It must have been a horrifying experience to watch your brother go through this, and I hope you enjoyed your visit with him recently. I've gotten mocked by another person for giving this same advice, however, I feel I must give it again (I learned it in a writing course)- Some stronger and more descriptive words may draw the reader in more. You wrote a very powerful story about Kurt, but I think with some well chosen descriptive words it can really make the reader feel your pain as you witnessed this. Overall though I think you did a wonderful job. God bless :)
After my last review I decided to sneak around your profile :) I love this one too. You're very gifted and I hope you keep pursuing writing. If you wouldn't mind and you have the time would you be able to review one of mine? So far I haven't had any hits on either of them.
I can agree with a lot of what you have to say...but the Nazi flag is a bit much. It automatically throws me off and tempts me to give a low score. Nazis did soooo much worse than the United States. Every country has its greed and corruption. However, if they pass this implant thing they've been talking about I'll be right there with ya! All in all though it was very well written and the reader can really feel how passionate you are on this particular subject.
This is an odd one for me. I don't know if I love it or hate it lol I like how it's written, but maybe it's the characters I don't like...hm...
I don't understand what the first impression that he can't live up to is. I really like the line- "I could see the sunflower bent over the headstone,
reaching for the dirt."
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tback
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 12:52am on Nov 24, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
