\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/talera
Review Requests: OFF
333 Public Reviews Given
333 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 ... Next
1
1
Review of The Human  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
An interesting piece which is definitely in the right category given the nature of the events. I would suggest rewriting the brief description of the piece, as that way it doesn’t make your reader think ‘monster’. While they may be a villain, it could just be the food chain event of things, or they could be beastly, let the reader decide.

Most of the errors in the piece come down to two issues. The first is that even after using a spell checker, if the ‘wrong’ word is still a word in its own right, the software will not pick up on it. This is where proof reading comes in handy. For example, “where perched” should be ‘were’, “sent engulf” should be ‘scent’ (this error occurs more than once) and “stomp there” should be ‘stump’. It also allows you to see where a word is missing, for example, “was all but naked in lone” should have an a in there.

The second type of error seems to occur fairly often when people first start out. I recommend reviewing the rules in using apostrophes and contracted words, especially how to use its/it’s. Throughout the piece, you use “It’s”, for example, “It’s dark hair” when it should be ‘its’.

The rest of my suggestions are merely that, not errors but simply tips given to me for my writing previously which I have found helpful.

The first is consistency. In the piece you swap between it and then he. If the villain is able to recognise the creature is male, use ‘he’ from the start. Also, you use human and then Human, another area which would benefit from consistency.

When trying to describe things, don’t flower things to the point of being unnecessary. For example, “and a group of rocks in which had no purpose” doesn’t need the ‘in’. While it is not necessarily an error, it also overcomplicates the sentence.

Try to avoid using the same word in a short word span as it can lead to feelings of repetition for your reader. For example, “head. He was moving things in a certain arrangement that I could not understand in my head”

Other than that, well done!


WDC POWER REVIEWERS
2
2
Review of The Skirt  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well written and a superb use of description. I don’t know much about your main character and yet the thoughts she is conveying make me feel as if I know her well. I would have liked more indication on the era that this took place in, mainly so I could know if it was the town only that was conservative or if the decade also contributed to such things. You also mention Nancy is from the North so perhaps knowing how long she has been there would also be of benefit to the piece.


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
3
3
Review of The Crayon Box  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I presume that the brevity of this piece was due to contest restrictions. I have to admit I like the approach of making your reader the villain in many respects, though this is detracted by using ‘boy’ when the reader could be female.

While I really want to know how the mother interacts with the ‘villain’ I understand this isn’t possible in such as short piece. Still, your use of description provides a depth which is difficult in short word limits.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
4
4
Review of Tattoo Artist  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really did like this piece. I can see not only what broke him and he appears normal, but also why that population and why he chose to enter that profession for his goals. While we don’t know much about the current Don, we know his background and it brings the character to life in the way you have described it and his behaviour.

Only typo I found was “{iKevin” which happens when coding in the italics on occasion.

Other than that, well done!

{center}WDC POWER REVIEWERS{/center}
5
5
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting piece that leaves multiple interpretations for your reader. The flow of the style of language used suits the story, leaving a dream like soulful quality in its pacing.

The only real suggestion I have is that a few spots words were used more than once in a short span and made me feel the story was a bit repetitive. For example, air in “air is warm and clings to my skin, anxiety hangs in the air”, sun in “sun is descending, but stop on the horizon where the sun”, time in “time could be gone in a single breath my feet couldn’t move forward, but now as time”, soil in “soil beneath me. I shut my eyes tight to prevent tears from spilling out, not wanting it, the soil least of all to see me weak. The soil”, eyes in “eyes overflow with water. My eyes” and grass in “grass did not move when my fingers danced upon the tops of it, the grass”.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
6
6
Review of Final Assignment  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
One of my favourite time manipulation concepts is the subtle change causing domino effects. I do like how you describe the first one and I guess we will never know how the second one unfolds.

A couple of suggestions. The first is you use “light pen” and then “pen light”. My recommendation is to remain consistent.

Second, I think you mean ‘misstating’ instead of mussitating, but I could be wrong. I also think instead of procacity you may want to use precocity.


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
7
7
Review of The Lunch Date  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
It’s stories like these which remind me I did the right thing when I became a mother. The ‘father’ wanted nothing to do with the pregnancy as then he would have to admit being unfaithful to his partner. People asked why I didn’t pursue things and make him have a role once the child was born, I simply told people I did not want my child being treated as an obligation and one parent who was supportive was better than a sometimes second who crushed self-worth.

Throughout my working life I have seen so many people who were treated poorly by parents and yet still cannot let go of the hope that the relationship will improve. Sometimes it does when the parent has a life changing event, but often it leads to poor self-esteem on an otherwise fantastic person. You story is incredibly well written and brings to the forefront that even though the character knows how wonderful she is, she cannot help striving for the one thing denied to her which she has encircled into her self-identity. To be honest, with this story, I wouldn’t change a thing.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
8
8
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
To me this story reads both just in its current form but also has the potential to be longer given we don’t know the specifics of the investigation. Your use of description is good, but at times I had to re-read certain parts to make sure I had actually understood it due to the winding nature of the pace.

Be careful using the same word in a short span, for example, “As if feeding one rat to another rat” which would still make sense if the second rat was dropped.

Also, just a small error in “These rats would eat eachother without hesitation” which needs a space after ‘each’.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
9
9
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The main thing I like about this is that his body had one adventure which he was not present to, but now he was to experience the aftermath adventure. I also appreciate that the term adventure is subjective with regards to enjoyment and events, this story emphasising it isn’t always positive and to be careful what you wish for.

My only suggestion is to be careful using the same word in a short span, for example, “moon into wavy shards. As he watched the watery moon replica slowly recuperate”



Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
10
10
Review of Dandelions  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
An interesting piece written from the perspective of someone who had to face the actuality that he is destined to either be alone, or to disappear somehow to the unknown. While stories often deal with the fear of mortality, this case brings the ever present knowledge it is coming any time, even though they don’t really know what is coming.

I must say, I especially liked the small detail of him eating wheat and then the wheat from the chaff references. I appreciate these small links in stories.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
11
11
Review of Obsidian  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
While the monsters in this story felt a bit stereotypical, it did not impact on my enjoyment of the piece. This is because you did such a good job in how you told it from the character’s perspective. We do not know the age or appearance of the main character, yet you manage to put his actions and speech in such a way that I can place my own image and still picture the events vividly, as well as feel like I know him.

While I am all for making speech personal to the character, even if it causes grammatical or tense errors, I would suggest changing “That filth is no proper place for a soldier” to ‘this’.

Only mistake I saw was “If I waited for Heaven to save by butt” which should be ‘my butt’.



Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
12
12
Review of Graveyard Shift  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really liked this piece. The way you covered the ‘villain’ for me meant that even though my brain knew he was a villain, I had so much sympathy for him that even though I knew about the massacre I really was saying to myself ‘yes it’s awful but really was it his fault?’.

My only suggestions for technical aspects are ’(and of course, the white coat and stethoscope that she wore more frequently than the uncomfortable shoes on the floor beneath her desk,)’ has a comma after desk which isn’t required.

Make sure you use a spell check. I’m not sure how things are spelt where you reside, but where I like “Hematology” should be Haematology and “pediatric” should be paediatric.

Lastly, I’m not sure if “conspirational” is actually a word. Normally in descriptions like this I would see conspiratorial instead.


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
13
13
Review of Dreamcatcher  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Until I read the description for this piece I have to admit I had never really given thought to the concept of them becoming ‘full’. Part of me is now tempted to go and read up on the mythology surrounding the items to see whether it gives consideration to that concept as well.

The piece itself, though brief, is well written. I would suggest giving consideration to a little more character development (despite the required brevity due to the contest). This can be done in a small amount of words, mentioning whether he bought it would help indicate if he is an adult, a child would say goodnight to parents and so on.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
14
14
Review of Creeping Crud  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like the concept of the villain who has very simple drives; though I think they are best suited to shorter pieces like this one given there is little character development for their part. Only three suggestions.

Firstly, in the story you switch writing from Mike’s perspective and Bobby’s. Try to stay consistent.

“House fire,” he asked, when he could speak. This needs a question mark since he is asking a question.

“Quiet as a butterflies’ wings” should be butterfly’s.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
15
15
Review of Times of Trial  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
While I understand the intent behind this piece and find it well constructed, I would have liked to read more as I’m focussing more on the interactions between the pair and their potential relationship development. Although the piece in its current form still feels ‘complete’ I feel there is room to move if you ever wanted to extend it beyond where it is now. I’m unsure what the actual conflict you would use could be, but I believe the story before me would be a good introduction.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
16
16
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This reads like it could be the beginning of a longer piece, but is also fine in the short version before me. It reads like the old detective stories in many respects, but with modern language.

My main pointer is to proof read and not just rely on spell checking software. I’m about to list some errors for you that would have been picked up with proof reading but missed by spell checking. “A thunders storm” should be thunder, “saw you full in” should be pull, “question.”Do” should have a space, “{indent"}All” speaks for itself, “Jeffries mind” should be Jeffries’ and “warty was” should be party.

Only other suggestion is to make sure you don’t repeat the same words in a short span as it can lead to feelings of repetition, for example, “This portion of highway was often untraveled as motorists preferred the new highway.”


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
17
17
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Amusing piece. I remember my one and only attempt at sneaking out which also resulted in a large failure to try and get back in. While the outcome was different in this story, it took me back to my own experience and provided a lovely light hearted flashback.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
18
18
Review of I See You  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like this piece. I really like that we don’t know why the reflection is like that or why only in that mirror. In many pieces questions like this being unanswered irks me, but for some reason it suits things here.
You have a good use of description and it is simple as the piece requires, I don’t think over romanticised adverbs would work with this story.
Only technicality I can see is “You know what, boss? You need to take the day off? Or a few days.” doesn't sit right with me having the second question mark given she is telling Kathi and not asking.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
19
19
Review of The Invitation  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I did like this piece. All of us at some point have wanted to take revenge on people who treat us poorly, but usually we don’t think up something so murderous. I felt the piece was well written in this perspective and believe it works better as the flashback than if it was written all in current tense.

I would have liked to know more about your main character. I believe they are a female, but age and so forth would have been nice as it would indicate to me, as a reader, more details on others likely to be in attendance.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
20
20
Review of Trophy Hunter  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
While I knew what would be happening with the female victim, I think you carried this piece incredibly well to its execution. I think it is just as long as it needs to be and the character depth is also well done. Your use of description is superb and I could picture everything very clearly.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
21
21
Review of Blue M&M  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really liked this one. While you did not focus on building tension, the notion it is happening to children who are innocent is a concept in and of itself which promotes tension and horror for the readers. Use of description was well suited to the piece and allowed for me to picture things quite well in my mind.

Only technicality was in “I don’t’ wike the bwue ones,” which has an extra apostrophe as a typo after don’t.


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
22
22
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Very well done I must say. Whenever I had a question about something, such as how long it had been since the ‘event’ you would answer it. Due to this I have no questions left which, for a reader like me, is rare. While yes there are details missing, I’m finding that I don’t want to ask the questions due to the quality of the rest of the piece.

My only suggestion is to read up on the use of apostrophes, especially for contracted words. The main one which appears periodically throughout the piece is confusing when to use its/it’s. Some places where this has occurred are “into it’s depths” and “its probably been”. Other words where the wrong version has been used is “you’re birthday” instead of ‘your’ and “killers grasp” which should have “killer’s”.



Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
23
23
Review of Quicksand  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found this an interesting piece, more because we don’t know and can only surmise how the creatures came to being, but also because we are unsure of the exact intent of the creatures until the end. I also liked that you covered what happened when they feasted given their skeletal nature. The attention to small details like this really increased the depth of the piece.

A few suggestions/technicalities, some of which you are free to ignore given the subjective nature.

“There would be a killing for shore.” I understand in this part you are talking like Amos, but I still would have used ‘sure’ instead of ‘shore’.

The era in which the piece is set is confusing. While you have trucks and items like that indicating a more modern setting, but then sentences like obtaining a potion from the doctor indicates a much older timeframe.

Be careful with repeating words too often. For example, “‘water’ wasn’t water at all. It was too thick, too soupy. It didn’t flow. It oozed. It wasn’t water at all.” Felt repetitive using the word water so frequently. But also, the consistent use of the work truck in the ‘chase’ scene also felt repetitive. Try substituting it with vehicle or other similar words occasionally rather than changing the actual sentence as the sentences are well written.

Double check the rules for use of its/it’s and to/too. For example, “Its one of the most” should be it’s, “Its all over” should be it’s and “seconds pass all to quickly” should be too.

Too much on quicksand distracting from Amos/Wanda

“When no sound nor motion came from the cabin” should be either ‘neither sound nor motion’ or ‘no sound or motion’.

“What if she had gone outside again.” Should have a question mark.

“He might could climb a tree,” doesn’t make sense in its current form.

I have still given this piece a high rating because I thoroughly enjoyed it and feel most of the issues are technical or typographical errors. Your description and attention to detail is a major strength in this piece.


Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
24
24
Review of Demons Ago  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I liked this piece a lot. The way you initially describe the creature really reminded me of the older writers like HP Lovecraft and Poe. While we know it is a ‘modern’ age this is taking place in, it could be the present or when my parents were children and while I normally prefer more certainty on such things, I believe that the fact it isn’t pinned down in this case is allowing more flexibility for your reader to implant it into the time in which they choose.

Only two typos: “till it soaked the moist ground .” has a space before the full stop and “But, things were changing in more ways than he imagined” doesn’t have a full stop at the end.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
25
25
Review of Abiku  Open in new Window.
Review by Talera Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very interesting story. I presume that the character’s accident occurred prior to his waking given the declaration of the hooded people stating ‘spirit’. However, if it was that they caused his death you may want to make this clearer.

Two things I can recommend, one is to review use of hyphens. In some places the spacing differs and also in others you use a hyphen where a comma would suffice.

Secondly, review the rules on using ‘numbers’ in your writing. Often using the numerals, unless a specifically numbered thing like ‘3 Smith Street’ is frowned on where the numeral is less than 10. However, that may simply be a rule used where I reside and not in your country. If it is a rule there as well, both your ‘5’s should be ‘five’.

Other than that, well done!

WDC POWER REVIEWERS
127 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 6 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/talera