of the writing style and mood of the piece. It looks like you put a lot of work into making this poem sound good, got to the last two lines and was like "eh, the rest is good, I'll just b.s. this last part". Unless "Jack and Jill" is a reference to something that I am just not getting. In which case I retract that assertion. Good job though.
This is honestly retarded. Terrible writing, doesn't flow at all. Super choppy. Is this supposed to be some kind of attack on Tom Cruise? The only thing insulting about this is that it offends the intellect by being so dim witted. You should plan out your writing by drawing up a storyboard before hand, or at least make up some kind of plan as to where you want to go with your writing.
I love when people say Scientology "isn't for them". What isn't for you? Help? Communication? Cheerfulness?
Are you saying you are trying to NOT succeed? Or is it just that you don't believe help is even possible anymore?
I do like how you noticed the subliminal religious commentary of Dead Space though. I feel that many games and pop culture in general are starting to slant their messages against all religious and spiritual ideas.
It is very refreshing to see a fellow thinker. I agree with most of what you said, and I have experienced the thing you refer to as a "moment of clarity". It is a wonderful, beautiful thing, and nothing has brought me greater joy. I experience this almost every time I smoke weed. If you do not partake of it yourself, I would humbly suggest you to try it a few times. You will find what you seek. Lastly, the only thing i disagree with you on is "everyone is equal". In my travels through this world i have found that there are many individuals who are not thinkers, like you and I, and in fact purposefully seek to act without thought with the intention of obscuring clarity. Clarity is a righteous goal to shoot for, but not everyone is on our side. It is these who are not equal to the rest.
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