I... have no words. You succeeded! To me, that's the most incredible thing. I think there are few authors who undertake a challenge like this. And even fewer still ultimately make it work.
This work is an absolute mess in the best way possible. Your creativity and word choice really add an unorthodox and talented flavor to this poem. While it's impressive you pulled it off, I'm even more amazed at the end result. It's just weird, unique, and wonderful. Good job.
You wrote a very interesting story both thematically and philosophically. You blurred the line between story and reality so well I can no longer tell the difference. In this way, it's as if the reader went through the machine with Joe. The state of his wife and son? Unclear, with a number of possibilities.
This work strongly advocates for accepting reality, though it is not always pleasant. I think as a theme this is hard to overdo and I am glad you rehash the lesson here. Joe was a great foil for that. That being said, the story does have a few tweaks that may be good to make. The main one is that some words clearly bleed into others or are repeated. I cannot identify every place this happens. Other than that, this is a solid story I really enjoyed reading.
This work managed to be inspirational and believable. I like that you include not leaning into vices to get through hard times. Returning to what was difficult and trying again is one of the surest forms of persistence. I appreciate that detail. While I can only wonder at what event lead you to write this, I enjoyed the work and hope that whatever happened is in the past.
This limerick reads quickly and interestingly. I like the twist of the fly being trapped and then finished off. I did not expect it and had to read that again. The title says it all. Every element here, from the title to the pace of the rhyme, fits perfectly. Well done.
I really enjoyed this flash fiction. It did everything it was supposed to and none of what it wasn't. One of the most effective things you did was begin in media res. The jarring transition to the main character centered the action beautifully. There are a few grammar trip ups that can make a few things jarring. For example, "gasped his fate". These sorts of details can make ruin the immersion a bit. Regardless, this is solid work and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
I really enjoyed reading this. It's hard to provide too concrete of feedback, given this piece's brevity. So instead, I'm going to give you things to put on a brag sheet for it. First and foremost, I like the mention of the concept of failure and of death.
These are necessary and important things to think about and the same can be said for problems. I call tell based on your writing that you have wrestled with these concepts. One thing that I would suggest, which has helped me, is reading Marcus Aurelius's "Meditations". The way he writes things down and puts them helped me think about a lot of these concepts. It is a bit intense though.
While seemingly simple, what you have written is powerful in its implications despite its brevity. There is a lot to think about here. I find it useful to frame every problem as an opportunity to test my thinking. How are my reactions changing the situation? Life is more full of opportunities than problems, a potentially helpful reframing. Over all, well done. I'm eager to see what you do next on this site.
This is purely a review. As such, take what is helpful and ignore anything else I have to say.
I liked a lot of things about this story. For one, it thrives on ambiguity. Not just plot wise, but grammatically. The word choice is interesting and unusual and leaves the reader guessing. She met He. She leaves with He. This is an applicable plot tried over and over and yet you do something new by embracing the ambiguity of it.
Now for the part I found interesting. Whether or not this was deliberate I don't know. But sometimes your word choice like "cantankerous" at the beginning threw me for a loop and kept me on my toes. By doing this, you keep the reader invested in the plot. You get them to pay attention by use of language they will not forget. Well done and I can't wait to read more from you!
I need to admit I really enjoyed this story. I have no real criticisms to make here.
I think from the outset you handle the setting very realistically. The inside of the house is described beautifully and the plot it set in motion from the outset. You manage all of that very well. I think my favorite part, however, was the twist at the end. The attempt to take Sean's life force (if I understand correctly) failed. That's funny.
Anyway, well done here. You produced a short narrative that I couldn't put down. I really appreciate it.
Please note that anything I write here is just my opinion. As such, I hope you take any criticisms in the spirit they're meant and adjust your writing as you see fit. I am not you and can only give you my likes and dislikes.
That out of the way, you wrote a work that I think really matters. I did not read any political ideas here and assume there aren't any. That being said, you delve into an interesting and controversial topic: Veterans and how to remember them correctly.
There isn't a right answer and this topic is wrought with arguments. I appreciate your main points. These statues of our soldiers don't just represent war and conflicts. Some important points you made: They are a symbol of sacrifice, honor, and acknowledgement. By appreciating these heroes and learning from the past, maybe these sometimes senseless conflicts won't happen anymore. In this, you wish for a better world.
I want to remain silent on the tearing down of statues. I'm wholly uneducated on the subject and have nothing to contribute. I admire your willingness to engage in a controversial debate on remembering our heroes and their sacrifices.
But I agree with the idea of honoring our men and women. Soldiers go where no one else wants to do perform a frankly thankless task. And if only we sometimes remember that, maybe we won't so quickly jump into conflict with each other. The past matters and we ignore it at our own risk. Well done here.
Any opinions I give are my opinions. Please ignore what doesn't help you.
I really do appreciate the myriad of symbols here. There are many ways to interpret this. I can only give you my own. I see this as about time making people drift apart. Maybe like siblings, who promise to keep in touch but fail to. Maybe a parent, waiting for a phone call or a visit from their kids, never getting one. Then they feel lonely and used.
I may be misinterpreting it. Either way, well done. You captured a feeling often not touched on. Abandonment, loneliness, and hopelessness. While not ideal, this poem conveys something we all may feel sometimes. So well done there.
There are a few minor mechanical errors, but it doesn't take from the message. (using "an once-crowded hall", "Sat in a benches"). I make these mistakes too. Always check that over or read it out loud, to hear the story. Other than that, well done. This was a great read.
Please know I am not a qualified author or anything. I can only give you my opinions. So please, keep what helps you and ignore the rest.
This work did a number of things very well, in my mind. Firstly, you made the reader question themselves. That may be easy to do with a subject like this, but you challenge them by presenting two schools of thought: Life either has an inherent value or it doesn't. And it's up to you to decide.
Presenting the arguments for each side really can make a reader think, and I know I did. Anything that causes someone to think, feel, or reflect, is a good piece of work, in my opinion.
I have very little to criticize here. You probably don't need to justify this work with whisky. People write things that are equally introspective, sometimes horrible, and don't defend themselves. Presenting the two schools of thought gives you an air of impartiality, which defends you well enough.
Please know I'm not a qualified author. I am reviewing based off of my opinion. Take what helps you, and ignore the rest.
There was a lot that I really liked here. Your imagery made the situation easy to picture. I felt myself in your character's shoes. Anytime you can accomplish that, you've done a great job.
Furthermore, the style is ambiguous and complicated. Nothing is outright revealed, which lends an air of mystery to your work. This leaves a lot open to interpretation, which is good or bad depending on who you ask. Either way, you have built a very intriguing backstory that makes the reader want to know more.
The most impressive part is how much you manage to do in such few words. Each paragraph, more is going on or is revealed, which makes this great.
I hope you read what I've written, keep what's helpful, and get rid of the rest. I am not a poet or an editor, and as such, lack certain critical qualifications here.
The way you want the reader to approach this poem creates a natural flow. It was easy to read and conjured very specific imagery. Well done there! The image at the top of the page is very well chosen, too. You have clearly put a lot of thought into this poem, and it shows.
The imagery and way you approached the prompt create a morbid, yet incredibly satirical situation that was executed beautifully. In terms of "fragrance of your hair", this is dead on. If I was an editor, this would be going into the publication.
My last, very minor criticism is telling readers to use Iambic Tetrameter. Some people may come to the reading not knowing how that works. However, the poem's flow probably mitigates that issue well enough. Overall, well done!
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