I love the idea that this poem is based upon. The only thing that I would do is add to it or make it a little longer, though the simplicity here is good too!
This poem certainly had a mysterious air to it with a passionate flair also. The only thing I would change, I'm not sure how you might change this but, you had the word "something" written a lot. Sometimes repetion is good for a poem, but in this case, I think it would be better without it.
This was very long, although I enjoyed the subject and the imagery. I thought this was funny: It took me a whole minute to scroll down the page! :)Anyway, I'd like to mention that I pretend to hate to be continued endings, but I really don't, so I loved yours!!!
I like how the beginning began. Ha ha: "the beginnning began" anyway, this... item was quite interesting and it kept my constant attention. i also like the ending.
"We dance round in a ring and suppose,
But the Secret sits in the middle and knows."
I absolutely love that this poem was short and didn't take too long to read. I also liked that you ended your poem with a question that might make some people think. I also like the imagery of this poem. I can totally agree with "My mind is in another place". Happens a lot to me. I really like this poem, and I'm oh so very happy that you shared this with me. It changed my life. :) ~Taylor~
I enjoyed this poem. Did you know in your last stanza "But no one KNOW I'M crying" I the last stanza I would change know to knows as you have in the first stanza. But in the 1st and last both i'ms aren't capitalized. :) Thanks for sharing!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 12:40am on Nov 11, 2024 via server WEBX2.