First off I'm not a professional writer. I however, will try to give you my utmost honest opinion in this review. I hope you find it helpful. I chose your work because I personally love fantasy. It is definitely my favorite genre. I like your writing style but you can go into much more detail with certain things. One thing i would love to have description for is definitely the dragons. Describe what they look like. What makes them unique from other dragons. Give a description of your characters as well. Describe their feelings. Use detail, it will be your best friend. Readers love to connect to characters. It is what draws them into the story. I also think you should go into detail about the hourglass. Again, this is my own opinion and you do not have to use anything I say, but I think you should reconsider your dialogue. You're trying to write in older English that I am sure you're not used to. For your readers this is going to be hard to read. If you've ever watched merlin or reign the characters are from the same time period as your story. Yet, they don't try and incorporate old English because it would be too hard for the viewers. Another thing I noticed with your dialogue is your word choice. My English teacher says that sometimes the first word that pops into your head is the best word. It's okay to look up words to prevent repetition but be sparing with it. Getting too wordy will make a reader confused or bored. I do think your story line, however, is very interesting. As for your grammar, the only thing I really noticed was your use of commas. I strongly advise that you google when to use commas when you do your editing. After reading your story all the way through I really enjoyed the ending. It leaves me guessing and wanting more. Something all readers want is more. We want our questions answered. I hope to read this again after you have edited it. If you do not take my advice I will not be mad, of course.
I am fairly new to this website. I was trying to figure some things out after writing my review and it deleted everything I wrote. I will try to get everything I had the first time back. I really enjoyed this short story. I thought it was very entertaining and it really pulled me in. I felt it was very well written besides a few spelling and grammar errors. I would read through it a few times to find the spelling errors. In the line "Resisting the pull, that came from somewhere so deep in my soul," you really don't need the comma between pull and that. It just makes the sentence choppy. In the line "The storm brewing," try switching the words brewing and storm. By switching these it will make the sentence flow smoother. In the line "Soul deep rest and eternal, uninterrupted reflection of what my existence really meant." I really don't know what you mean by soul deep rest and eternal. I don't know if you mistyped or if I simply cannot read, but I would try rephrasing it. As for the line "It's waves seemed to be like arms held wide open waiting for me to step into it's embrace." You do not need the apostrophes in both of the it's. If you were saying it is waves, then you would need the apostrophe. You make this mistake in a few more lines as well. You made this mistake with your to's, also. In the line "I felt free, I felt light and warm," you need to simply rephrase. Try saying I felt free, light and warm, or connecting it somehow to the sentence before. In the line "I began to fight to regain control of myself and to fight to get back to the surface," it should be written as I began to fight to regain control of myself and to get back to the surface. The reason I'm giving this two and half stars is because there are just so may grammatical errors. I would also like to see more detail in the work. If there is only a certain amount of words you can have in short stories then I understand, but it would still be nice to see. Otherwise I hope you understand how much I truly like reading this piece. I hope my review has helped your writing somehow. I know I really like receiving reviews in mine.
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