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Review of Good Mourning  Open in new Window.
Review by Stoshman Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Kotaro,

First off, domo go-shinetsu ni for your congrats and comments for "Trailer".(That's about the extent of my Japanese, recalled from a girl I dated from Osaka many years ago, lol).
Nice piece here, Kot, always enjoy your stuff. I've always wanted to visit Japan but can never seem to squeeze a trip in.
I especially like your use of imagery. One thing I would be careful of though is overusing the adverbs, the dreaded "lys". I'm guilty of this in my own work and have to be especially vigilant. You're great with description, let your writing speak without the weak adverbs. Example would be "She quickly and noisily eats her breakfast and picks up her lunch,".
How bout something like "She grabbed her lunch and rushed out the door, crumbs trailing behind from the toast she had swallowed in two massive bites". or something to that effect. It's the old "show, don't tell" rule. I believe you have a great deal of talent, don't cover it up!!
Nice work and keep writing.

Thanks again,
Stosh
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