You've got many spelling errors in here. Next time make a read-through to check for typos before posting.
1.went up close to havE a better look
2.filled up pages,pictures. like a book - you need a space after "pages," and I assume that period should be a comma.
3. flipped a few pages, DIDN'T recognize many faces
4.thEn a fAmiliar one caught my eye
5.had i really fogetten those pure eyes or thAt wonderous smile?
6.not a second, minute or hour have a been able to bear. - I assume that 'a' should be an 'I'
7.will he forgive me aftEr all this time?
8.ofcourse! i am his, and he is forever mine! - need a space between of and course
9.how could i've been so foolish and from him be free. - do not use the contraction here. Use "I have"
10.i searcHed far and wide for him but came back empty handed
11.he felt the same about me and wanted to loose no more time - Get rid of one of the o's in "loose". It's 'lose'
In my own life I feel that I am that man. I am only waiting for the woman I love to have the same realization as you did in this poem and come back to me. To know that it happens for some gives me hope.
I like this very much. Lets simply say I identify with it strongly right now. I would recommend the removal of the word "navigate" it'll tighten the rhythem of your last verse, which is the one that counts the most, given the reveal you make.
Your poem speaks to me of... the misery it can be to write. Is it not one of the most lonely experiences, to lie alone and stare at a blank page? Do you sometimes find yoursself, writing something that is full of passion that you know does not come from yourself? I often feel the same way. It is surely a strugling, floundering way to reach refinement. And it can be agony. I identify strongly with this poem. Please continue to write.
An absolutely excellent read. My only criticism is the lack of a snigle line's rhyme. You are flawless in your consistency with that one exception. Fix this and I could give you a 5. Well done. I would be grateful if you would look at my own portfolio. I think you could give me worthwhile advice.
I'm sure she'll love it. So no worries there if your only goal was to flatter her. However, if it really was just meant as an expression to her and her alone, why is it up here? you have to keep in mind that when you post up here you're writing to an audience. And if this poem was written with the sole audience of your girlfriend in mind, why would you let us read it? Unless you want to send this out to Hallmark or something so other people can use your words to express themselves, you should keep something personal like this to your self.
An interesting concept that makes the reader think. Which is great. But keep in mind that the best poetry will almost always hold structure. Put forth a little effort and make your poetry rhyme or at least flow and it will make the reading more pleasurable.
There isnt much to say. It's a feel good story, you know? it certainly doesnt bother anyone, and we all identify with a basic experience of losing, or almost losing, your pet. But at the same time, it doesn't really wow a reader, does it? I'm glad your dog was ok man, which is why it would be a good story to tell to a friend, but when you write something for an audience its different. The audience needs to walk away with something other than goodwill for the author.
"It the result of an encounter of two old schoolmates at a bookstore, glimmers of recognition, then stammered introductions with some local references to establish mutual bona fides." I dont know what you mean by establish mutual bona fides. You need a 'was' inserted at the beginning of the sentance and I think a semi-colon would do better than a comma after "bookstore".
"Whenever I have be in town, I make it a point to go there.” --> "Whenever I have *to* be in town, I make it a point to go there.”
"I let myself out and waited form the EMT’s" lose the extra m on your 'for'
In the next paragraph it should be 'their', not "there".
"Across the old campus, the quadrangles *were* surrounded by buildings I remembered, and some I did not, I passed by the history of the Oldest State University."
"Silent Sam, widely known for his fabled ability to identify virgins by firing its rifle, stands its vigil since construction early last century." decide whether you want to refer to the statue as 'he' or 'it' and stay consistent. at least within the same sentance anyways.
get more consistent with your tenses. One second its past tense, next its present. Choose one.
I wouldnt recommend the use of the world alas.
For a new writer, I wouldnt recommend writing in first person. especially when your character is someone (i assume) so diferent from yourself. (you dont murder people, do you?)
Your story was interesting, but.... it lacked the basic structure. or at least it was too rushed for it to feel like it did not lack the basic structure. What exactly was the conflict? if its supposed to be between Donald and Reg... well you didnt quite build the two's relationship very much. We only get a vague sense that Reg dissaproves of Donald's actions. Also... writing in the character of a murderer- especially one who believes he is justified- is a serious thing. Your character takes life... a little too casually. and your description of how he transitioned from a timid egghead to a cold killer is more dismissive in its answers to obvious questions than it is helpful.
get consistent with your rhyme scheme. not that every verse in every poem needs to rigidly follow its own scheme, but yourse changed with each stanza.
dont rhyme words with themselves: hang on... going on
you use the word years twice in the spanse of like five words. Thats too repetitive. just rewrite the lines so that the years is still the implied subject three words later.
Same thing with "feels,feels." keep in mind you're not supposed to write the way you talk. unless of course you're writing a dialogue or monologue. which is not the case here.
You sort of lose direction with the passsage. Its called its raining at PSC. and thats where you are half the time. But then the kid at school gets totally lost as you start going on about all the different seasons.
I like your simile with the feathers and the chalk and the rain. That whole bit. I like it conceptually. But the way you worded it was a little clunky. try to phrase that all smoother.
You shouldnt make reference to the fact that you're writing in your writing. Unless its a character writing a journal or something (like in Flowers for Algernon)
You should probably avoid speaking in the first person if you're just getting started as a writer. That doesnt mean you cant write about yourself, but you need to learn how to present characters, not how to present yourself.
This is how you spell shield.
Dont contradict yourself: "to sheild my head and limbs from its scorn. No. It was never scorn or rage."
You need an "e" on "shape" at the end.
Try not to be repetitive in your word choice. In the course of two sentences you said class/classes 4 times. thats a lot especially for word that has such a strong sound like class- it sticks out each time you read it, emphasizing the repetitiveness.
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