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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/swellmichelle
Review Requests: OFF
6 Public Reviews Given
6 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will provide an understandable, to-the-point review that is honest but encouraging, and will provide any needed clarification without any extra cost. I tend to crack down a little on introductions and character presentations. The purpose of all of my reviews is not to "fix" your writing necessarily, but to help you make it better until it's exactly what you - as the author - want it to be.
I'm good at...
Giving advice on how to improve the voice and flow of your story. For example, eliminating repetition, using descriptive words, and bringing out a little more life.
Favorite Genres
Action-Adventure, Mystery, Drama, Inspirational, Teen Fiction
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Sci-Fi, Dystopian
Favorite Item Types
Novels (chapters), short stories, prose
Least Favorite Item Types
poetry, lyrics
I will not review...
I will not review anything with strong/frequent language, sensuality, or an LGBTQ+ theme.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Hold it in  Open in new Window.
Review by Michelle Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Random Review

You're poem is simply beautiful, moving, and emotional. I only suggest that you use capitalization and eliminate a few run-on sentences (although I'm not sure if those are used ironically in reference to the bit about run-on sentences in your poem?).

What I Liked: I really love the phrase you used, "embracing thunder," and, "stuck in the corner of my smile."


Wonderful work!

~ Michelle
2
2
Review of Silent Tears  Open in new Window.
Review by Michelle Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! I'm here in regards to the review that you requested. Because this is a request and not just a fly-by review, I'm going to crack down a little more. Please don't think this is because your story has a lot of errors, because it certainly isn't. I'm simply going over some things I normally wouldn't, because I want this review to be as helpful as possible for you. :)

OVERALL VIEW:

The basis of your short story and the character arcs you created were lovely. I've loved the theme of self-redemption and the way you played it out. Your main character was fairly easy to interpret. Well done!


TO WORK ON:

1. Paragraphing is very important! You must begin a new paragraph when...
--- a new person speaks (dialogue)
--- a new topic is introduced
--- when the focus changes

This will make your story a lot easier for readers to comprehend! In novels and most physical works the paragraph would be set off only by an indention, but writing.com doesn't allow these for some reason, so you'll probably have to double space each paragraph.

2. There were a few misplaced commas and run-on sentences that need to be fixed to avoid confusion.


(The above are a little more mandatory, but the things I mention below are simply ways I'm suggesting to help you improve.)

I feel like you could have used a little more vivid and exact nouns, adjectives, and verbs to really bring out the powerful message in your story. That, and I feel like the story was a little bit rushed. Don't be afraid to make your short story a little less short if it means a better result! When it comes to this, I could have really used a more present and in-depth scene for Ariana's death, and a deep, heart-to-heart discussion between Mackenzie and Jake. Show the struggle of the entire family in little ways, because Mackenzie isn't the only one who has lost a loved one.

As for making your writing as vivid as you can, I can't really give you a set way to fix anything, because there's nothing to fix, only upgrade, if you know what I mean. I would highly suggest the following:

Whenever you finish writing a paragraph, give it a quick read-over. (This especially helps if you read it aloud!) If it sounds awkward on your tongue in any way, it probably sounds awkward in the readers head.

Fiddle! Rewrite, try new words, try new phrases, basically tweak and play around piece by piece with your work until it's exactly what you want it to be. It will slow down the writing process a little, but the end result will be so worth it. After all, writing isn't about speed, but quality.

----

Great work! You obviously have a passion and a knack for writing, and I can tell you're going places. I hope this review was helpful. If there's anything you'd like me to clarify, don't be afraid to shoot me a response. I don't ask for any payment for that, as it's all part of the review. Keep writing! *FlowerR*
3
3
Review by Michelle Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, fellow author! Before I get on to the review, let me just say, great work!

OVERALL VIEW:

This story (or part of the story) has a very nice flow and the dialogue has no awkwardness to it at all. You described the actions well. Well done!


TO WORK ON:

I really feel like this story needs more of an introduction. I don't know what the characters look like, what their surroundings are and how those surroundings make them feel. It seems like you jumped into the action and dialogue without setting the scene. One thing I always say is: Don't be afraid to give your story a proper introduction! I struggle with this as well. Sometimes you feel the introduction is boring and is moving too slow, and you want to cut to the chase, but trust me. It'll help your story so much if you take a few extra paragraphs to really set the scene. Another tip is, appeal to all the senses! What does your character feel, smell, sense, see, and hear?

Besides that, there were just a few grammatical errors and misused/unclear words/phrases, but those can easily be fixed with a good proofread.


Don't let any of this discourage you. You clearly have a gift for writing, and I'm curious to see where this story goes! Remember, practice makes perfect. *Heart*



4
4
Review of Toressa  Open in new Window.
Review by Michelle Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow... if this was a song, I'd definitely listen to it! I love how you used personification to give everything a calm, romantic sensation, especially with the phrase "the gentle rain plays out your name". It was original and had and amazing flow and voice. Well done, and keep writing!
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