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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stoland1999
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135 Public Reviews Given
170 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
My goal is to give a detailed, organized review that highlights the positive characteristics of the work, while also touching on any areas that might benefit from some editing. All of my reviews are, of course, just suggestions and meant to be helpful to the author. I am always available via WDC email if more input is needed on any aspect of the review.
I'm good at...
I excel at analyzing spelling, grammar, punctuation, timeline continuity, and the flow of the story. I prefer to review fiction but can apply my knowledge to non-fiction as well. My knowledge of the fundamentals of poetry is very limited (at the moment at least!). My reviews of poems tend to be more along the lines of how it comes across to me, how it made me feel, and what I visualized when reading it.
Favorite Genres
Fiction, Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Romance, Mystery, Comedy, Inspirational, Family, Military, Holidays
Least Favorite Genres
Non-Fiction, Horror
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, books, contest entries, blogs
I will not review...
Erotica
Public Reviews
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi BrokenRing Author Icon, this is a review of "Bumps In The Night" Open in new Window..

Please keep in mind that these are my perceptions of this piece. These comments should be considered constructive criticism and are not suggestions to change your work.

Overall: Short, but powerful description of the frightening things that can bother us in the night. Written in such a way that you can’t tell if the individual in the story is imagining it or if it is some supernatural occurrence.

Details:

*Starg* Focuses on the ‘thing’ that is causing the distress during the night. Very little is said about the individual. It lets the reader either watch from the outside or be inside the person’s shoes.

*Starg* Relatable topic that resonates with a lot of people, no matter their age or origins.

*Starg* Good use of descriptive language that creates a visual of this entity, though it is formless and nameless.

*Starg* The last line is a fitting ending and stays with the reader.

*Starg* The feel of the piece itself conflicted with the title for me. The title gave me an impression of a piece that was geared towards a younger crowd. The work itself is not frightening, per se, but it is definitely a dark piece that I would only offer up for the young adult or adult audience.

Lasting Impressions: As someone who battles sleeplessness more often than I like to admit, this struck me as an intriguing description of our worries/fears coming out to haunt us at a vulnerable time in our life. I think it would make a great starting point for a longer story.

Thanks for sharing your work with the community.

*Turkey* Maddie

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Jakrebs Author Icon, this is a review of "Emily, her Elves, and the Bank" Open in new Window..

Please keep in mind that these are just my thoughts. Every person’s work is their own and all comments should be considered constructive criticism and not a recommendation to change anything.

Overall: ‘Enchanting’ (yes, I said it) read. *Wink* Sort of a world within a world, namely ours. What intrigued me the most about this piece is that it felt like the author sat down and wrote it from start to finish on a whim. The format made me look for rhyming. (Was it going to be a poem?) When there was none to find, I was actually pleasantly surprised. For this particular story, it worked well to have the short, to the point statements.

Comments:

*StarG* In the line ‘without recognizing you just bushed up with greatness.’ I think that you might have meant the word ‘bushed’ to be ‘brushed’.

*StarG* Only using a few cuss words in certain places helps emphasize the brunt of them where they are used. Nicely done.

*StarG* Good pace. Flows as though it is a meandering train of thought, but lays everything out in a way that keeps the reader’s attention.

Lasting Impressions: Reminiscent of the ‘gremlins’ that plague people by breaking things, but can never actually be seen (only possibly heard through the creaks and groans of buildings, ships, etc), these elves are the polar opposite. Absorbing their power from the goodness that is Emily, they go out and help us. Interesting take on how the responsibilities of the male elves versus the female. It creates a nice balance.

Thanks for sharing this with the community. *Smile*

*Ghost* Maddie

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Review of Aura Of Authority  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi foxtale Author Icon, this is a review of "Aura Of Authority" Open in new Window..

A wonderfully endearing short story that warms the heart.

From start to finish, the scenes are painted for the reader through short, impactful descriptions. Written from the father’s point of view, we see through both his eyes and those of his daughter.

The red whistle carries us through a beloved family story of her challenges and triumph of coming into her own as a young adult. Sprinkled throughout with how much her family cares for her, the short story has a satisfying conclusion with the humorous ending of Melanie’s own summer learning experience.

We are left with the beginning image of that whistle resting on the antique dress form adorned with other items from her childhood adventures. The collection of love and happiness that lingers even though she has left for college.

*StarG*: My only minor comment is that the words ‘High School’ may not need to be capitalized due to a general reference, not a specific location. However, this could also be author’s preference.

Thank you for sharing your work with the community!

*Ghost* Maddie

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Review of Contest Entries  Open in new Window.
for entry "Christmas in July" Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Angelica Weatherby-Star on top Author Icon, this is a review of "Contest Entries" Open in new Window..

Overall: I've mostly seen the theme of Christmas in July as a marketing tactic, so getting to read a poem about it for this contest was an original and enjoyable experience. *Smile* I feel that you hit a perfect balance for illustrating contrast in your poem: cold/hot, bright mint/decadent chocolate, presents to unwrap/eerie silence. One of the prompt words was 'eerie' and that is how I felt throughout the entire post. It was as if this pseudo holiday was all ready to go, but no one was there to celebrate it (yet?).

Technical Issues: Line 15 - 'Maybe snowing maybe sunny' could (possibly?) use a comma between snowing and the second maybe. Poetry can be different when it comes to punctuation and inserting a comma may break the flow you definitely achieved!

Favorite Part(s): The line that stood out for me was #12 - Barbecue weather on the grill. Weather is generally an abstract, intangible thing and here it is given substance. I loved that visual. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

*Turtle2* Maddie

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Review of Mushroom Grove  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello jasperkasper Author Icon, this is a review of "Mushroom Grove" Open in new Window..

Overall: I have never seen the subject of mushrooms become such an interesting focus of a piece of work, until now. The terms you used plus the lively descriptions brought this poem alive for me. A couple years ago, I experienced an overgrowth of these in our front and back lawns. It was a cause for concern with our dogs, so I researched them and found an abundance of information on a great many mushrooms. It did get me thinking of how to use them in my writing and I'm glad to see someone else took an interest like this, as well!

Technical Issues: I only saw one typo. The third line: 'visiting each mushrooms'. Using the word 'each' indicates the use of the singular 'mushroom'.

Favorite Part(s): My favorite line was the very first one. Lost in the woods can be such a sinister topic to consider, yet you elaborate on how peaceful a journey it could be. The first line also tied into the last stanza for me, speaking of being lost and being scattered by the wind. This poem had a wealth of visual cues and left me with a clear, enjoyable picture in my mind to go with the words.

Thank you for sharing this poem with us!

*Turtle2* Maddie

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Present Tense Author Icon, this is a review of "A Door Closes ... Another Opens" Open in new Window..

Overall: You give us an interesting and quick entrance into a new world. The beginning hints at a larger story that has unfolded before we even began the journey with these individuals. It draws the reader in and has us anticipating and wanting to know more.

Technical Issues:
I only saw a couple issues:
*StarG* It says the party consisted of 6 people, but only 5 are accounted for (unless I missed something, which I could have!)
*StarG* 'An Eleven girl' - I think you might have meant 'Elven' (for the Elves mentioned later)
*StarG* This is not an issue, just a comment. If this was meant for a contest (the phrase that was bolded), consider mentioning in a note at the bottom what contest it is for. It is nice to have that reference sometimes when you are reading through the posts. *Smile*

Favorite Part(s): My favorite part of this piece is that it left me with more questions than answers. I love a good short story that leaves my mind wandering through it long after, wanting to know what happens to the characters. Great job!

Thank you for sharing this short story with us!

*Turtle2* Maddie

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Maryann Author Icon, this is a review of "On the Edge of a New Dawn" Open in new Window..

Overall: I have read a great many stories with dragons in them and some have even had the dragon as a main character. However, I have never read anything that has this kind of perspective from a dragon. It was a humbling and moving take on how they would see the world and their place in it. You conveyed his sorrow at being alone in a beautiful and subtle way.

Technical Issues: I did not find any technical issues.

Favorite Part(s): My favorite line was the last one. Though gifted with his extraordinary existence, this dragon does not revel in the power he could wield over smaller creatures. Instead, he is insightful and self-aware, staking his future hopes and dreams on the chance that he might one day find another like himself.

Thank you for sharing this poem with us!

*Turtle2* Maddie

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello L.A. Grawitch Author Icon, this is a review of "Christmas Meat Platter" Open in new Window..

Overall: First, let me say, blech! The ending really made me cringe, so the horror part worked! Sasha certainly turned out to be a fruitcake for the holiday, it seems. She seemed pretty normal right up until that sharp turn at the end. I have to admit I felt sorry for her until then.
As your tale began, I felt like I was hearing the narrator introduce the skit that was about to be performed. These three women who are facing the holiday season. The dialogue between them reinforced the storyline. I could predict the ending, but not exactly how it was told, which definitely made me shudder for the secret insanity that Sasha had been hiding so well.

Technical Issues: There were only a few issues with some punctuation and forgetting a letter in a word here or there. Nothing that took away from the spooky feeling of the story!

Favorite Part(s): To me, the set up for your story felt like a modern version of one of Edgar Allen Poe’s works. The characters in Poe’s stories were introduced quickly and then the plot took off. I felt this was the style you used here. The twist ending where Sasha’s hidden nature was revealed, along with the rhyming, was full of creepiness that sticks with the reader.

Thank you for sharing this short story with us!

*Turtle2* Maddie

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Davideo Author Icon, this is a review of "A dystopian marshmallow short story" Open in new Window..

Overall: This was an interesting take on the given prompt. I hadn’t known there was a plant that had the nickname of marsh mallow. I researched a bit and found it pretty neat that this exists.
Your short story felt like it could be expanded. The young girl and the Shaman are our only true characters, but others are hinted at in this world where real books are a rarity. The premise drew me in and the ending left me both satisfied, yet still curious about this place.

Technical Issues: In the third paragraph, in this fragment ‘winded from running, She’ the ‘She’ should not be capitalized.

Favorite Part(s): My favorite part was that you used a real plant (and science, the Latin name for it) as the basis for your story. I could tell that you had done your research and mixed real knowledge together with your fictional world. Nice job!

Thank you for sharing this short story with us!

*Turtle2* Maddie

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Review of Mistakes  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Beholden Author Icon, this is a review of "Mistakes" Open in new Window..

Overall: An excellent submission for the contest. The suspense of the story had a good curve building to the end and kept me wondering if Moonie would die. The frustration that Falcon felt is relatable. The poor management skills of Moon are illustrated through his actions and the sayings he keeps spouting.
I especially appreciated how the two characters became real even though no physical descriptions were given. In my opinion, it shows great talent to bring characters to life in a such few words and they can look like whatever the reader envisions, which is different for everyone.

Technical Issues: I did not find any technical issues.

Favorite Part(s): The part that stood out to me was that no one, including Falcon, warned Moon of the impending danger. The focus was put on Falcon, but the others could have done something, as well. There was a slight supernatural feeling when he heard the voice in his head. Was it just his own inner thoughts or something more sinister? It was an insightful story of how everyday stress can compound until unthinkable circumstances present themselves.

Thank you for sharing your short story with us!

*Turtle2* Maddie

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Review of MANATEE  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Maria Mize Author Icon, this is a review of "MANATEE" Open in new Window.

Overall: I loved your choice of a manatee for your poem. To me, they are a remarkable contradiction, such gentle creatures for their size. You illustrate two perspectives for us, the manatee and the humans watching. Both observations are done in eloquent style.

Technical Issues: I found no technical issues.

Favorite Part(s): Two lines I admired most: ‘A mute sea reveals a wonder.’; ‘satisfaction personal, interaction universal’. For me, it is an overwhelming thought for how much is hidden in the waters here on Earth. Your line summed that up perfectly, in my opinion. The fragment I mentioned captured the experience so very well. A moment to see such a creature would leave a special memory and also let someone feel connected to the greater scheme of things here in this world.

Thank you for sharing your poem with us!

*Turtle2* Maddie

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi 💙 Carly-wrimo 2024 Author Icon, this is a review of "The Mythical Village of Luna" Open in new Window..

Overall: You mention in your note for the post that you can see a story in this piece but were limited by the 15 lines requirement. I heartily agree with you. Within the limitations provided, you give the readers a rich experience with imagery and a lilting excursion into the lore the piece is based upon.

Technical Issues: There are 3 lines that are missing a period at the end of them. I wasn’t sure if this was on purpose or not. I do know that sometimes things like that can be done intentionally for effect. Otherwise, everything looked great.

Favorite Part(s): The parts that resonated with me the most were ‘in a village pressed up against the sea’ and ‘their fate merges with the local lore’. The village is a place, a thing, but when expressed like this it makes it into so much more. For me, it gave the village a life and feelings of its own as it nestled in the location by the waves.
The second line brought everything together for me. The rare individuals that do end up staying fade from the rest of the world and are combined with the myth that is carried on, so the sadness felt at the rest of the world losing them is healed by the fact that they live on through the lore.

Thank you for sharing this poem with us!

*Turtle2* Maddie

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Review of Alone  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sum1's In Seattle Author Icon, this is a review of "Alone" Open in new Window..

Overall: I enjoyed reading your story. It catches the attention of the reader and draws us into the plot immediately. We are given a good visual of Chris, who he is and how his role may impact the narrative, right from the beginning. The entrance of Marjorie brings tension that keeps the story moving forward at a smooth pace.

Technical Issues: I didn't see any technical issues. The short time it takes for Chris to begin feeling differently towards Marjorie felt a bit abrupt at first, but in retrospect, I feel like it was fitting considering the length of the piece.

Favorite Part(s): I loved the contrast of 'despite it being a sunny day, he felt a chill down his spine'. The initial reaction Chris has to Marjorie reinforces the fact that he has lived alone and has preferred it that way. The remark that he felt as if he had known her all his life and not just a few minutes gives the indication that there could be a bigger picture at play here that would be revealed later in the story.

Thank you for sharing this post with us!

*Turtle2* Maddie

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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello ruwth Author Icon, this is a review of "ruwth is writing..." Open in new Window..

Overall: I usually stick to fiction, so I wasn't sure what to expect from this piece. It contained helpful details about meditation and an example of your personal impression of meditation. I enjoyed reading it and seeing this topic from your point of view.

Technical Issues:
*StarG* 3rd paragraph, second sentence, may need the word 'the' added: 'single definition of the act of meditating'
*StarG* 4th paragraph, first two sentences, needs a space: 'here?Meditating'
*StarG* Last paragraph, third to last sentence, may need a colon added: 'bottom line is this: meditating'
*StarG* Last paragraph, second to last sentence, it is a run-on sentence and could be broken up into 3 individual sentences.

Lasting Impressions: The flow of your essay is easy to follow. I like that you begin with the definitions, then expound into your thoughts on the topic.

The placement (and choice) of your example is perfect. (I did have a little chuckle at wondering who in the younger crowds will be able to understand the analogy without looking it up for clarification! I do miss driving a manual transmission, but my knees don't!)

I would have enjoyed hearing your thoughts on the benefits of using meditation on our physical and emotional wellbeing, in addition to the mental aspects. Overall, a great essay on on the topic!

Thank you for sharing it with us.

*Turtle2* Maddie

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Review of A Starhawk Tale  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Author Joseph J. Madden Author Icon, this is a review of "A Starhawk Tale" Open in new Window..

Overall: Sci-fi is one of my favorite genres, though it does have to be well written to keep me engaged. This entry in your Starhawk series definitely achieved that requirement! Your writing has an easy-going style that shows you are comfortable with this storyline and enjoy spending time with these characters. If the author clearly has had fun writing the story, it comes through for me and adds that extra bit of magic to pull me into what is happening. This is how I felt when I read your entry. *Smile*

Suggestions/Comments:

*CheckG* Your characters feel real. Even in a short time, they come alive with the descriptions and actions.

*CheckG* The humor is injected with a subtle flair, which is appropriate. In my opinion, most individuals reading sci-fi want to laugh at witty comments, sarcasm and sly humor. We don't need laughs delivered with a sledge hammer.

*CheckG* Your beginning is engaging, sets the scene and leads us into a glimpse of a bigger world. The ending was fitting and memorable, leaving me curious about what happens next and wondering about the rest of this place and its people.

*CheckG* The flow (and spacing for here on WdC) was well done. The timeline of events happened rapid-fire and I didn't lose my place due to long paragraphs, etc.

*CheckG* The beginning description of the area is fantastic. I love that you focus on dialogue thereafter, for the most part, because I really feel that is what a lot of sci-fi readers are seeking. (In general, save the big descriptions for the environment and battle/fight scenes. If characters are there, we want to hear them interact together, not be told about it second hand.)

*Quill* I did feel some confusion with so many characters thrown into the mix in such a short time. I was pretty secure about who was involved until the third set of guards and prisoner entered the room. I could foresee what was happening, but the newcomers got jumbled with the guards and even reading it a second time, it was hard to keep track. (Maybe I just need another cup of coffee! *Smile*) Also, I had the impression that Noth was in an office by himself until near the end when he had others behind him.

*Quill* Noth is a good character. I love the 'honorable bad guys' that have their own lines they won't cross. Reminds me of how I think some of the mob bosses and conquerors probably were in real life. They had their own set of ethics... and well, I guess they at least had some, right? In this case, I would have liked a tiny insight as to why Noth has gotten softer (having second thoughts about his profession because he's a dad now, getting ready to retire, any number of things that could affect him). For me, since I didn't have a reason, it weakened him somewhat. With high turnover on crews, you would need to be pretty ruthless on a regular basis to keep the new guys in line (I think).

Technical Issue(s): Not many at all! Good editing. *Smile*

*Type* Before the first prisoner comes in - 'guards didhave her in custody' - needs a space.

*Type* Throughout, 'Forster' is spelled differently. I didn't think it was on purpose, but if it was, then please ignore this.

Favorite Part(s): I loved the overall plot of this entry. Old ruse, but well executed and appropriate for the circumstances. Though I had a hard time keeping up with all of them towards the end, I loved the mixture of different characters. In such a short time, you give a wide impression of this new world that is intriguing and invites readers to explore it further.

Thank you for sharing this with us! I look forward to reading more of your writing.

*EggG* *Rabbit* Maddie

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Review of Or So I Thought  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sum1's In Seattle Author Icon, this is a review of "Or So I Thought" Open in new Window..

While I enjoy reading the fictional posts on WdC, it is always interesting to read something based on real life, too. I found this poem relatable and cute. *Smile* The rhythm carried me through the piece and the repeating last line of each stanza helped tie everything together. The length of the lines in each stanza also made a visual impact.

I have definitely had those mornings when I was so glad that it wasn't time to get up yet! Usually though, I end up just staring at the wall or ceiling, ugh!

Great poem! Thank you for sharing it with us.

*EggG* *Rabbit* Maddie

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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Sum1's In Seattle Author Icon, this is a review of "The Lonely Man Who Sat Alone" Open in new Window..

My first comment I want to make is that at the end of reading your poem, I had chills. That's not something that happens often for me. I loved your post and am so glad that you not only shared it with us, but that you entered it for the monthly Honoring our Veterans Contest.

The title of your piece at first glance could seem redundant, but instead it gives great insight in so few words. We can be surrounded by people and yet feel alone. For this main character, being alone is a part of who he has become because of what has experienced.

The way that you write about the woman he loves and loves him in return is so very poignant. I'm married to a veteran and I know firsthand how special that bond is and I cherish it every single day. I don't know that I have ever heard it expressed so accurately as you accomplished with this piece.

Thank you again for sharing this post, best wishes for the contest!

*EggG* *Rabbit* Maddie

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Review of Oklahoma  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Lori J Author Icon, this is a review of "Oklahoma" Open in new Window..

Happy Writing.com Anniversary!

What a moving poem full of wonderful descriptions that illustrate both the landscape of the area you love and your pride for being from there! The details you included show that it takes a hardy individual to make it there: coyotes and biting winds. You mention the bare trees, which can leave the reader feeling bereft, but describe them as I have always thought of them - as sleeping. The reminder that spring is coming soon lifts our hearts again, as you end the poem with the reminder that it takes a brave soul to be an Oklahoman.

I felt this was a terrific tribute to where you are from. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Congratulations on three years here in this fantastic community!

*Gold* Maddie

Celebrating you with an Anniversary Review.

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Review of The Hill  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Nikola~Thankful Author Icon, this is a review of "The Hill" Open in new Window..

I enjoyed your poem. There was the feeling of a quiet beginning building to a peak at the end. You did a great job with presenting the four topics in the first stanza that were then each detailed in the next three stanzas. The last tied everything together and leaves the reader expectant of that storm approaching. Your choice of descriptive words created a beautiful visual scene.

The only comment/suggestion I have that might lend to the flow would be to set up a recurring number of syllables for each line in the stanzas. As it is, the poem already has a good flow, so it would just build upon what is already there.

The last line is what resonated with me the most. It made me feel as though I was the one there on the hill, hearing what I may not yet be able to see.

Thank you for sharing this poem with us!

*CupidArrowR* *HeartG* Maddie

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Review of Natural 20  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Jeff Author Icon, this is a review of "Natural 20" Open in new Window..

Happy WdC Anniversary!

Overall: As a D&D player, I really enjoyed this short story! You started out with a good premise, kept the tension to the plot by involving the session being played, and then rounded it out with a wonderful last line. I liked the interplay between the two characters, especially their humor. How you handled putting the texts in the flow of the story was done well. It was easy to see what it was supposed to be, the colors identified who it was without labeling it, and you used the abbreviations where appropriate, but not too much.

Technical Issues: I didn't see any technical issues.

Favorite Part(s): My favorite part was your line 'I have a plan.' *Laugh* Oh, how spot on that phrase is for D&D sessions. Another favorite was when Oliver decides to sacrifice himself for the good of the party and then bestows all of the bonuses on none other than the girl whom he is trying to woo. It was a perfect set up for the rest of the story.

Your portfolio and participation in the community show how much you care about this place and the people here. When I needed to ask a question early on in my time here, you responded what seemed like instantly. Please know that everything you do is appreciated!

Thank you for sharing this piece with us. Congratulations on two decades here in this fantastic community!

*CupidArrowR* *HeartG* Maddie

Celebrating you with an Anniversary Review.

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Review of Running from Feat  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello the Great Natsby Author Icon, this is a review of "Running from Feat" Open in new Window..

Happy WdC Anniversary! Congratulations on two years here in this wonderful community!

Overall: This is a very moving draft that you created. It is tagged as coming from personal experience and I am sorry for any loss you have experienced. It seems as though you were on the road to expressing yourself through your writing and were doing a great job. Your perspective and focusing on his feet struck me immediately, pulling me into the piece and making it more relatable. How you end this portion fits that initial emotional pull and left me wanting to know more about what happens next.

Technical Issues: You have some grammatical issues that can be helped by running it through an editor. They don't take away from the overall feel of the piece. A suggestion for here is to use more spacing, if you can, because it makes it a little easier to read through in this format.

Lasting Impressions: This was an excellent snapshot of what could be a much larger piece of work. I hope to see more of it in the future. If you do get to do updates, please post them on your notebook or feel free to email me through here. I would love to read more.

All of your work that you posted was intriguing. I hope that life finds you well today and that you might be inspired to post more items.

*CupidArrowR* *HeartG* Maddie

Celebrating you with an Anniversary Review.

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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sum1's In Seattle Author Icon, this is a review of "There But For The Grace Of God, Go I" Open in new Window..

I have always loved this phrase. I first heard it when I was young. My mom said it one day and I asked what it meant. After she explained, it was something that would pop into my head when times were tough for me or someone I knew.

Your poem was moving and inspirational. You did a wonderful job of capturing the spirit of how you have felt at each point in your life. For me, the recurring phrase was like the four corner pieces to a puzzle. The emotions and memories make up the bulk of your poem and the phrase punctuates each stanza, bringing it all together in a beautiful presentation.

I'm approaching that third stanza, myself. Now, when I hear this phrase in my mind, or say it to my kids, I will remember your poem, as well. Thank you for sharing this with us!

*CupidArrowR* Maddie

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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sumojo Author Icon, this is a review of "Vexatious Valentine" Open in new Window..

Overall: Amongst some poems dripping with sentiment and flowery words, your poem comes across as clean, clear and true. The description said you are 'slamming the day of love', but I got the feeling it was twofold: the overdone retail aspect that pervades the day and also the focus on expressing such strong feelings on that particular day, instead of all the time.

Technical Issues: Not an error, just a comment. Your last two stanzas start with 'So'. I think it might make the flow smoother to remove the first 'So'.

Lasting Impression: I have to admit that I do love the poems that use flowery words, but I also love this one of yours as well. You expressed the way a lot of us feel about love and showing it to our special someone each day, not just saving it for a day or days each year.

Thank you for sharing it with us.

*Snow4* Maddie

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Review of Tangerine Skies  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Moonstone Author Icon, this is a review of "Tangerine Skies" Open in new Window..

Welcome to Writing.com! It's great to see you jumping right into everything. *Smile*

Overall: I really enjoyed your short story! As I read, Russell and Lola came to life for me and were this sweet, young couple who are going through an argument. You conveyed the frustration they were both feeling, along with Russell's confusion and being unsure of how to interpret Lola's actions.

Technical Issues: I didn't find any issues.

Lasting Impression: You did a good job sticking to the first-person style. I only saw Russell's name mentioned twice. It was clearly all through his eyes. It was fast-paced with a lot of dialogue, which I always like. It's always something special when an author can show us a good bit through the character's dialogue what's going on, rather than telling us through descriptive text. You also kept the focus on the plot, which was their relationship and argument.

The takeaway that I got from the song and your story was that Russell was thinking of all the good times and wishing he and Lola could get back to those. No relationship is perfect and people do say stupid things sometimes. The ending was really good that they both apologized and worked it out.

Glad to have you hear at WdC! If you ever have any questions, please let me know and I'll do my best to help. Thank you for sharing your short story with us.

*Snow2* Maddie

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Review of JAKE  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello SSpark Author Icon, this is a review of "JAKE" Open in new Window..

Happy WdC Anniversary!

Overall: You are most definitely a writer - and a great one! Your memories flow from your mind to the words on the page, so for the reader it is like watching a film reel of your past. I love the emotions that are injected into the tale, from the pride and love for Jake to the exhaustion of your mother, to the impending doom of the spanking for Pete.

Technical Issues: Just one - at the very end there is a sentence that is missing punctuation. It is the second to last sentence.
Not issues, but compliments: I appreciate the increased font size and spacing. It makes it much easier to read. Your dialogue is also very well done.

Favorite Part(s): I love the flow of your work. It is such a natural style that is this relaxed jaunt through a story of your life. It felt like I was sitting down for a cup of coffee and getting to hear you chat about one of your favorite memories.

Congratulations on over a year here in this great community!

Thank you for sharing this story with us!

*Snow2* Maddie

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