Short but eerily sweet.
Imagine that happening. You wake up next to your partner who hasn't been sleeping well lately, relieved that they are groggy with sleep. Suddenly THAT happens.
One mistake I spotted was:
“Yes, nightmares. No.” Sarah responded slowly, a slight smile developing.
“All you alright?” Josh wondered.
It may just be sleepy talk, though. Confused me for a moment.
Thanks for letting me read, I seen you posted it in screams so gave it a go.
Really enjoyed it.
A review written because you put in the hard work to create and share your writing.
Initial reaction:
I'm left shuddering here and I need more. I want to know the characters in this story. Who are they? What happened to them? Most importantly, what comes next?
I know this was a contest entry, but come on, you can't leave me hanging like that.
Negatives/Mistakes:I don't review grammar and spelling, but I'll point out anything obvious I see. It's only personal opinion and means no harm
Nothing to see here. The only problem is that I want more!
Story Comments/Feelings:
I was drawn into this story straight away and wanted to know where things were headed.
For a short story, you built characters that we root for and fear really well. In fact, as I said above, you created them so well I would love to know more.
A fantastic short story which I really enjoyed. It is horrific!
A review written because you put in the hard work to create and share your writing.
Initial reaction:
How did you do that? I could've written paragraphs and not set a scene so well. Not a wasted word, not a distraction. Absolutely spot on piece of writing.
Negatives/Mistakes:I don't review grammar and spelling, but I'll point out anything obvious I see. It's only personal opinion and means no harm
Nothing to see here.
Story Comments/Feelings:
He sat staring at his soup whilst he ate. I could tell this was a bad man and you put it across without any doubt.
Thanks for letting me read this, it was a lesson to me. Reading how much detail you crammed into a piece in under 200 words, I should have a look at this as a reminder of how to do it more often.
I've never read this before and decided to pop into your port at random.
I was expecting blood, guts and gore.
You got me.
This is a lovely piece of writing. Almost poetic.
It's using a reality from history that makes it hit home.
Horror doesn't have to be ghosts and imaginary monsters. There is horror right there. Real. In history and in the present, it exists.
This moved me and I appreciate you letting me read it.
I would've used a review template for this, but I wanted to comment straight out after reading. It was that good.
Never noticed this side of your writing to be honest.
A review written because you put in the hard work to create and share your writing.
Initial reaction:
The writing here was almost poetic. I really enjoyed the listening to the woman's voice describing her life.
It honestly felt like the opening to much larger story.
The ending leaves a lot of things open to the imagination and depending where your mind takes you, has a rather gruesome touch.
Negatives/Mistakes:I don't review grammar and spelling, but I'll point out anything obvious I see. It's only personal opinion and means no harm
is an enticing lure but gets lost I in the light of reality.
There is another mistake I noticed like the one above.
Story Comments/Feelings:
This story has so much to give. The poetic voice of the main character's narration is riveting. I could listen to her tell her stories for so long.
I liked this a lot and although I know it has a limited word count,it feels like it needs more. The wonderful character you created needs more space to grow and speak.
I would love it if you expanded this in the future.
Thanks for sharing this lovely (well, nasty) piece.
I can't really give a full review on poetry. I'm not familiar with the rules and regulations. I don't know much about prose and structure.
I do know I like this, though. Sometimes, a little piece of poetry is refreshing. When it's delightfully dark, it's fantastic.
Thanks for letting me read this piece and I'm sorry for not being able to give a full review.
What I Liked:
This was a horrible story. A nasty, wicked piece of work. I like the scenery and the colours and I like the dancing in the ballroom. So much information, all crammed into a good short story.
Story Comments/Feelings:
Nasty, wicked, horrible, good old fashioned horror. I liked it.
Negatives/Mistakes:I don't review grammar and spelling, but I'll point out anything obvious I see. It's only personal opinion and means no harm
I know this was a slice entry so I understand how you wrote it quickly. There are a few typing errors in there, but they did not deplete from the story and, as it was a slice entry, you didn't have time to really scan for anything. Nothing wrong here, but with a bit of polish, this could be a beautiful little piece of short horror.
I really enjoyed this story. Thank you for the pleasure.
Keep Writing!
Stuck.
------------Stuckintime2001------------
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. A daily competition to write a horror story in under 1000 words.
A brilliant piece of daily slice writing. An excellent short story that crams in so much detail.
The storyline is excellent and I had no idea where it was heading. The 'voice' is excellent and doesn't stray from the tone it sets in the first place.
As a daily slice entry, one that is written in under 24 hours, it is brilliant and it also has the potential for the characters to be used in other situations in the future. What WILL happen to them?
My crystal ball is being quiet, I guess I have to wait until you decide to tell.
Thanks for the pleasure of reading your work again. As always, it was a pleasure.
I don't usually read much poetry, but as this was entered in the daily slice, I had to have a look at the scare.
It was well written, the Hocus pocus, Puddin' and pie is quite catchy. That will stick with me now whenever I hear it.
The second verse of the piece kind of threw me, it doesn't quite have the same rhythm and could be slightly changed to make it fit in with the rest of the poem.
It was entertaining, and I enjoyed reading this dark little entry.
This story just gave me flashbacks to a classy 1950's b-movie.
Giant insects on the rampage, military intervention. A small town Sheriff and faces being sucked off. What more could one ask of a story such as this? Good writing, that is the answer.
There is a lot of good writing contained here and even a good piece of character development with the sheriff. All that in under 1000 words, that's an achievement!
What can I say apart from thank-you for sharing this story and allowing me to have the pleasure of reading.
Been a long time since I've read any of your work... boy was it worth the wait.
First of all, let me compliment the development of your style. You were always good to read, but now you seem to have developed a voice which is truly yours, really emphasized all the good points of your writing.
You drew me into this story right from the beginning. I lived it, felt it and most of all, I believed it. It was almost hypnotic to read.
The story itself is so basic, yet so good. Who would have thought somebody who was reliving such good memories could be doing something so terrible at the same time?
In just 400 words you have conjured up one of the most disturbing things I have ever read. That's a good thing by the way.
I had no idea what to expect here and what you hit me with so quickly and sharply is horrific. Something that will probably stay in my mind forever. I would love to be able to come up with some kind of advice to improve this, but I cant. It was so in my face, it was brilliant. I would love to read anything longer of this type of story you have... I will have to go through your port if you don't mind.
I think that, if you write a longer piece, you could spend more time luring the reader into a false sense of security, a lot of nicey nicey, before absolutely terrifying us.
Brilliant, and thank you for the time you spent writing this. Keep them coming!
This is a brilliant story. You have so much crammed into a short space.
I would love to read an expanded version of this tale, what happens afterwards? What happened before hand? The characters being contacted about the death of their aunt... and so on. Thing is, it doesn't need it all. It just works the way it is.
The story itself is fantastic. Jewellery, death, murder, possession... you got it all in here.
This was a definate worthy winner of the slice, a thoroughly enjoyable story from start to finish.
What are you trying to do to me? Scare me to death?
That was a brilliant piece of writing and the storyline was terrifying.
The little details you got into this short piece were something excellent. The emotion of the main character... the childishness of laura... the fear of the nuns... you captured it all.
You said you haven't been able to write for a while... this little story was definately worth the wait.
I loved it mate, and I can't think of a single way to improve upon it.
Had to have a dip into your portfolio after reading your posts on the forum.
Initial reaction:
Cold. This story is ice cold. No remorse, nothing. This made it an extra scary story, horrific in fact.
Negatives/Mistakes:I don't review grammar and spelling, but I'll point out anything obvious I see. It's only personal opinion and means no harm
Nothing that I noticed.
Story Comments/Feelings:
This story started off making me think I was going to see something with a lot of emotion attached. What came, and after the start seemed incredibly cold, was the absolute lack of emotion. The way you wrote the bag-boy brought him across brilliantly in his lack of anything resembling emotion or feeling. Brilliant.
This line says it all: Gasping, Sasha looked up into his pale blue eyes and saw—nothing: no personality, no character, no flicker of steady life breathing behind the consciousness.
I also liked the way you brought across Sasha and her feelings, not only about how she felt her husband had changed, but also the worry about the wrong things at the crucial moment. For a short piece, you made her such a full character.
Really enjoyed this short story. I see it is an old one, definately a good one.
Not sure if this is supernatural, but it still has that creepiness factor to it. Right outside the tent, so close to a killer. Could it have been a haunting in the area with the event re-happening, or… which I think is a lot scarier… was there another victim right outside the tent that they missed.
A good story… not definitely supernatural, but good non-the-less.
This was a good story that left me with a shudder. The revelation was a surprise to me and the flashback to the photo… brilliant, brought it together excellently. I loved this story, a great read.
Initial reaction:
This was a good story. I love the idea of the face in the tree coming to life. The stories just seem right as something kids would make up about the kind of guy that he was.
Negatives:I don’t review grammar and spelling, but I’ll point out anything obvious I see. It's only personal opinion and means no harm
Quite a few mistakes in here, you could give it a re-read and smooth a few things out. The judging isn’t influenced by this though, it is on the story and prompt usage alone. I will re-read this again if you ever decide to re-write it or work on it.
Prompt: A story about an axe or a hatchet.
Storyline and Prompt Usage: The axe was used in this story and played an important role in the development of the story. The story itself was a nasty little piece that made for a fun but creepy read. Very enjoyable stuff.
Thank you for entering the Daily Slice contest.
------------Stuckintime2001------------
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