This is a really excellent piece. It is extremely emotional, and the metaphor that you chose is both surprising and also very appropriate. Bravo!
Suggestions for revision: I wouldn't change much! Actually, the only error I noticed would be that in line 16 "can not" should be "cannot". Other than that, it's completely lovely. Very nicely done.
Great poem, Amelie! (ooh, and I love the name Amelie!). I really like the expression in this work; there is so much raw emotion, and even though poetry is supposed to evoke an emotion in the reader, not every poet succeeds. Bravo.
I have no real suggestions for revision, other than I felt that the structure of the stanzas was a bit awkward and inconsistent sometimes. However, in a poem like this one, a feeling of awkwardness could be a good thing...?
Wow...this is a very emotional work. It's extremely moving, and one of the things that I really admire about it is that it is so committed to this feeling of hopelessness; it doesn't let up, even for a moment. I like poetry that causes me to feel a little uncomfortable sometimes!
Revisions: nothing as far as content goes. However, your rhyme scheme is very inconsistent, and I don't know if that matters to you or not, but I tend to think that rhyming poems are more effective when they follow some sort of pattern.
I loved this poem! It made me laugh, and I can always use a good laugh. The fact that it is an ode to a caffeinated beverage makes it all the more comical.
As far as revision, I did not see a lot of changes needed. I think that this piece has acheived the goal of poetry: to succinctly (in as few words as possible) describe a situation, emotion, or an object (whilst being aurally pleasing!)
Bravissimo! I would love to see more like this one!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tamedshrew
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 3:40pm on Nov 10, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
