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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tadsqueamish
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6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Stay  Open in new Window.
Review by Tad Squeamish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Overall a good poem. Well done!
I like the way that you actually adhered to one rhyme scheme throughout the whole thing, nicely done. A lot of times people will write a poem and just throw in rhyming words wherever they want.

I also like how in the last line you change "stay right here, do not disappear" to "come back here, do not disappear"... But it might be a bit more poignant if you said something like "come back here, but you disappear." showing that she does in fact go. I think that would also give more of a sense of finality to the poem as well.

But that's just my suggestion. Well done!
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Review of Strength  Open in new Window.
Review by Tad Squeamish Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very moving poem. I can tell there is a lot of sentiment behind it. Well done!

One thing I would change is in the second line: "its going to cave in on me"
I think that should be "it's" a contraction of it is.

Another thing is that the tense seems to change in the last part of the poem.
Most of it is written in present tense but then when you say "I looked upon Jesus..." It switches to past tense. I would keep it consistent.

Good job! Keep it up!


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