Bravo!
I decided to read this first since it had no reviews.
After reading it my thoughts are why not ?
It's good, It's complete in every way.
Doesn't matter, I enjoyed it and I think you should really Write On.
Thanks.
Bravo!!!!
I would have rated you a five if it wasn't for this little thing everyone says about that there is always room for improvement, LOL.
It is good.
Keep it up, you have the bones. Lastly,Keep On Writing.
Why bother? Very tedious to read but I did manage to finish it. Your storyline did not work that well. Was it meant to be a young person story or adult? Read some other stories to get a better idea of what I mean. I am not trying to be real critical but.....
Not to Bad. Thank You for some intriguing thoughts to get the old and feeble mind moving.( It is True,the rate of cells that die in the brain is greatly multiplied when you get to 50.)LOL
Work it and,as always, KEEP ON WRITING.
PS... The odd gift is just because I do not like seeing a bump at the end of my gift points.:)KOW!
I had a little problem with the flow of this. First embittered then a resolve to enjoy life and all it's little perks AND sucking the marrow of life from your bones at the same time.
Do not get me wrong,I liked the piece and it's little insights of men,but what of women?
They by virtue of their sex are the TRUE evaluators of that life you describe.
They are the emotional,overwrought,scarred souls that,like a vulture come slamming down onto your table, suck the life and spirit of all and then just like always, "Who's ready for Bingo". Suddenly every drooped head jerks up and starts to track the movement of the person who called out. Please write more on this it is a great insight that you have. Blessed Be and as always WRITE ON.
I like it but it seems to bland. I would love to see or feel some real emotion come out in your choice of words. You do a very good job with it but to me it is just that...a job. Please understand that I AM NOT criticizing it. I was just looking for more emotion...it left me wanting.As Always WRITE ON!
Very Good! I would have loved it even better if I did not have this annoying habit of editing things. I noticed a small amount of spelling errors. E.G.: ask should be asked and bare should be bear. This DOES NOT reflect on the story. It is a very good tale in the Native American genre. Keep up the good work and as always WRITE ON!
What great detail! This is good and yet it left me wanting. Not in the way of more to read,but just a feeling of well,wanting.
I do not know what is missing, I reread it twice to try and figure WHAT?
Do not take this in the wrong way because what I am trying to find, whatever is lacking, not there, missing,...Is not a bad thing it is a GOOD thing, It sings to me and yet I do not recognize the song. I could eat it and my mind would be saying what is missing from this meal? All in All a very good short read.
I Enjoyed it and as always Write On and Blessed Be.
Remember that to a true vampire the blood of a human SINGS out in almost a scream to the true masters.
The Masters have always been with us, even when Gaia was but one land mass and humans were all, well honestly, stupid and without the powers to reason or think.
But the early peoples did have a simple form of telepathy, that allowed them to flee when a true Master was coming into the night. But then also the first Masters taught all us other masters very well.
We never drink more than we need and we NEVER have SEX unless we are in the Awakening cycle of our lives.
These are just a few lines that may help you to flesh out your story.Also give Amelia a life,she needs Nils almost as much as Nils needs our blood to live.
Women are very strong personalities,give that to Amelia.
Good start and Blessed Be. WRITE ON!
Fiction or not, this one is a little pensive. All our Christian lifes and within quite a few other religions we are told about the knock. And YOU did not open.
So what now? Are your opportunities lost? When you pray ask for the God to give an explanation. It may not come in very clearly( as in the twins returning)but the answer will come.
I,too, have stories to tell (especially when I was in a Pentacostal Church :)). I won't dwell on them now but...
Ask me to and I will. Good and thought provoking.
Bravo! Very Well Written! It is soo good to see that someone else "get's it". Please write more,I will be watching for more. I hope you won't keep me waiting too long :). As always, Blessed Be and Write On!
This was a little hard to read. Although simple( story wise) it left me in an awkward way. There were some spelling errors,(although few, they do take away from the timbre of the reading)and the rythmn of the story was just a little off making it difficult to follow.... Note that you are fast becoming a favorite for me to read. WRITE ON!!
WOW!! What a GREAT beginning!! Totally absorbed me and made me wondering what was going to happen next. This is a topic written about ALOT, but you left me wanting more. Congrats on a very good story. WRITE ON!!
PS.... The odd amount of points is cuz I had an odd amount laying around, LOL...
This one reads like a song. It would be very easy to put it to music. I had a little musical fun with it when I read it the second time. Good Job and as always WRITE ON!
Very well thought out and wonderful to read. With all our "problems" at the "other" border it is refreshing to read something positive about Lady Liberty and what she stands for. More, More, More, Please?
Good first impression of what the roads are like in 3rd world economies. The only decent roads to be found were put in place with foreign investment or a military presence. I'd rather have the military,at least they pay their bills. The last few comments are right on the dot.Just think of how we could avoid all new wars....we could just buy up all the land and call it US.There could be amusement park rides and a carnival anywhere and everywhere. Well it will never happen but remember,we even had idiots buying pieces of the moon at one time.Remember also that in the early 70's a group by the name of Black Oak Arkansas(Southern Rock meets Steely Dan) that as a marketing tool gave away 1 square inch of land in Arkansas(Black Oak natch)NOW those little certificates that came with the albumn are worth way more than the groups music or albumns. Love those snaps and crackles though.Thanks for the auto reward,someday I too will be able to afford to do that.
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