The title of this poem, "Semantic Satiation", was the attraction for me. I enjoyed the symbolism of the wheel of the mouse as we click on content staring blankly at the computer screen. I enjoyed the idea of the wheel spinning, the saturation of repetition and the deafened calloused ears. The act of listening has taken a back seat in todays society. Another might read these words and come away with an entirely different interpretation. Both might be different than what the author really intended. That is the beauty that lies in the sharing of written thought.
The rhyme scheme linked the phrases together well. The flow of thoughts was good, but could be improved with a little tweaking to make the syllables per line more evenly distributed. This was a well written poem that deserves more critique from those with gramatical experience in poetry. I enjoyed the read and encourage you to share more with us. Write on........steve
This is a good beginning to set the stage for a serial killer, psychological thriller story. There are a number of grammarical errors with quotation marks usage. Clarity may be improved with using specific names and a brief character description of people speaking. ie...was told by one of his co-workers and one of the white lab coat covered doctors.
Also, use of commas, periods etc. in regards to quotation marks follow specific guidelines. ie..."I never knew he was possessed. I say possessed, because he was normal in all aspects of his everyday life. I mean, thirty years and there were absolutely no signs of fatigue, or family discontent,"{/red} then specify the speaker in this dialogue. Periods also go inside the quotation marks at the end of a spoken sentence, outside the quotation marks in the middle of a sentence.ie... Jim said, "I never knew he was possessed." There are several reliable sources available to help clarify dialogue specifics. They are tedious.
There are also a couple of spelling errors/ typos in this story:
was told by one of his co-workes, who co-workers.
the remember him as they remember
The word "possessed" is used twice in a dialogue exchange. You wished to emphasize or make this word stand out by using 'possessed'.
I would have chosen to use italics because the word is already part of a quote. Using the "Writing ML Help" tab on the drop down menu from "Site Tools" in the upper left portion of every page on this site will assist you with that, as well as adding color to your text. You simply put a specific sequense of keyboard symbols in front of, and after each word or phrase you want in italics, bold or color. It also indents and centers text. Check it out. It will help.
I hope I have been some help. That was my only intent. I feel this story has potential and solid ideas. It needs quite a bit of work to make it correct. More than what I have stated here. I noticed that its last revision was actually last March, eight months ago. Perhaps interest has faded, hopefully not lost. Thank you for sharing and please keep writing. sincerely...steve.
This is an interesting quiz. The questions are fairly well worded with somewhat realistic situations. I did not always find the exact response of what I would personally do in a given situation, but most of them had nearly every angle covered. Morals and norms are facinating accents to our character and I love to compare them in light of age group classification, as well as gender differences. So, age and gender would be the only thing I would have liked to see added into the format. Great quiz...thanks for sharing
I agree with the Anonymous Reviewer from the last minute of 7/31/06(11:59p.m.) That opinion of placing political blame is so true. It remains to be seen if writing that opinion "anonymously" was wise. I have to wonder if your poll results for the three your port contains, supports or reputes your political agenda.
This poll question is far too simple to obtain the opinion of writers on their views on this subject. I think that during Nixon's downfall, he would have received the most votes. Clinton, during his investigation days, may have received the most votes here. You might be assembling a series of poll questions to make a specific point, but the written question here could be much better.
Hi Boowriter. I agree with your opinion and love your rhyme and reason format. I have been searching for writing items here dealing with the Terri Schriavo
story/atrocity. Live and let die doesn't work for me either and this whole porous case just rubs me raw...eats at my morals. I hoped many writers here would address this issue. Perhaps I am not looking in the correct place or it is just a bit too controversial. Thank you for writing this poem. I wrote a story about my opinion on this story as a static item on the afternoon of the 23rd following yet another failed judge decision. It is titled "Good-bye Terri" item # 74 on Auto Rewarded Item List (newest item first)category. I gave my opinion without holding back my gut thoughts. I always do. Tell me what you think and if you have read any other items about Terri here. Thanks for sharing and listening.....steve.
Growing up milestones is a fascinating subject. My mother grew up in a small town in Southern Missouri. I
remember visiting my Grandparents there and they had a well. No, a cistern with a regular bucket. I was 12 and was able to draw the water, but Grandpa carried it to the house. I guess I was almost a "big boy". I
was a city boy and I was very amused by the outhouse in their yard. I remember being bothered about them not having a television and they gathered in the living room around the radio.
Later that evening my Grandpa played a fiddle and Grandma joined in with spoons. We did not need a television. I remember the beauty of thousands of stars filling the night sky and the magnificent peace
in the quiet summer night. The next morning I learned how to milk a cow. Does that count for coming of age
milestone? That situation was hidden in my memory and took place nearly forty years ago. Thank you for awakening that memory for me. I enjoyed reading your story. It is very descriptive and well written. Thank you for sharing...Steve
Hi. I always enjoy a romance/ growing up story. Your idea and story line are solid but could benefit from developing your characters a little more. Perhaps more about Scott's breaking up with his girlfriend, more about specific sports he plays, and explain how the athletic GPA requirement benefits you. I am confused about you being his German teacher. Do you mean tudor? The story seems to describe you more as a student than a teacher. If a teacher, then develop the natural culture controversy in these characters.
I like many of your descriptive phrases that enabled me to picture the scene. There are many grammer and punctuation errors as well as missing words and typos.
Paragraph divisions are missing. Reading this story out loud would naturally show you some errors. Near the beginning, there should be a comma between bright and (blue-green)eyes.
3rd line: "We knew each other before this before because" The 2nd "before" should be removed.
4th line: "sophmore and junior years Scott got really"
A comma between years and Scott would help this sentence.
6th line: "most popular bot" typo...boy
9th line: "his lack cracking books"...lack "of".
14th line: "I least I had moved up the world"... "At" least I had moved up "in" the world.
Near the last paragraph: "Even we did happen to pass"...Even "when" we did happen to pass.
I wanted to keep reading when it ended.You have a flare for romance and this story has good potential, but needs some work. Don't give up on this story. You could send it many different directions with some attention. Thank you for sharing...Steve
This is a beautifully written acrostic poem that magically conveys the spirit and warmth of Christmas that I hope becomes contageous. Your rhythm and line length remained consistant throughout the entire work.
The rhyme scheme is very well done, but has some minor
mathematical displacement.
Suggestions (from one who seldom writes poetry but loves to read it): I would change two small things. In the first "S" line..."keep alive magic," I would be inclined to switch to read, keep magic alive,.
The second "S", "sing praises in exultation". I would change that to, sing praise in exultation. That will eliminate one syllable to match the line above it with 15, and the line character length would match also, without disturbing the meaning.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this very well written Christmas passage. Thank you for sharing.
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