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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/summerskies
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38 Public Reviews Given
95 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love it! I love the rhyme, the rhythm, and the content. This poem has a bouncy feel, like one of Mother Goose's nursery rhymes. Wonderful work, what more can I say? I will definitely be checking back into your portfolio looking for new work!
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Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like this. Your words convey your devotion to God extremely well, that being said I do have a few comments and suggestions.

What I liked
"Be as radiant as the sun,
Like the angelic armies above the sky."
I loved this, it's very descriptive!

What I disliked
My love towards you is like a gazelle.
It may just be me but this comparison doesn't make sense to me. I think I would change gazelle, but as I said...just my opinion.

Grammar
Spelling and punctuation are good, the only suggestion I have is the word "I" and all of it's derivatives should be capitalized.

Good work, keep on writing!
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Review of Paladin's Oath  Open in new Window.
Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
For someone who is not a fan of this kind of poem you sure did an excellent job! I really enjoyed reading this. The words touched me, your punctuation and grammar seem to be spot on, and you held my interest. Again, very good!
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Review of I am a Willow  Open in new Window.
Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wonderful writing!

WHAT I LIKED
I liked the whole poem overall, but especially liked :
" No matter how many times
You chop me down
I
Will
Survive.
For I am a willow
For ever I weep
Forever I dance
Forever I sing"

WHAT I DISLIKED
"I’ve lost branches and branches" this line just didn't seem to flow with the rest in my opinion. Maybe "I've lost many branches"? (Just a suggestion of course)

In the line For ever I weep For ever should be one word. As it is correct throughout the rest of the poem I know it was a finger glitch ( I have lots of those! LOL) I just thought I would point it out.

Thanks for sharing and keep up the good work! I really enjoyed reading this.
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Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this! Very cute and thought provoking....although I will NOT be introducing this radical idea to my husband and son as I do not like that cold dip in the middle of the night when one of them has left the seat up! Wonderful writing, keep it up
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Review of Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good rythm and flow, you have painted a picture in the readers mind. Loved it!
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Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
Really I think you have an amazing beginning to what could be a great piece of prose, You might want to think about expanding on it some....as is it's a little abrupt. Not really enough there to really capture the readers imagination. As I said though it is an awesome start to something I think you could go far with. Keep up the writing, and if you do decide to go further with this piece let me know I would love to review it again!
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Review of SCARED  Open in new Window.
Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I love this!
Very original writing
Good flow
No grammatical errors
Wonderful work! Keep it up!
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Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good! Lots of feeling
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Review of Beauty  Open in new Window.
Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like your thoughts, and that's very true...real beauty comes from within. Good writing, keep it up!
I commented on a few things below...mostly just typos, I'm good at finding those unless they're my own!


defind defined


knowlaged knowledgeable

noone no one

kanda kinda or kind of

even the way she moves her appearance here I would rearrange these....."her appearance, or even the way she moves" just reads a little easier...and of course is just my opinion
11
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Review of The mountain  Open in new Window.
Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is good, plenty of description and feeling, I liked it. I made a few suggestions....just my humble opinion lol. Great work keep writing!






I feel strong or am i really strong.... you might think about changing this line, the flow is kind of off.....maybe just "I feel strong, am I really strong" not a major change ...it's up to you

he thought i cant move no where... If it were me I would drop nowhere from this, or else change it to anywhere....but it really doesn't need either

make be wanna burst... change be to me.....(typos...the bane of our existence lol)

One other thing, I would capitalize the word " I " throughout. You may have meant to leave them small...some people do. If that's the case write on! Just a pet peeve of mine. (It's the English teacher coming out in me lol)
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Review of Dragon  Open in new Window.
Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)


In the following line did you mean touches or torches? I wasn't sure if it was a typo

With a fork and touches firm in their hands



Very good. I enjoyed reading this! keep writing
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Review of WISH  Open in new Window.
Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wonderful! This really touched me with its honesty. Good writing
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Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Really good work, I am on to the next chapters to see what happens next! I really think you have a good story going. I found a couple of typos...we all have those lol, but thought I would point them out. We know what we are saying so never see them for ourselves. Keep on writing..this is great!



I raced out (of) the class room so fast;

I slowing walked down (slowly)

I could tell Kyle was bursting to ask. ( maybe add to this ex: bursting to ask me something)

was life o other planets. (on)
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Review of Umbra  Open in new Window.
Review by summer Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like this, it's very dark and deep.
The only suggestions I have are kind of petty ones


And it grew and tore through me, ....Drop and from this line, it will read a little smoother

And she kissed my cheek-

And she took my hand-

And she whispered to me:.....drop and from all three of these lines, same thing it will read smoother and they are really unnecessary.


VERY GOOD!
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