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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tajabo
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by tajabo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I enjoyed reading and hope you find this feedback useful.
Inside the mind of a criminal, dare we go there? :)
It was a good plot.
I really liked the style and voice. The best part for me was that I could see that a criminal could be very intelligent and even very creative, even poetic and still be mad. I liked the words. Inside the crowds of different minds, each person felt the collision of art and catastrophe, very poetic style of prose imo
good scene, he's in jail, bars, the scene is in his head, and what a view! haha
Characters: good, it's hard to describe characters in a journal format, I didn't feel a lack, green eyes, pale face, 27
I don't believe there was any dialogue.
I did notice some errors but I thought it was good because it is a criminal's journal, not a writer's journal.
One suggestion I would make, the last page? October 5, is it a page in the journal? afterwards? It wasn't totally clear to me
and also, it might be neat to slip in how we find the pages, like a paragraph at the beginning, an intro, somebody finds it and begins reading it. Really clarifying that it is a journal that we are reading for us people that don't read titles. haha Just some thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!
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Review of The Stone Monarch  Open in new Window.
Review by tajabo Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello! I enjoyed reading and I hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall, some really great parts, some nice descriptions!
Plot was good. What's gonna happen to Edie and Audrey?
Style was fairly good, the only problem I really had was with the first paragraph, is it a little overworked? I seemed to struggle through it. Maybe shorten the sentences? Perhaps let the readers imagine more, possibly over-described, we can assume the quarry is abandoned.
other than that,
The scenery was good, nice, great scenery.
Why was it the first trip on her own? maybe just a tad more info on the characters so we can identify easier which one is talking later. Don't want to make the reader go back and try to figure things out. And it will be a lot more upsetting too when we lose the one! :)
Dialog was great!
Seemed to flow nicely, no jarring errors
funny ending, i guess the moral is, listen to your cousin haha
Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!
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