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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stormcloud
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569 Public Reviews Given
995 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
All I knew was nothing said "high self-worth" to a teenager like being told you were the descendant of an amoeba, which was almost all we'd heard up until that point.

The underlined portion, was for me, unclear. Could you define for me? *Blush* I just realized what you are saying here and I think it needs some customized punctuation, *Bigsmile* like I've suggested.

I'm suggesting that if I'm confused by wording someone else might be also. We wish for readers who will understand our words. Yes? Natch! *Smile*

most likey from ignorance that they're even happening.

Should be "likely"

After several experiences like that, I began thinking at night just before falling asleep--Why are some people so afraid of God that they want to strip recognition of Him completely out of our culture? I'd only been to church maybe 20 times before the age of 18, but the idea that there was a loving God who sent Jesus to save us--despite all our screw ups--made more sense to me than the secularized alternatives that some people seem to want forced on my generation.

This paragraph speaks V O L U M E S and it's wonderful to read from a younger generation. Thanks!

Enjoyed reading this one from a younger perspective, thank God we still have hope!

Storm
2
2
Rated: E | (5.0)
Mr. Pace -

How truly wonderful, I loved this!

Your meter is natural and rhymes are as well.

Nothing was banged into place with a hammer, it floated. *Smile* Cannot pick a favorite stanza as all are equally excellent.

Going to check out more of your port.

Storm
3
3
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Kenz -

Nice package with all the verses referenced. I will print this one out and refer to it in my emails to Steven.

Plus I could stand to read this a few times myself.

Thanks for following through with this and reminding us all that we have much work to do with ourselves on this Biblical commandment. Not to mention raising up our children in a manner pleasing to Him.

Did you notice the Item Size of this piece? 7.77! He did that through YOU!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




4
4
Review of Rainbow  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Shelly -

Oh my! What a series of circumstances! I didn't think I would be able to finish this piece.

The horror of it all. Ugh!

You are a tower of strength whether you can see that quality in yourself or not. Trust me, your girls have seen you in the worst circumstances and YOU are their
strongest example to draw comfort from. You held it all together Mom, even when you thought you couldn't or wouldn't. *Delight*

I also hope that you realize that God was there with you all the time, otherwise you would not be where you are today. *Heart*

Storm
5
5
Review of The Epiphany  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
trisha -

I was moved to pray for you and your daughter. This is a story that all mothers can put themselves in your place. Once that is done, the tears are next.

Your candor of how you handled this shock is brave and refreshing. I applaud your honesty and sincerity and hope you realize what a special place you have chosen to share this tragedy.

We, here at Writing.Com, are the most generous when support and prayers are needed by one of our own.

And you are now one of ours. Welcome to a family of writers who care about you and your child and will always be here for you. *Heart*

Storm
6
6
Rated: E | (4.0)
meta -

I LOVE it when I have to go to my dictionary because I don't know the words used. *Bigsmile*

And you accomplished that THREE times!

rufous
desiderated
threnodies

Thanks for teaching this older feline 3 new words today *Exclaim*

As far as the text goes, I find it to be an Old World style construction, which is remarkable to me considering your 18 tender years.

And to be the beloved ballad of bravery,

I DO like the alliteration in this line.

You have college plans in the written word? I can see you being a bonafide wordsmythe! *Wink*

W E L C O M E * T O * W R I T I N G . C O M *Exclaim*
7
7
Rated: E | (5.0)
peaceful -

S O M E B O D Y * P I C K *

M E * U P *Exclaim*


W O W S E R *Exclaim*

Your message is condensed, intellectual and so On Target. It's style is for above-average thinkers who can appreciate articulation.

I'm off to bunk in your port til I get enough of what you have to share.

Storm
8
8
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Kenz - What a beautiful way to spread the Word. It covers everything.

No telling how many will listen to that story and come away a little different because they will absorb, at least, some of His Message.

The fact that there are 12 items makes this so extra special!

This has to go to Public Review so all can see your latest work!
9
9
for entry "Catching up on emails" Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Kenzie -

*Laugh* AND *Laugh* AND *Laugh*, girlfriend, what's so hysterical is that I didn't get your little modification either. . . rightaway. *Laugh*

I repeated that over and over and then it hit me, speech impediment, O K A Y!

I GET THAT ONE!


I can't believe that I haven't rated your blog before now. Just overlook me. *Blush*

Storm
10
10
Rated: E | (5.0)
FF -

The contagious emotion here is palpable. Oh my, this is too many kinds of wonderful and the depth that's balanced with meter and rhythm. *Shock* *Smile*

This cadence is, for me, perfect - your innermost heartstrings pulled and plucked when and where your need be, which we readers can all collectively agree upon.

The reader is mesmerized by the message and the MUSIC you have penned here.

Our Lord has given your spirit utterance and what a treat for us all!

Storm
11
11
Review of I Dream  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Southern Diva - Your formatting here is a pleasure for the optical senses.

Very nice.

I dream
Of faithful relationships
Of steamy kisses
Of fulfilling romances
And someone with hope that never fizzes

This is not a rhyme, but it is what's referred to as a soft rhyme.

I really like the repetitive use of the word "Of".

You are in the right place! Enjoy your membership! *Delight*

Storm
12
12
Rated: E | (5.0)
Kenz - Pretty prose!

This makes sense to me!

"Be still, am know that I AM GOD." Yes ma'am!

I am sooooooo relieved that there IS an I AM in our lives. That is a measure of security that no mortal can match.

G L O R Y !



Phyllis
13
13
Review of Sharing Spaces  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
LOOK AT YOU!

Meter is purrr-fect, you need to do this more often. Don't you enjoy writing poetry?

Another gift He's given you.

I bet you can interior decorate and paint too. Am I right?

I'm just lovin' you Big Time today! Fallin' deeper in love with my Kenzer! (I know, that you know, how I mean that)

Deeper in Christ' love. The best kind. *Delight*

Mini-me
14
14
Rated: E | (5.0)
Paragraphs 3-4-5 were the most revealing for me and I'm glad I clicked. *Smile*

"Another helpful reason not to copy a complete piece of writing publicly involves honoring the writer's right to choose where he wants his work presented. If he has restricted who can read his material and the reviewer pastes the whole piece publicly, then the reviewer may have damaged the author's chances for publishing elsewhere. At best, the reviewer has taken the choice from the writer, who does own the material."

When I read this point, I realized you had taught me something I never thought of. I've been guilty of doing that. *Blush*

This How-To will change how I write poetry reviews in the future, starting tonight!

Thanks Vivian
15
15
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Kenzie - Awww . . . what a darling rendition of a Christmas Favorite.

So innocently presented as an animal is to the things of men. You maintained the creature's guiltless personality throughout the piece. *Heart*

Some humans see more clearly thru an animal's eyes than their own. Thank you for touching the spirit of those animal lovers for His Glory.

Storm
16
16
Review of Honorable Mention  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
iris - How delightful and whimsical! *Delight*

Your meter is wonderful to my brain's ear and how self-affirming can one get? *Laugh*

When I like a piece I do a meter analysis on it for skips and giggles, sooooooo . . . I have done so with yours.

Stanza 1 - 10-11-10-11
Stanza 2 - 10-11-10-11
Stanza 3 - 10-11-10-11
Stanza 4 - 10-11-10-11
Stanza 5 - 10-11-10-11
Stanza 6 - 10-11-10=11

YOU ARE IN PERFECT FORM!

I have to link this piece of meter perfection in my blahhhg! Check out "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

As a matter of fact I will probably go on and on about it since the subject of meter, rhythm and cadence is such a touchy one with those prose and free style writers. *Smile*

I am blessed with this 10-11-10-11 form and it also goes on Public Review for ALL to have a chance to read PERFECT METER.

You have the timing and talent and don't you ever quit!

My Favorite: I could not decide between the following two stanzas.

What are you reading from morning to night?
It seems all reviewers have dropped out of sight!
Hardly a poet, yet writing this verse,
I beg for your comments ere sorrows grow worse.

I have such talent you must recognize
If only my writing gets viewed by your eyes.
Frustration mounts as I wait for the cheer
that says, "It's the best I have read in a year!"

Congratulations!


Storm
17
17
Review of Gethsemane  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a powerful piece that had my attention for the beauty in which you stated your case.

You have made an analogy to this tragedy that I never in a lifetime would have drawn.

Your quiver is almost full *Delight* and YOU have with this piece, given motherhood a brighter crown. If your mnd-set could be instilled in all young women today, wouldn't we all be so much better off?

I applaud your ethic and your seven children. Your husband has found a treasure and my wishes for all your happiness and health.

Storm
18
18
Rated: E | (4.0)
Gee - I thought I had an item of Lorien's, and didn't know it wasn't hers until I started this review.

Oh well, I read it and I'll rate it gladly! *Smile*

This rhythm is delicious. I run into soooooo many negative attitudes about meter, rhythm and cadence that appear in so many young people's work. *Frown*

So I hungrily consumed this delight, complete with the humorous slant. I sense a limerical quality to it and the cadence delivery is light. *Smile* Gosh, I even review in rhyme! Did you catch the preceding sentence *Question* *Laugh*

I'd like to offer my own suggestions from my own artistic POV and do so within the objective of Writing.Com. *Smile*

Allow me to play with your piece. I like to do meter analysis just for skips and giggles.

Yours is as follows:

Stanza 1 - 7-7-7-6-7-7-8-8
Stanza 2 - 8-5-8-6-7-6-9-6
Stanza 3 - 6-7-7-6-8-5-10-5
Stanza 4 - 7-5-6-8-5-7-9-6
Stanza 5 - 6-5-8-6-7-8-11-8

As you can see the meter could be tightened up so the rhythm is even smoother. It ranges here from 5-11. The following is still your words just slightly re-arranged and a couple of inserts in this "my playpoem".

I stepped out on the landing
of that large demanding chat
And found that I was standing
Upon next door neighbor's cat.
Sense perception heard it shriek
Induction was also there,
Seemed to happen every week,
My emotions didn't care.

This start was so strong in 7's, I couldn't resist. 5 of 8 were seven.

Ethically: moved my foot
from the luckless feline's head,
I could've left it angry
But, I petted it instead.
A moral relativist
quickly bit me on the hand.
Suppose it was justified,
but still I am not a fan.

The sense of humor is evident here and I "was a fan".

I left the feline forlorn
and continued with my day,
I trudged to the museum
where all children like to play.
A certain, small, mixed-up girl
asked me simply, "what is art?"
With absolute certainty,
I said . . ."that which moves the heart."

This is, at THIS point, my favorite stanza. Very nicely done.

"The heart is but an organ
used to pump the life-force blood,
commonly so misconceived
to be; Origin of Love.
Since it cannot be just 'moved'
as you're trying to assert;
It's inept of jealousy,
Conceit, happiness, or hurt."

I fell backward in defense,
So shocked by her quick retort.
Language quite offended me!
I just answered her in short:
"The mind is trapped by fences;
makes its own reality,
relying on consensus;
You, on some authority."

It's all Seven now and you can tweak and niggle it to 7-8-7-8, or 8-7-8-7, Or 7-6-7-6 or 6-7-6-7. Combinations are exhausting. *Bigsmile*

I've enjoyed reviewing this piece and have sent this review to you privately.

Look in the near future for a Black Case Only Contest. You might enjoy it.

Regards,

Storm
19
19
Review of More than song  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi PAPA CASON Author Icon *Exclaim* I am the Poetry Judge for the "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..

Nothing goes unnoticed by Him. If that falling sparrow can't get past Him, nothing will. Least of which would be the melodious cricket. *Wink*

Following Traditional Style Format within Biblical Prompt of Author's Choice:

Executed beautifully! *Smile*

Plot/Imagery - Point/Ideals

The lesson has been learned. *Heart* Your physical size has nothing to do with the size of your love for God. As the cricket clearly demonstrated.

Meter, Rhythm & Cadence:

the couplets meter out the following way;
1. 13-14 8. 14-14
2. 14-14 9. 14-14
3. 13-14 10. 14-14
4. 14-14 11. 14-14
5. 14-14 12. 14-14
6. 15-14 13. 14-14
7. 12-13 14. 11-13 15. 14-14.

I got soooooo excited when I read this entry. It IS highly original in it's structure and I was anxious to do a meter analysis on it ASAP. *Smile*

And look at what I found *Exclaim* You are sooooooo
close and your phrasing is 10 kinds of tranquil along with a subtle lilting factor. A contentment of a sort. Very musical and pleasing to the brain's ear. *Thumbsup*

Spelling, Punctuation & Grammar

A+, A+ and A+.

Character/Object/Feeling Defined:

Consistent and charming throughout!

Favorite Line   or Passage:/b}



Christmas Eve will find me where the love-light gleams,
High up in the rafters where the Star of David beams.

Overall Impression - Final Comments:

Effortlessly done. I perceive this as soul-candy, sweet, delicious, warm, safe, pleasant and truth. Your readers can wear this, goes beyond the skin! Yeah, that's exactly right. This is food for our soul!

O Happy Day! *Laugh*


Writing.Com's portfolio format is such that your item's title and your handle have a specifically designated place so there is no need to title again and identify yourself. *Smile*

The 3rd final closing identification signature is also unnecessary.

Thank you for entering "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. and the Best to you in the Final Decision.
20
20
Review of The Revelation  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
I was still unsure what I was doing what I was doing in this forsaken place, this pit

"what I was doing" was duplicated.

I knew that nothing ahead of me had gave any hint to any sign of light or way of escape.

Should be "given"

My body threw itself instinctively against the dark wall amost without a sound.

Should be "almost"

Judging from the distance between the two walls and the floor and the ceiling it appeared that I was in some kind of hallway or tunnel.

Judging from the distance between the two walls, the floor and the ceiling it appeared that I was in some kind of hallway or tunnel.

The figure I had once saw was now gone.

That would be "seen"

No voices or any other sound could be heard, with the execption of my arm shaking violentely with my pistol drawn.

That would be "violently"

I tried desperately to cocentrate.

Should be "concentrate"

fragments,images flooded my mind like a raging storm until everything was soaked up in a single picture:

insert space after comma and replace : with a period

It was the slightest movement of the hands and feet swiftly moving without a sound, making as little nmoise as humanly possible.

Should be "noise"

He positioned himself where there was little light in order to further hide his his appearance.

Duplicated "his"

The second shot rang through the small house with an iron resove, its grasp draining the life of its target.

You have indented here and no where else. So choose to indent or not. You should not indent some and not others. *Smile*

I think you meant "resolve" here.

The second shot rang through the small house with an iron resove, its grasp draining the life of its target.
They were all dead,STOP! Four people dead with only two shots*Exclaim* is how this reads, I think you have miscalculated. *Smile*

the third and final shot ringing resoundly as the final drop of everything that had led to this point

I do not understand this passage OR how it relates to the preceding words. *Confused*

I suddenly felt to small as I looked around the room.

That should be "too"

Unfortunately there were too many spelling and grammatical errors to concentrate on this story. I found it too bizarre for my taste, even abstract in many places, not to mention repetitive. *Frown*

I think the assassin is Satan, but I'm not sure. Only you can verify that.

Maybe other members can find more meaning in this than I did. Don't be discouraged by my review for I am only one person here.

Good luck with other reviews. Placing this one on Public Review so you as a SPANKING BRAND-NEW NEWBIE can get more exposure.

Nevertheless,

*Balloon1* * *Balloon2* * *Balloon3*W E L C O M E to Writing.Com *Exclaim* You've made The Best decision to join this writer's community! *Balloon1*

Storm

Make the corrections and I'll re-rate. *Smile*
21
21
Rated: E | (4.5)
Mrs. H -

Kenzie Author Icon led me to you. Ain't she a Doll? :)

This is so sweet - You have touched upon what all humans need in their lives, regardless of their age.

To be held, soothed, loved and comforted by His Holy Hand.

Utopia! *Delight*

Storm
22
22
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Molly - Above-average tale of Santa's close call with a naughty female.

Your inferences to things of a sexual nature were a delicious treat, without the obvious overtures most fall prey to.

Suggestive but within the bounds of decency! *Wink*

Best to you in the competition!

Storm
23
23
Review of Somebody's Cat  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
PENsive - I love cat stories and you seem to have pegged this independent young man very lovingly. You r love comes through and your husband's.

And you know what? I can quickly warm up to people like you, who love the feline in all their glory and their idiocyncrasies {sp?)

I loved it!

Storm
24
24
Review of Beach Scene  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Gosh Flip - I thought all you wrote was sonnets! I stand corrected! *Cool*

There are several lines I really like.

Like:

Smooth, foamy surf, sensuously settles ashore.

The aliteration is delicious here!*Delight*

Crooning crickets keep hauntingly humming their tune.

I would interchange "hymns" for tune. I can't help it, I like this! *Smile*

Soothesaying stars glimmer and glow making the darkness demure.

Looked this one up to be sure, it's "soothsaying"

Bay's breeze billows the blanket that covers the cooling sand.

YES - YES - YES
The hazy horizon hums with a buoy's bells.

You are double-aliterating! *Cool*

A sandcastle fights, forging its final stand.

Ever tried haikus? You MUST!

Languidly losing self sense to the sensual surreal.

You are on fire in this piece!

Pure pulchritude proves that nature deals in divine.

You said a mouthful Flipper! *Bigsmile*

Goes to Publis Review so all who know you can see something different about Flip!!!

Storm
25
25
Review of Carry Me  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well now Twink - It seems as if I was led to come here first. Wouldn't you know that? YES, you are professing to be a Child of the Most High God! *Cool*

Publicly confessing - and so powerfully done! I am not usually a fan of prose, but twink, this is musically done! My first attraction to it was visual of course! *Laugh* And the form is of contemporary /traditional style and I read it!!! Got me!! and I'm so proud you did! *Delight*

Everyone should! *Smile*

So glad i stopped this time and got to sample prose as it's surely meant to be.

Storm

ATTENTION: Public Review:

REGARDING: Send to display screen ASAP!!!

May the Spirit of Our Lord enter a willing loving Temple and send His Blessings forth!

Hey yall, He's just waitin' on You! *Heart*
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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stormcloud