WELCOME TO THE LIGHTHOUSE SHORT STORY CONTEST
It is my pleasure to read and review your entry for "The Lighthouse Short Story Contest" . First, I would like to thank you for taking the time to enter the contest. I know that there are so many different contests here on WdC. I wanted to take "The Lighthouse Poetry Contest" to a new level and designed a short story contest to allow us to share testimonies and feelings in our faith. I'm so pleased that you took the time to write and enter it. I hope that you enjoy my religious-based contests and return often. It is nothing like sharing the joy, love, faith, and knowledge of our Heavenly Father.
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Disclaimer:
I will give you my thoughts, pointers, corrections if needed, and some advice. These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful, and please disregard the rest, for I'm not an expert reviewer.
A little background on how I review others work:
I want to let you know that I do not review like most people. I, for one, have a unique contest. It is about God and you, your feelings for Him, and the things He does in your lives. I canβt take that away from you, but I can help you grow in the gift He has given you. I will provide you with input to help your story be a powerful testimony for others to read. I donβt want to cross any lines because this is your testimony, not mine.
I use a grammar app that helps me tremendously, and I would like to share it with others as a gift. I will give you an in-depth review of your story. This is by no means a reflection on your work. It is my opinion only, and you may use it or not. It is totally left up to you if you wish to use the changes. I have learned so much these past two years by using Grammarly. I feel more confident in my writing. When I came to WdC four years ago not knowing much about writing, but I have always wanted to write for many years. I needed somewhere to learn, and I stumble upon Writing.com. The best thing I have ever done for myself. I even have recommended it to family and friends who have joined.
When I judge a contest, I have to take many factors into play, how well it is written, grammar, punctuation, passive voice vs. active voice {I had to look those up myself}, if it is too wordy, and a few other things. I keep in mind that this is your story, your testimony, and it has to be your words that I use to make it a powerful message. I hope not to offend anyone with the reviews I give.
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Title:
The title "All Things Work Out For My Good" is a true statement for all of us.
Imagery & Emotions:
I truly hate this happened to you and pray that the scars have healed and He has given you the peace in your heart.
I can relate to the feelings that come from a rape. I won't go into detail here. Your testimony hits too close to home for our family. Unfortunately, in cases like these, your readers can relate to the numbness, fear, shame, confusion, guilt, anger, so many emotions that go with rape. Especially when it is someone whom you trust.
Which cousin are you talking about? Must be on your dad's side. I don't recall anyone working at the records building in OK City. I know that it would have been a shock to realize that you could have been injured or worse. I'm glad that she is ok.
There are times in our lives when it seems we are alone until we realize all we had to do is reach up to Him. To feel all the comfort, love, strength, and compassion that He offers to us. In Conclusion:
Distractions and/or Errors: The corrections are just corrections, not meaning that your story is not excellent. The revisions are intended to make it stronger. The corrections in the whole sentence were passive, and I was instructed to rewrite them by Grammarly to make it in an active voice. I found 20 errors in your short story. The following are suggestions for making your piece stronger and less distracting with grammar and punctuation errors. They are more than one correction in some sentences. I added the whole sentence to help you find it easier when/if you make changes.
1. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.
2. I love God, and I am called according to his purpose.
3. An ex-boyfriend raped me.
4. He had lured me outside before I knew what was happening.
5. I won't go into full details here, but what happened during this experience makes the difference in this story.
6. I would slip in and out of consciousness while he had his way with me.
7. Somehow, I ended back up in my body, gasping for air.
8. I had been told later that the ex-boyfriend only spent three weeks in jail for his act of violence towards me.
9. I was in shock and in a daze for several weeks after it happened.
10. All I know is I had seen a guy that looked like my ex-boyfriend at the technical school I was in at the time, and the memory and realization of what had happened to me came flooding back.
11. As horrible as it was, this event turned out for my good because I was able to fully experience what it was like to be washed in the blood of the Lamb.
12. He was able to save many people from a huge famine, including his brothers, who had sold him into slavery.
13. He was able to forgive his brothers because he realized what they had meant for his harm.
14. God had planned and used it for the good of many people.
15. Another memory takes me back to the Oklahoma City bombing at the Federal Building in 1995.
16. A cousin who would have normally been at work in the Journal Records building across the street from the Federal Building.
17. However, she happened to have been at the courthouse 5 blocks away.
18. If she would have been in her office at work, she may have been hit by broken glass and shrapnel as the windows were blown out of her office.
19. Time and time again, I have seen this verse lived out.
20. God is good all the time, and always has my best interest at heart.
I hope this helps you. As I said before, I am not a professional reviewer. I am here to help you sharpen your skills. I by no means am a perfect author myself. I have the Grammarly app, and it has helped me out tremendously these past few years. It has sharpened my skills, and I want to freely and lovingly share them with others. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.
ATTENTION: I want to introduce you to an incentive program that I have designed to encourage others to make the edits and gain an upgraded Awardicon. If you make the suggested corrections at your own discretion because it is your work, not mine. But, remember I have used your words. If you place in the contest, I will give you a 25k Awardicon instead of a 10k. I have not forgotten the rest of you! If you do the corrections, I will give you my new Exclusive MB in the works with CR's included. I will also change your rating to reflect a higher rating.
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