This is a really excellent piece. It is extremely emotional, and the metaphor that you chose is both surprising and also very appropriate. Bravo!
Suggestions for revision: I wouldn't change much! Actually, the only error I noticed would be that in line 16 "can not" should be "cannot". Other than that, it's completely lovely. Very nicely done.
Great poem, Amelie! (ooh, and I love the name Amelie!). I really like the expression in this work; there is so much raw emotion, and even though poetry is supposed to evoke an emotion in the reader, not every poet succeeds. Bravo.
I have no real suggestions for revision, other than I felt that the structure of the stanzas was a bit awkward and inconsistent sometimes. However, in a poem like this one, a feeling of awkwardness could be a good thing...?
Wow...this is a very emotional work. It's extremely moving, and one of the things that I really admire about it is that it is so committed to this feeling of hopelessness; it doesn't let up, even for a moment. I like poetry that causes me to feel a little uncomfortable sometimes!
Revisions: nothing as far as content goes. However, your rhyme scheme is very inconsistent, and I don't know if that matters to you or not, but I tend to think that rhyming poems are more effective when they follow some sort of pattern.
I loved this poem! It made me laugh, and I can always use a good laugh. The fact that it is an ode to a caffeinated beverage makes it all the more comical.
As far as revision, I did not see a lot of changes needed. I think that this piece has acheived the goal of poetry: to succinctly (in as few words as possible) describe a situation, emotion, or an object (whilst being aurally pleasing!)
Bravissimo! I would love to see more like this one!
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