Ahh, this is so cute. I love the imagery expressed as well as the story told. The personification of the puppy/dog is wonderful and the transition from the dog's perspective to the boy's is relatively seamless. The story itself leaves me wondering where the dog was before this occurred. Had the dog run from home? Was it a stray? In addition, I'm curious as to how the boy came to use crutches. Was it an accident? Is it a permanent disability? Has he always been this way? Therefore, thanks for sharing this brilliantly composed poem. I pray that you continue writing, and that you have a wonderful rest of your day.
Impression: I liked this poem a lot. Its beginning: "And, alas, we reach/ this state of adulthood/a delusion if not else/of freedom", that really hits home with me as I have really just begun the journey into being an almost fully fledged adult. I say almost fully because I cannot reach the pinnacle of adulthood until I have surpassed the milestone of twenty-one years of age. Even then, I shall probably still consider myself a child.
Improvement: The only real improvement I could see being made necessary would be to work on some punctuation stuff (like with alas... and I think I saw a misplaced quotation mark ( second to last line). As you said in the description, it is a rough draft so there will probably be improvements made.
Quietly falling
Touching your cheek, a whisper
Thinly veiled tears
I always did like haikus, ever since I was introduced to them that is. This follows the format well. I didn't notice an grammar mistakes, then again there's not much grammar mistakes you can find in haikus. Keep writing.
When all hope is lost
And you are in great dismay
Just let go of them
Remember you are
Never, ever alone so
Do not give up hope
The poem started out almost as if it would rhyme but then it progressed into a sort of story. I almost like you were talking about yourself for a second but how it grew to an old man I kind of figured it wasn't. A good job and good luck to you, mate.
A well-written piece except for a few "stop" spots where the rhythm seemed a bit off. "Thoughts rose loud" is a "stop" spot in that it slows the reader down after coming off a rhythmic line. I would suggest revising it so it flows better with the rest of the poem (not sure how though). No spelling or grammar mistakes were found in this poem. I enjoyed the poem.
A lovely, descriptive poem this was. I myself have only realized my love of poetry not so long ago. While I've been writing for what seems like forever, my love of reading others' pieces has awakened only about a year or so ago. It is refreshing to read such poetry as this. Its free style and tone is music to the ears. Thank you for sharing this poem with me and I hope that you can continue to write lovely poetry or whatever else you desire to write.
A good read and a nice poem. It must describe a nightmare you've had or imagined one could have. Or you were sorely afraid of something and it came back to you later. Or you read a horror story or saw a horror film. Who knows? Poetry is just meant to describe feelings and let to reader interpret the item how they choose.
I'd like to draw your attention to line 3 "I find myself so trapped, so a lone." I think it was supposed to read "I find myself so trapped, so alone." "As the darkness continues to grow the more afraid I find myself." probably should be written "As the darkness continues to grow, the more afraid I find myself." Of course, you may also want to use synonyms for several of the words so that you don't appear to be repeating yourself. You may also want to change the title of your poem to "Afraid" as that is the title of the poem you rote.
Such a sweet poem to write. Lovely and simple. If any women read it, they would think it such a sweet thing to write to them. It might win them over when nothing else did. This is to say, even older pieces have their charm. I love it!
This poem is full of truth. I bet almost everyone who uses this site as done just that, ignored the homeless man because we assumed he was a drunk trying to get money to buy his next beer. I think this would be a great addition to that book of poems and I like the Christian themes you included it. I myself am a Christian so I esp. wish to share this message. Anyways, great job and keep writing.
This is a very interesting piece. However, I would suggest that you space the lines out a bit so that your readers can distinguish where one paragraph ends and the next begins. Other than that, I think that it is good and thank you for suggesting that I read it.
That was pretty good(and sad at the same time). The dad totally seemed jerky and he wanted his son to do more than the son could take. I think that plenty of people(not just sons) could relate because the parent wanted them to do more than they could take. The last line, which says that the son failed basically reflects the demands that the father forced on him. I would suggest that you use some quotations so that the reader will be able to see the flow of the poem better.
This poem seems to tell a sad story about to people who used to be a couple but they lost that unity somewhere along the line. Thank you for sharing this poem. Like someone once told me, poetry is a way to express thoughts when there is no other way to express them. Keep writing and remember that there is always hope at the end of the line.
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