well I am impressed with the intense romantic feelings that yoou have given vent to in thsi poem. the last lines present a different idea that crazy love has turned into hatred. well I do appreciate it as it is a realistic thought. it happens many times in life. Any way my advice is to work on vocabulary a little. Otherwise your style of writing is very good.
write on!
Regards
SB Butt
Hi! Your poem leaves a powerful impact. I like your ideas of optimism and your passion for spirituality throughout the poem.The thought development of your poem is good as every line leaves its impression successfully.The poem gives the message of hope and strength.Your word choice is fine but still you can add more new and meaningful words.I recommend you to add more meaningful imagery to make it a powerful "impressionistic" poem.As far as the sound-effect is concerned, there is a room for improvement. You can add more sounds espacially sounds which relate to the meanings of the words. Overall a very attempt just needs a little tweaking. So,I choose 4.5 stars but I hope you will get 5stars very soon. Best of luck!
Regards
S.B.Butt
Hello there. The way you have presented the warmth of the passionate love is commendable. Your poem enables us to understand the depths of the sea of love and idea of the death of 'flower' is marvellous. Twilight is generally associated with romanticism in literature but you are right in your perception that if someone's object of love passes away, he finds everything painful and miserable.Then I like the use of interrogation in the poem.Espacially I love the last stanza.
But still there is a room for improvement. You should look for new words and phrases that can help in strengthening your expression.Secondly, the musical effect of your verse is not appealing.You should try to make use of audio-visual imagery in your verse.
Regards
S.B. Butt
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/summbalbutt
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 4:29am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
