Some example questions you may ask yourself about the piece to help you get your opinion across are as follows:
How did the writing make you feel? Did it invoke any emotions?
When reading Chapter 1, I was moved along the story with words like "bowing down, snatched out, shook her head, ran down the stairs, and climbed out with a big smile."
Can you relate to the writing through a personal experience?
I related Henley's rebellion to my teen years, as she used improper English "...me and Sarah are going to the mall." knowing it would strike a chord with her Father, the English teacher. Although my parents were not teachers, my Mother was quick to correct all of her children's improper English.
Did the plot interest you? Were the characters believable? Did the dialog flow naturally?
The story moved along with believable characters. Knowing a few teenage girls, I can picture any one of them getting mad at a friend for stealing a girlfriend's boyfriend and then siding with other friends against the girlfriend.
Did the time, place and other setting characteristics work together?
The time and place put me in the mindset of my first day of school as a senior. Was I wearing the right clothes? Just as Henley thought, inspecting her hair for the right style and wearing the right outfit, everything had to be right on the first day of school; it was important to a girl...
What did you like most? What did you like least? Did anything stand out?
Because Henley was busy thinking about Racey, she was not paying attention to what she was doing, so she took a fall down the stairs, which could have ruined her first day of school and more had she broke something or worse. What was the author attempting with this change of focus? Henley and her Father were getting ready for school as any ordinary morning. And this little accident was anything but ordinary for this family.
Is there anything you would change within the writing?
I wouldn't change anything. I actually learned a lot about this family from reading Chapter 1. The family lost a dear family member (wife/mother) to cancer when Henley, an only child, was just getting into the formative age. Henley's father, a single parent, earned his living as an English teacher while raising a daughter. Henley has a car, drives to school, meets her friends, but she has one fewer friend this year.. The one thing that seems out of place is the length of the second paragraph and I believe that is because there is a lot going on in this paragraph. Maybe consider breaking it up in logical places? Chunking text makes reading easier for the reader if read on the screen (or the web).
Paragraph 2 has a lot for the reader to remember: Henley falling down the stairs, her emotions/reaction; her father's attention and response to her fall; her urge to cry but hold it instead, talking about after school plans, going to the mall, then thinking about her father getting on her nerves after he corrected her; and learning about her father's occupation and how long he had been teaching and adding "that's why teacher mode was so hard to shut down." Then before she leaves, she kisses her father goodbye, smiles and walks out the door. That's a lot of stuff going on! I can see at least two places to break the writing, making three paragraphs, and maybe even four paragraphs would be alright. Just a suggestion.
Was the writing memorable? Why or why not?
Since I can identify with the story, it would be memorable to me. My husband died of cancer when our son, an only child, was 18, and in his first year of college. He had a car, friends who he picked up and drove them with him to campus. He was interested in his attire, friends and his girlfriend. I worked as a technical writer and supported my son without any aid.
If this were your own writing, what would you want to know from a reviewer?
That this writing is believable. That the writing sufficiently depicts the story, such that these characters could really exist and have similar situations.
Thank you for sharing your story! I enjoyed reading it and the opportunity to review it. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "