The Disclaimer
Please remember
I’m only a simple knight
with nothing to offer
but my humble opinion.
Tina B
Hi Ginebra!
I just read “The Fabric of Loss” that I found while browsing the “Noticing Newbies” page.
First Impression:
What a vivid picture of loss and grief. I certainly felt a sense of pain and dispair when reading your work.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I really like your image of grief being tied up into the “fabric of our lives.”
I especially like the last line when you said the dark therads threaten to “strangle our hearts and choke off our breath.” That certainly evokes strong emotion with me.
The Technical Aspect:
I did not spend a lot of time editing your work, but I didn’t notice any major problems that distracted me from your story. Only one sentence stuck out:
“Some threads are lighter than others, those are the memories of those whose loss we understand.”
I think it would sound better if they were two sentences:
“Some threads are lighter than others. Those are the memories of those whose loss we understand.”
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
Very heartbreaking short piece. Well done. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself. I hope my review helps you as a writer as much as it helped me.
This review is for the “Showering Acts of Joy April Auction”
The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B Hi Maria!
I reviewed your poem “Mist.”
First Impression:
I don't know if you suffer from depression, but this poem makes me believe you have some knowledge of it.
The Title and The Brief Description:
Your title truly fit this poem well. I've often described this feeling as a darkening and loss of light, but I really liked how you used the image of mist to describe such sadness. I especially liked your brief description “sadness invaded.” This was what “hooked” me. I thought this was a great brief description for your poem.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
Though I did not did notice a specific rhyme pattern or meter, your poem flowed very nicely. I specifically liked the repeating last two lines. That really added emphasis to a world devoid of color.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I was really able to connect with this poem as someone who suffers (more often than I like) with depression. To me this mist, so thick and bleak, is exactly how I feel on those gray days.
The best part, though, was the image of sadness as a mist as I mentioned before. I thought this was a beautiful description.
The Technical Aspect:
There was no specific style of poetry to comment on. The only thing I may throw out as a suggestion is to make the second to last line a complete sentence like this:
I feel my way, wading
through the darkened hours.
The colour has gone.
The colour has gone.
But this is only a suggestion.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
This was an excellent freestyle poem on the gray mist of depression. This was very well done, I thought.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
This review is for the “Showering Acts of Joy April Auction”
The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B Hi Maria!
I reviewed your etheree poem “Drinking Memories.”
First Impression:
I thought this was such a bittersweet poem about having something that reminds you of home and brings you comforting memories.
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title fits your poem very well, though I have to admit I thought it would be a poem about being drunk. I was very pleasantly surprised to be wrong.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
Your poem flowed very well. I didn't get hung up on any awkward phrases or odd punctuation. I really liked how you organized your poem beginning with “flawed” cups then explaining how precious they were to you.
I was a bit confused about your final two lines. Initially I thought you were British and had moved to America, because the “Mother Land” is often used here when discussing our British roots, and using "Sea" made me believe you traveled over the ocean. When I read your biography, though, I realized you moved from Holland to the UK, so I didn't really understand the last bit about how the cups gave you “precious memories of London” when you're already there.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I was really able to connect emotionally with this poem. I lived for three years in Italy and learn to make, what I consider, the perfect cup of cappuccino. I bought a beautiful mug that I used, and any time I bring it out for what ever drink, I'm reminded of that time.
The Technical Aspect:
I thought you did a wonderful job with the etheree style poem. I didn't really notice any problems with grammar or punctuation. I truly loved your first three lines with the repetitive use of the word “cups.” This really captured my attention when I started reading the poem, and somehow started me thinking these would be special “cups.” Very nicely done, I thought.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
What a lovely poem about memories in a Cup. It's often the simple things that make us feel at home. Oh, and by the way, thank you for the note about the B-choice cups, but I had no trouble understanding what you meant without the note
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
This review is for the “Showering Acts of Joy April Auction”
The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B Hi Maria!
I reviewed your poem “Time Puzzle.”
First Impression:
This was a very thought provoking poem about the complexity of God in time.
The Title and The Brief Description:
Your title fits this poem very well. Your brief description is what “hooked” me. I liked how you used the different questions to show that your poem would be about the question of time and how we try to study it as a science.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
This freestyle poem seemed to flow very nicely. Often for me freestyle usually means someone didn't take time to see if their poem flowed well, but your work sounds like you did. I liked how you started off with the question of time. Then in the next stanza stated what scientists have “discovered.” Then ended your poem with the question to God about granting you more time.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I was not able to really visualize this poem, but I don't know how anyone can visualize time. I really connected with the question though, and took some time pondering what time truly is.
The Technical Aspect:
I do have several suggestions for your poem:
In the second stanza, I had a difficult time understanding the last two lines.
"Time is one,
Moment or eternal."
I took the line to mean that time is one moment or time is eternity, but the comma after “one” makes me question my interpretation. Also the phrase “or eternal” sounded a bit awkward when I read it out loud.
Perhaps a question mark at the end of the second line in your final stanza would read better. For example:
"Could I have Your no time,
Running my life?
I would be saved."
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
This was a very thought provoking poem. Well done.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
This review is for the “Showering Acts of Joy: April Auction”
The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B Hi Maria!
I reviewed your poem “The sea never the same.”
First Impression:
My first impression was of both sadness and frustration. Sad because the storms seem to always come, and frustrated because there is nothing to be done about it.
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title fit your poem very well, and your description “of turbulence” gave a small glimmer of what your poem was about.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
This freestyle poem seemed to flow very well to me.
You structured your poem to begin with the peace of the sea followed by its turbulence. I don't know if you could have structured it any other way, but that worked really well.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
The emotion of this poem, for me, was the best part. I could see me gently floating in the Gulf of Mexico with the sun on my face and my eyes closed. Then…BAM! Everything goes dark, and I'm suddenly struggling to stay afloat. It's not very often that I can put myself in a poem, but I did this one.
The Technical Aspect:
I didn't see a particular style or format of this poem to critique. The only question I have is in the third line, “to and fro the shore.” Did you mean “to and from the shore?” I wasn't sure.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
I thought this was a beautiful poem, and I was really able to connect with it. Very well done.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
I was going to do a review of you poetry, but I got hooked into reading your article about medical care in India versus in America.
I do have one question. In your second point “It's quicker. Hospitals are much less crowded.” Did you mean in the United States or in India?
This is my favorite line:
"which almost allows poverty to be viewed as a sin and richness as a virtue. In such a system, social welfare is viewed as communism, the most abominable bugbear in the eyes of the USA. The outcome of such a scenario is that the four giants feed on the blood of the victim and offer a part of the blood sucked, as an offering, to the one who so allows."
I thought this added a rich layer of imagery to support your argument. It certainly tugged at my emotional heartstrings, especially as to how poor Americans are a blood offering.
Though I thought you did a brilliant job touching on problems with the US healthcare system, I would have liked to have learned what works in India, that might work here. You stated at the beginning of your article that Indian medicine is more cost effective yet still provides excellent healthcare for the poor. How so?
Dr. Gupta, I thought this was a wonderful article on a topic that's near and dear to my heart. I would love to see healthcare in my country be about taking care of people not representing capitalism at its finest.
The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B Hi Natbutterflyblue!
I reviewed your story “DemiGod.”
First Impression:
I thought this was such a creative story of a girl’s coming-of-age in a very different world.
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title and brief description fit your story well.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
This was such a great story. I would have loved more details like: what happened when Ashalia met her mom?
I did get a bit lost when you stopped as Ashalia was running and “everything changed…” to the death of her friends. I thought the “everything changing” had to do with her friends’ deaths, so I was really trying to figure that out (that’s just me though, but it slowed me down)
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I love your imagery of Hades as the main character first arrives at the river Styx. Great description of the ferryman and the “mists of a thousand souls…”
The death scene of Hera at the end by such a simple means based on Ashalia’s own talents was very creative as well.
The Technical Aspect:
There were quite a few grammatical issues with your story. At times it did distract me from your story (especially the run-on sentences). I put a few examples below:
“This was my garden, well my aunts garden anyway, I spent all my free…” aunts should be aunt’s, and there should be a period after anyway. There were several more run-on sentences in your story .
“Its not surprising considering my mother is the goddess of the earth Aurelia.” It might read a little better if you change the order of the sentence “Its not surprising considering my mother, Aurelia, is the goddess of the earth."
This sentence reads a little awkward: “I have never meet my mother but Dad always told me she loved me very very much but the rules of the god forbade her to see me until I was sixteen, only a few days away now.” Maybe try “I have never meet my mother, but Dad always told me she loved me very very much. Unfortunately the rules of the gods forbade her to see me until I was sixteen, only a few days away now."
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
Great job on the journey she made to become a DemiGod and defeat Hera. If you every add more detail to your story, I'd love to read more.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
Keep your words flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
"Invalid Item"
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Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer
My pen is my sword,
and I use your work as a grindstone
in a noble attempt to sharpen us both.
Please remember
I’m only a simple knight
with nothing to offer
but my humble opinion.
Tina B
Hi jmcverzola!
I just read your sonnet “Sonnet of Hope” that I found while browsing sample sonnets in the Sonnets and Ghazal Contest.
First Impression:
This was a good sonnet comparing life to the open sea.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I really connected with the idea of life being like the rough sea. You point out in your poem that there's times where we find it too difficult to struggle through the waves and the storm, but our hope still remains in God. I like the “weathering the storm” theme here.
The Technical Aspect:
I did not spend a lot of time editing your work, but I didn’t notice any major problems that distracted me from your story.
In the second stanza, third line I believe there's only nine syllables.
I'm not certain if you chose a rhyme scheme. If so, I believe the second stanza is the only one that follows a pattern.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
This was a beautiful sonnet with good imagery. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself. I hope my review helps you as a writer as much as it helped me.
Keep your ink well full and flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
"Invalid Item"
This auction will support and reward several fine groups including Knights of the Review Table.
Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer
My pen is my sword,
and I use your work as a grindstone
in a noble attempt to sharpen us both.
Please remember
I’m only a simple knight
with nothing to offer
but my humble opinion.
Tina B
Hi Tim Chiu!
I just read your poem “the Beast Who Was Least” that I found while browsing the Request Reviews page.
First Impression:
Overall I really liked your poem.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I did have an emotional pull for Least. I felt so sad for the lonely monster who only had a little snake for company.
There was not a lot of imagery in this poem to comment on.
The Technical Aspect:
There were a few things that stood out to me in your story:
This line “With his pet snake, Rizulo, by the tail, in his hand.” read a little awkward to me, perhaps in part because of the unfamiliar name Rizulo
In this line "He truly hated people, for he was aptly named Least…” I didn't understand the connection why he hated people. Was it because they named him Least? That's what I originally thought, but as I read your entire problem it sounds like other beasts and bears were his real problem.
I was very confused as to who Least's mother was. In the third stanza you state his mother was a slave in need of rescue. Then you say is father met a bear, and was the one who gave birth to Least. Very confusing.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
Great job on your rhyme pattern, and it was a pretty good story. Nice job. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself. I hope my review helps you as a writer as much as it helped me.
Keep your ink well full and flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
"Invalid Item"
This auction will support and reward several fine groups including Knights of the Review Table.
Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B Hi E. J. Apostrophe!
I reviewed your poem: “Lonely No More.”
First Impression:
I'm truly impressed you were able to pull off a mono rhyme.
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title of your poem certainly fit the subject, and I like that you included the style you used in the brief description. I'm always shopping around for new forms of poetry.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
Your poem was organized to tell a story of which you did a wonderful job. I personally had a little difficulty with the flow. I think for me it was because each line was such a complex sentence. I have to go back a few times to reread a sentence to make sure I got it all.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I certainly connected with the author of this poem. To lose the love of your life to a friend is such a betrayal. I was definitely impressed in the end when the author was able to let go of the girl.
The Technical Aspect:
I didn't spend a lot of time editing your work, but there were a few run-on sentences, for example in the second stanza, first line you need a comma after the word lonely.
Also in the second stanza you write “I bite the bait-drinking these sour poison you possess.” The dash for some reason makes me think this is some kind of bait drinking game or fishing game. Perhaps a comma or a semicolon would work nicely here.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
I'm still impressed with your mono rhyme. I can't believe you pulled it off with a 12 line poem using all rhyming words. Job well done.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
Keep your words flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
"Invalid Item"
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Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B Hi River!
I reviewed your poem: “Release.”
First Impression:
This is such an emotionally charged poem.
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title fit your poem very well. The brief description didn't really seem to match your poem to me. Not certain I understand what burdens you speak of. I certainly get the painful reality though.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
I thought this was a wonderfully written structured poem. You chose an effective rhyme pattern, and the meter remained consistent throughout your poem. Now that I've used all the neat poetic terms I am learning, the bottom line is when I read your poem out loud it sounded beautiful.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I thought the strongest point of this poem was the emotion. I could certainly identify with the author. There are so many times where I'm tired of wearing a mask. It takes so much energy, and there's just days where I don't want to put it on. It is “suffocating.” Your poem was so emotional for me I actually cried.
The Technical Aspect:
I'm not the best at looking at grammar and the mechanics, but I will tell you if something's wrong it messes up the flow of a poem for me. I didn't see anything like that in your work which is probably why I was able to get to the emotion so easily (since I wasn't distracted by poor rhyming or uneven lines).
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
This truly was a wonderful poem, River. I really enjoyed reading your poetry.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
Keep your words flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
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Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B Hi SWPoet!
I reviewed your poem: “Chiseling Teacups.”
First Impression:
This is a terrific message.
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title fit your poem well. The brief description is what drew me, though, since I am usually the one who is over-sensitive.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
This was a short poem, that flowed very well, stating the two viewpoints.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
my favorite part about this poem is the imagery. Picturing a hammer and chisel against a delicate little teacup, waiting for the slightest reason to strike out. I could see the author watching the teacup shatter, dumbfounded, because that wasn't the point at all. I definitely emotionally connected to your poem.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
what a powerful message in such a short poem. I love reading your poetry. Please keep writing.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
Keep your words flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
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Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B Hi Kilpik!
I reviewed your story “Rabbit versus Turtle.”
First Impression:
This was such a great story! What a great perspective on why the rabbit lost.
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title, of course, suits your story well. It was the brief description, though, that brought me in. I'm a big fan of the other side of the story, and this piece didn't disappoint.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
The pace of your story moved quickly (ha ha, ha, pace–rabbit race, sorry I have a pun problem).
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection: I actually made a connection with the rabbit for the first time in my life. Who knew he was doing such a good and noble thing? I love your take on why the rabbit lost on purpose. What a good tale (ha ha ha I just can't seem to stop: tail–tale).
Best line: "whimpering puddles of pitiable muck a proverbial bone every now and again". I'm still smiling over it!
The Technical Aspect:
I DID look, but I didn't really see any major grammar or mechanical errors that stuck out in your story.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
This really was a clever story. I can't wait to read more of your work.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
Keep your words flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
"Invalid Item"
This auction will support and reward several other fine groups as well as our own.
Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer
My pen is my sword,
and I use your work as a grindstone
in a noble attempt to sharpen us both.
Please remember
I’m only a simple knight
with nothing to offer
but my humble opinion.
Tina B
Hi Magoo!
I just read your poem “I Can Wrestle My Dad” that I found while browsing the “Reviews Requested” page.
First Impression:
What a happy childhood poem!
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I can just see an adorable little boy, sporting his little superhero cape, showing off his pebble of a muscle, and “wrestling” his dad. I can also see the joy on his little face when he's declared the victor. These kinds of memories are long gone for me. I don't remember what it must have been like to master a skill as a child and “beat” my parents, and how accomplished I felt. I thought your glimpse of this five-year-old is a great description of how that could feel.
This is just a suggestion I'll throw out as food for thought:
Have you considered rearranging the poem to state the fact that he's only five towards the end? It would make such a surprise twist.
The Technical Aspect:
There's still a lot I have to learn about poetry, but here are a few things I saw. Your rhyme pattern fit the lighthearted theme of your poem well, I thought. And your poem also passed my “it sounds good out loud” rule (great rhyme pattern, great meter). As far as mechanics goes, the two semicolons and three sentences in the first two stanzas through me a little.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
I am assuming you are not the five-year-old of this poem, so are the dad who was soundly defeated? If so, you should write a “losers" poem from your perspective.
This was a really great poem Magoo. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself. I hope my review helps you as a writer as much as it helped me.
Keep your ink well full and flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
"Invalid Item"
This auction will support and reward several fine groups including Knights of the Review Table.
Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer
My pen is my sword,
and I use your work as a grindstone
in a noble attempt to sharpen us both.
Please remember
I’m only a simple knight
with nothing to offer
but my humble opinion.
Tina B
Hi Sicilian Guy!
I just read your philosophical essay “An examination of time” that I found while browsing your portfolio.
First Impression:
My first thought is that there's no way I can ever do this, living in the moment. But your essay left me with the idea that I can.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I loved the idea of living in the here and now. As one who constantly worries and regrets, living in the present is my only salvation. So far, I'm not even close.
I have to admit I envy you your liberated mind. And though you challenged me to take off my watch for a day, I doubt I could ever do it. Especially when you consider the job, punctuality, paycheck, bosses, etc.
The Technical Aspect:
For this sentence might I suggest not not using time management so closely together?
"The young adult then leaves school prepared for a life of time management. Punctuality and time-management skills are now essential in finding work."
For this sentence I believe “have” should be “has.”
"I think that only a minority of the world havehas grasped this idea."
I believe the following sentence should be the beginning of a new paragraph.
"We spend the first five years"
Overall, your essay seem to flow very well.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
This is a very well written philosophical argument, Sicilian Guy. From your brief description, I'm assuming this is something you're turning in for a class. If so, good luck.
I would love to hear more about how you live in the here and now. God knows I can use all the help I can get. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself. I hope my review helps you as a writer as much as it helped me.
Keep your ink well full and flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
"Invalid Item"
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Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B Hi SWPoet!
I reviewed your poem “Dream.”
First Impression:
What a wonderful poem.
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title fits your poem very well. I will admit, though that I chose your work to see examples of different styles.
Side note: I’m incredibly impressed that you attempted so many forms of poetry.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
I loved how you physically formed your poem from smallest line to largest line. Starting small made your poem feel organized, like the basic paragraph they teach you in school, where you start with the very basic idea then expand on it and define it. I love how you did that.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I really loved the imagery of your dreams being a “jetstream.” I also really liked how you said our dreams were where we can practice regular living. But mostly, I felt longing when you talked about the “weightless memory” of our first home.
The Technical Aspect:
The only technical thing I noticed was that if you were trying for a perfect triangle shape the fourth line is off.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
I wish I were better educated on poetry to make worthwhile suggestions, but what I can tell you is that from a novice reader this poem was truly beautiful. I plan to read more of your poems (so I can learn from you), but for now I think I’m going to head to bed.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
Keep your words flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
"Invalid Item"
This auction will support and reward several other fine groups as well as our own.
Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer
My pen is my sword,
and I use your work as a grindstone
in a noble attempt to sharpen us both.
Please remember
I’m only a simple knight
with nothing to offer
but my humble opinion.
Tina B
Hi E. Berg!
I just read your story “Unusual Proposal” that I found while browsing today’s Writer’s Cramp entries.
First Impression:
I’d kill him! And he wouldn’t have far to go.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I really connected emotionally with Joan through out the whole story at going to identify her boyfriend. I’m glad you left her answer unclear. If she had said yes at that moment after what he did, I wouldn’t have believed your story.
The Technical Aspect:
I did not spend a lot of time editing your work. Grammar isn’t my strong suit, but I didn’t notice any major problems that distracted me from your story.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
This was an unusual proposal, though I can’t see it being an effective one for Danny. Well done. Good luck in the contest today. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself. I hope my review helps you as a writer as much as it helped me.
Keep your ink well full and flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
"Invalid Item"
This auction will support and reward several fine groups including Knights of the Review Table.
Join the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer
My pen is my sword,
and I use your work as a grindstone
in a noble attempt to sharpen us both.
Please remember
I’m only a simple knight
with nothing to offer
but my humble opinion.
Tina B
Hi J. B.!
I just read your story “The proposal” that I found while browsing today’s Writer’s Cramp entries.
First Impression:
This was hysterical.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I was working myself up for our guy, wondering what horrors awaited him. I had him dead and buried by the end of the story, and then to find out the “punch line” was dinner with his girl’s mother. That was a good twist. The imagery you used to describe his fear was very vivid.
The Technical Aspect:
I did not spend a lot of time editing your work. Grammar isn’t my strong suit, but I didn’t notice any major problems that distracted me from your story. As a suggestion, you could probably get more of a punch if you told it through dialogue.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
Good story, J. B. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself. I hope my review helps you as a writer as much as it helped me.
Keep your ink well full and flowing, Tina B
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The Disclaimer I dare to climb and take a peek
At your Idea Garden.
I leave opinions, thoughts and notes
You're welcome to discard it. Tina B
Hi Nicki!
I reviewed your poem “Greatest, Hands Down.”
First Impression:
Wonderful Poem!
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title and the brief description threw me a little. I was expecting to learn of all the great changes the author made and how (s)he changed from the brief description, but the title, Greatest, Hands Down, as mentioned in the second to last line made me think this was a patriotic piece.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
Your poem flowed well when I read it out loud. It was also was clearly organized, where the author went from a limited perspective, traveled the world, came back to his/her beloved country.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I connected to your poem by my own experience. I love visiting and living in other lands. I also know that doing so has enriched my life so much for the better. Your poem made me feel like I was so lucky to get the opportunities I did and to see what all I’ve seen.
The Technical Aspect:
I loved the form you used “Terza Rima.” From the description you noted, your poem followed the form well.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
You've certainly left me curious for more. I want to know all the wonderful places you've been and meet the people you've met.
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
Keep your words flowing, Tina B
Showering Acts of Joy Group is pleased to present its first annual
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This auction will support and reward several other fine groups as well as our own.
Join in on the fun when the bidding starts on April 1st!!!
The Disclaimer
My pen is my sword,
and I use your work as a grindstone
in a noble attempt to sharpen us both.
Please remember
I’m only a simple knight
with nothing to offer
but my humble opinion.
Tina B
Hi Curtis!
I just read your story “Soldier’s Hands” that I found while browsing the Newbies section.
First Impression:
I felt humbled reading your story.
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title fits your story well, and drew me to read it. The brief description is a bit awkward to me. Perhaps something simple like, “A soldier never forgets.”
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
I loved the progression from the hands changing as he became a soldier.
It may help the flow read a little easier for me if your story was not centered and if it was broken up into paragraphs.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
Though I am on my 18th year in the Navy, I have not experienced a lot of the horrors other soldiers, sailors and Marines have. This is a reminder of the life long price so many of our active pay will pay. Your story certainly twisted my heart.
The Technical Aspect:
I did not spend a lot of time editing your work. Grammar isn’t my strong suit, but I did notice this:
-The pronoun, he, is usually not capitalized unless it refers to God.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
I don’t know what it is about this story, perhaps the short sentences you chose, but have you considered trying poetry? It has a pretty good foundation for a strong emotional poem. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself. I hope my review helps you as a writer as much as it helped me.
The Disclaimer
I took a look at what you wrote,
And this is what I see.
If it doesn’t work for you,
Next round will be on me.
Tina B
Hi Bob!
I just read your flash fiction story “Revelations.”
First Impression:
Great story based on a Bible reference (I want to do more of this myself).
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title fits the story well. Even with out the scripture reference it would have been enough for me to know where you were going (or at least for someone familiar with the Bible).
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
The pace moved quickly from Robbie leaving his adult life and heading back to his childhood home.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I certainly walked away with a feeling of hopelessness. I also really felt for Robbie. It felt like the roles had switched for him. Dad was not the “head” of his family anymore so mom turned to Robbie for comfort, support and answers.
The Technical Aspect:
Sadly, grammar isn’t my strong suit as you should know by now, but I “barley” noticed any thing amiss.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
Great end times story. Scary stuff. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself. I hope my review helps you as a writer as much as it helped me.
The Disclaimer If my modest opinion's
No good to be used,
Just toss it out.
Feel free to be You. Tina B
Hi Sue!
I read your poem "My Love" when checking out the PORT RAID AUTHORS OF THE MONTH in the Angel Review Forum
First Impression:
This was a great example of a Ghazal.
The Title and The Brief Description:
The title, since it is the same as the refrain, certainly fits the poem very well. Your brief description drew me in because I wanted to see how a Ghazal was written. Yours gave me a great how-to for when I try.
The Pace, The Flow, and The Organization:
I had to look up how a Ghazal is supposed to be written, and yours seemed to follow that very well. You included the refrain in each stanza. Each stanza was a stand alone. The final stanza talks about the author in first/third person.
Very well done. I look forward to giving it a try myself.
The Emotion, The Imagery, and The Connection:
I love the refrain “my love.” The echo of that phrase throughout the poem seemed almost haunting, and added to the sadness of the poem (if that makes any sense).
The Technical Aspect:
I did not spend a lot of time editing your work. Grammar isn’t my strong suit, but I didn’t notice any major problems that distracted me from your poem.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
I don’t have any further suggestions. I really enjoyed this poem about the loss of love, and I was fascinated with the form. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
The Disclaimer
My pen is my sword,
and I use your work as a grindstone
in a noble attempt to sharpen us both.
Please remember
I’m only a simple knight
with nothing to offer
but my humble opinion.
Tina B
Hi audreyb!
I just read your poem “Backwards Poem” that I found while browsing the “Read a Newbie” section.
First Impression:
This is so creative!
What I Liked:
I loved the idea of writing a poem from the bottom up. I also liked that it reads well anyway, top to bottom, bottom to top.
That was a great topic you chose to illustrate your “Backwards Poem.” I’m not sure if this would have ended well if someone ended up with a broken heart or something like that.
The "Nitty Gritty" Details:
I didn’t notice any major grammar or mechanical errors. I do love the form and flow of this poem..
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
I actually visualized a diver as if the dive was recoreded and rewound. Great imagery. b Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
The Disclaimer
My pen is my sword,
and I use your work as a grindstone
in a noble attempt to sharpen us both.
Please remember
I’m only a simple knight
with nothing to offer
but my humble opinion.
Tina B
Hi Bob!
I just read your short story “Myth or Truth” that I found in this week’s Romance/Love Newsletter.
First Impression:
What a bittersweet story.
What I Liked:
I loved your details of Shirley Ann, in her blue skirt and matching blouse.
I also loved the setting of old drug store soda fountain. I always wished those were the norm for me. And yes, my friend, you may have “dated” yourself just a little.
Though I can’t use the word “like” I thought the last paragraph was the best where you tied losing a teenage romance to losing an era (tearing down the drug stores and other small businesses). Well done, Bob.
The "Nitty Gritty" Details:
I didn’t see any major grammar or mechanical errors in this story. It was also organized very well. Starting with the general “first love” thought, then telling your personal story, and, of course, the ending where you tied in the nostalgia.
Final Thoughts & Suggestions:
Congratulations on being in the spotlight this week! Well deserved. This was a great story. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself.
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Tina B
This review is for the “Showering Acts of Joy April Auction” 
