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Review Requests: ON
1,251 Public Reviews Given
1,281 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
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601
601
Review of Human vs Humane  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
This opinion piece started well, but lost its way in the middle then found itself at the end again.

You do need to watch your apostrophe usage, spelling, general punctuation (commas, etc) and sentence formatting, as these sorts of errors can be distracting for a reader.

The arguments were put forward well enough, but some lacked the back up that others had, making those particular arguments less forceful.

Sorry for being so negative. You are obviously passionate about this and I think you could come up with quite a persuasive piece here.
602
602
Review of Proving quote  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
I think this needs to be expanded considerably. What if proving something to some one else goes against who or what you are? Are you still a nobody? We need to know more than just this - tell the reader all the whys and wherefores of your disagreement.
603
603
Review of Teenagers  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
This reminded me of the Mark Twain quote: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

I think the juxtaposition of the two is well done, especially with the parent speaking like a whinger and the child using far more sophisticated language. Very good, well done.
604
604
Review of My Death Story  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Intriguing concept, looking back on one's death from a heaven (limbo) that does not meet one's expectations. However, I was taken a little out of the story by the very loing run-on sentences that ran throughout it. They made it hard to keep focused on what was happening. And there were a lot of them. A little editting of this would really help.

Example: "Well now you know, I am an extremely powerful witch, or at least that’s what my mother tells me, if I’m honest though I’m more powerful in the shopping department."

How about:

Well, now you know - I am an extremely powerful witch. At least, that’s what my mother tells me. You know, if I’m honest though, I reckon I’m more powerful in the shopping department.

Of course, this is just a suggestion.
605
605
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting positivity essay. The language fit the subject well, not too formal, but not completely informal as well. Spelling, grammar, etc really good. Even the paragraph structure was good, with each new point getting its own paragraph. However, the paragraphs themselves were too wordy. For the people who will need to read this sort of thing, I feel there needs to be less to take in all at once. Maybe a few more examples could have helped. Not necessarily anecdotes, but maybe some ways people can do what you suggest. Having said that, it is the sort of thing Reader's Digest and the like publish - have you considered submitting it to those sort of publications? Nice work, well done.
606
606
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Interesting arguments. While you do well in putting your points forward, the formatting can be a little confusing. This is going to sound 'teacher-ly', so I apologise in advance. In an argument such as you are putting forward, each new idea should be a new paragraph. The opening sentence should be the point you are trying to make, with subsequent sentences ebing supportive material. This may mean you triple your paragraph count and that some paragrpahs are only two sentences long. So be it. That way the reader is kept in one line of thinking, a new paragraph telling them to get ready for a new idea. The spelling and punctation are fine, I would just look at the setting up of your argument.

Having said that, I did like the piece. Like most men, I guess I like to think I'm a good man. I hope I am.
607
607
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
That's an interesting theory - that Hitler did what he did because he was forced to eat his vegetables! I found the madness evident in the older Hitler was maybe a little cliched and overdone. After all, some one as maniacal as that would not have kepot the loyal support he so clearly did until almost the end. The younger Hitler, however, that made more sense. As for writing, grammar and spelling good, although some paragraphs went through more than one subject. Interesting piece. Well done.
608
608
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this. I can actually relate - the mother of some one I know very well is just like this.
609
609
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting concept, but I'm not sure if it would work in reality, especially crime and punishment and the option of finishing education when you feel like it. There were some points when the narrative could have been tightened a little, especially describing crime and punishment. And this is a society you are describing, so using "I" as a dominant pronoun makes it seem more like a political theory than a descriptive piece.
610
610
Review of An October Day  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
This sets the scene very well. In just three paragraphs you have told the reader exactly where the story is set without beating them over the head with it. And the words you use - "death", "shrivelled, dead skin" - add to the overall effect of something gone horribly wrong. Succint and to the point, and it won't bog the ensuing story down. Well done.
611
611
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
The contrast between Dick and Thomas was a stark one. I thought it might have been a little cliched or one-dimensional at first, but the character of Thomas came across as guilty, while Dick knew the immortality of fame and went willingly. A system of justice that put Thomas in this situation came across as the greatest villain of all. Nice piece of work. Well done.
612
612
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
I have heard and read many of these arguments before, but here is my question: By these broad definitions, a non-topical comedy monologue - George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Bill Bailey to name 3 better known examples - could easily be considered poetry. I have come to the conclusion that poetry is in the eye of the beholder... much like beauty and truth.
613
613
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
I googled a few of these. And I have to say well done. You are a very quotable person, as many of these thoughts amnd musings are quite profound and deep. The four here from 2009 and one from 2011 I especially liked. A modern aphorist in the making! I'd like to read more of these.
614
614
Review of Retreat  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
There seemed to be some sort of pathetic longing in the narrator of the poem, as though they almost blamed themselves for the relationship going wrong. I liked the ambiguity in that (if that was what was indeed meant). Sad little poem; I liked it. Well done.
615
615
Review of Kari's Catch  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Well, that ending was certainly different! Points for originality there. In this sort of setting, the language you used was too contemporary I feel, when they spoke, and you occasionally mixed up your tenses. I think on the whole, con sidering the ending, the whole thing would have worked much better as written in present tense. Just my opinion.
616
616
Review of Embryo  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Very plausible sci-fi tale, well written (although calling Dr Harold a College made me start a little) and with enough of a hint of mystery to make the reader want to know more. It almost reads like the opening epilogue of a longer story, but it does stand well on its own. Well done.
617
617
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked this. I have a friend like Hal. We got to a point that if something absolutely had to start at 8:30, we told him 7:15, 7:30 at the latest. Then he'd normally only be five minutes late. But I loved the funeral. Late for his own. Perfect ending.
618
618
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
The sad tone of this story is so well maintained throughout. You keep the emotion to the fore at all times, filling it with regret and melancholy. If the point of the story is to make you think about your life and make you thankful for what you have... then it works superbly.
619
619
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I think this was a fraction long; it could easily have been condensed. Also the grammar errors did make some sections awkward to follow and understand at times. Having said that (and sorry for the negativity), the concept of the cat making its powers known in the way it did is very good.
620
620
Review of Atrocity  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I'll start with two negatives (apologies in advance) - I became a little lost at times in the beginning, working nout what was happening, and there were too many cliches peppered throughout. Okay, now the good. The tension in the air was well done and even managed toi build up more and more as it went on. The ending was totally appropriate and one I did not see coming. The monster was believable. Good work.
621
621
Review of Time  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
The brevity helped this - punchy and to the point. The only thing I would recommend is to change the langauge used in the Greek situation, make it more formal, as especially Plato wrote very properly. But a nice, short, sharp and shint sci-fi story. Well done.
622
622
Review of Where Art Thou?  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Yeah, I'm with you. It's the same here in Australia. I enjoyed the way you put this and found myself nodding furiously to many of your points. I guess my difference is where you wrote "yawn" i would have written "grr." It gets me angry. Thanks for the chance to vent, and thanks for your own considered rant.
623
623
Review of Life's Lessons  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The block writing style made this a little hard to follow at times; more paragraphs would help. But as I read I found myself wanting to know more about not only what you were feeling but why you were feeling it. It could easily be fleshed out into a very contemplative essay. I think this could be something very good.
624
624
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wonderful. You even manage to give 'Pen and Paper' character. I think this is something many writers feel, and you have managed to put it into words in such a wonderful way. I smiled all the way through this. It made me feel a little sad that about three quarters of my own writing is done straight onto the computer nowadays. Well done, and congratulations.
625
625
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
Sorry to be negative. This does not fit in with the character of Dawkins as he is portrayed in the media. It is just some one with the same name. Paragraph formatting made this hard to follow in places. And some small spelling issues were distracting (it took me a while to work out what coco was). Sorry. The concept is an interesting one, however.
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