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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sweetp7680
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7 Public Reviews Given
8 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Asphalt Land  Open in new Window.
Review by B. Olson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Keep writing! The more that you write, the more you will find that your words and thoughts are flowing coherently. There were a few spots in the story that were just a little difficult to understand what was trying to be said.

One recommendation, have someone read through your writings. This will help to catch any grammatical errors and problems with punctuation.

Keep plugging away at that keyboard! As they say, practice makes perfect.
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Review of Dollar Bill  Open in new Window.
Review by B. Olson Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think that you have something that could lead into a really interesting story line. I like the idea of the internet website and the password. I think that you head in the direction of a disgruntled employee, or even someone that Ray knows. They have been watching him, day after day, and know that he always stops in Starbucks for his morning coffee. However, they have also been keeping track of everyone else. Who the regulars were, who used cash, who used debit cards, etc. In this way, the person could place themselves in the line ahead of Ray in such a way that they knew that no one else would have gotten that dollar bill except Ray. I hope that this helps. Keep up the story; I hope that I get the chance to read more later.
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