*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/23
Review Requests: ON
1,231 Public Reviews Given
1,261 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 19 20 21 22 -23- 24 25 ... Next
551
551
Review of Fire and Snow  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very well done piece of flash fiction, keeping a whole story well in the 300 word limit. You actually set a sense of place and even of time within those words, and the character of Tahn was realised as an actual person.

From a technical viewpoint, the spelling and grammar/punctuation were very good as well. However, the very last sentence was run-on; it should be cut after "moon" with a period. I would then make "They were going to be okay." a single sentence on its own and a paragraph on its own.

Just a suggestion, and apart from that, great work!
552
552
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was a compelling argument - though I was not sure if it was against attitudes or for the song - and then you hit us with the ending. I did the spit laugh. So well thought out and put down as an exposition ... and then to be the cause. Brilliant.

Technically, a well-written piece. Punctuation, grammar, spelling textbook. I guess the only thing is that it is normal for the song to be identified through single quotation marks, especially for some one who may not know the song (as it does sound like a band name).

I think the the only thing that let it down was that last sentence/paragraph. It was a non-sequitur. Maybe: "Well, if Elton John isn't going to hell, I think I probably am." Okay, not that, but something along those lines.

Apart from that, really well done.
553
553
Review of DISPLACED  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
An interesting anthropomorphised look at the plight of animals verus man. From a strictly story telling poiint of view, this sort of tale - where animals overcome their insticnts in order to work together and survive, is much more suited to a child reader, however the language used here and some of the situations are more adult.

There were a few homophone errors (their for there, for example), some punctuation issues (commas, apostrophes, etc) and the verb tenses jumped all over the place. This last especially made the story a little jarring to read.

Having said that - and I apologise for being so negative - the way the story was written, the situation, was well done.
554
554
Review of Nerd vs Geek  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.0)
The concept of this is quite good. And even some of your arguments make a deal of sense. You have a clear introduction and conclusion as well, necessary in any argument.

Two things, though. It needs some tighter editting. Capital letters, commas, other elements of punctuation, all of these things need to be improved. If you are writing for more than just yourself (and being at WDC I would guess that is the case), then these are the things that are going to make an editor look at you seriously. And the seocnd thing relates to the first - use paragraphs!

I know it is meant to be a humorous appraisal of the whole thing, and for the most part the humor generally works, but I think it can be made even better.

Good luck!
555
555
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
A good overview, and bringing up many points. However it did become bogged down a little in places, especially in the last paragraph. I think to alleviate this, splitting it into a few more paragraphs would really help. Each new point should be a new paragraph, with subsequent sentences supporting this one point. I also feel the piece as a whole lacks a real introduction and conclusion.

This sounds negative, but I don't mean for it to be. The structure of the argument is, on the whole, very well done, and the technical aspects of the writing - punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc - is textbook. And the arguments themselves are well thought out with very good points throughout.
556
556
Review of The Spectre  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice twist on the traditional ghost story. It started off quite well (I liked the "bowels quivered" phrase) and got a nice atmosphere going.

But then it seemed to lose its way a little. The funeral scene is a little jarring. This could have been mentioned earlier - [suggestion] George is dreaming of a funeral, but like always he wakes up before he can see the face of the deceased.

When that person tells him it was 86 years ago, then the memory of the face can hit him like a clock bell. Then he remembers, when confronted like that, that it was his own.

I don't know, just a suggestion.

The writing itself was good, with nice tight editting and use of grammar, punctuation, etc. And the concept, as I said, was a strong twist on an old favourite.

Sorry for seeming so negative.
557
557
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Cool, and the argument put forth as to just *why* imagination is more important than knowledge is, in fact, really strong. I liked the way the debate was framed, around RDR, which would make this definitely somehting that could be used to help younger people understand what was going on.

My only quibble is the age of the little sister. Sometimes her language and actions indicate young, maybe 11 or 12; at other times it seems she is pushing 16. A little consistency with her character is lacking.

But apart from that, well done. A really good story.
558
558
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
What age group are you aiming for with this story? The situation sort of lends itself to maybe that 10-12 year old group, the characters are pitched slightly younger and the writing styles used are a mixture, the length is more 9-12 yo.

The story itself is a good one, well thought out and stands as a sort of pre-YA fantasy.

But I think you need to decide your market, read a heap of books aimed directly there and that should help. I've written two YA books (one published) but my former job as a school teacher helped me have an understanding of what the publishers and children were after.

Some pointers:

Some of your paragraphs are quite long. They will need trimming or splitting. Your punctuation for direct speech needs some editting. Many of the characters are interchangeable in their attitiudes and actions; they need to be differentiated more than by species. Some of the extraneous detail is unnecessary as well, as it does not contribute to the story as a whole.

Sorry for being so negative. It has been said that writing for children is one of the hardest things an author can do, and anyone who gives it a go should be prepared for more rewrites than they have ever done before.

Sorry again, but I hope you do not give up. This deserves to be kept.
559
559
Review of THE COFFIN  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Intriguing look at death. Two things, though: why "reign" in the first line? It really did not seem to make sense. Second, I found myself reading it fast. Maybe some longer syllables to slow it down could help?

Okay, enough negativity. It was a really strong poem, with just the right sense of foreboding to make it quite eerie. Nice one.
560
560
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I've only heard one track from Bat Country and was not that impressed, and after your review will probably not bother should they ever venture to Adelaide.

Your reviewing style is reminscent of the stream of consciousness trend that has grown up across the Inbternet. It is a review style I am familiar with (a website I write for does them like this often), but it also means the style itself is becoming a little cliched and while you have some good things to say there is a chance you will get lost in a very large shuffle.

If you do want to try and take it beyond websites and into more mainstream attention, there are a number of commas, full stops, apostrophes, etc that are misused or missing. The spelling in general is pretty good. So, really, some tighter editting would not go astray.

This is not to say I think you should not do this. It was actually very informative and, especially with tracks like 'Sweet December', strangely emotive. So keep on doing this and I hope you can stand out from the crowd.

Well done.
561
561
Review of Art is a lie?  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
An interesting and well researched little article. The points you made were certainly ones I had not considered before, and actually gave more meaning to Picasso's quote.

Technically there were a number of missing commas and full stops in the piece, but this is just a matter of re-editting. And some of the points I think can be tightened a little, eliminating some extraneous information that does not help the argument you are trying to make; reduce it from 1600 to at the most 1500 words. Also the standard is to use a superscore for the numbers used in citations, but not knowing WDC that well yet, it might be a matter of the site not allowing it.

The reason I say this is that there are a number of serious art journals that could well consider a piece such as this for publication, as well as a number of university magazines and even some of the news-style magazines. I think it would actually do well and may even have a chance of wider publication.

Well done!
562
562
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Oh, dear God, can I ever relate to this! (My 'Pong' game still works, by the way, and my son thinks it is a real hoot!) While we don't own a Wii, we have borrowed one and... Never mind. This was a well written piece. Technically I could find nothing wrong, and the structure was text-book. A very strong piece and with one of the best, most well thought out topics. Excellent!
563
563
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Amusing poem. I liked the way you didn't mention in the poem that it was a bat but gave enough hints (belfry, hanging upside down) to indicate that that was the narrator. I think my biggest problem with this piece is that, for a rhyming poem, it does not have a consistent rhythm. The syllable count for each line is pretty good, but I think it is the mix of long and short syllable sounds that could be the issue.

Sorry for that, but I did enjoy the poem.
564
564
Review of Manboy  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A stunningly raw account of a relationship between the sort of people who are not usually the focus of such scrutiny. Some of the metaphors (e.g. poverty eating him) are so apt and so picturesque.

However, sorry, but there are a few things. There are a lot of run-on sentences which could do with breaking up. The long sentences leave the reader wanting to catch their breath, and for this sort of narrative, that's not the effect I feel you want. And a small thing: the name of the book should not be in dashes, which equate to parentheses, but in sibngle quotes or italicised. Small thing, but the way it is written at the moment makes it jar a little.

Still, great piece and well done.
565
565
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
Some interesting observations on the human condition and life in general. A few missing apostrophes are probably the only errors I found, but this does not detract from the 'wisdom' (word used advisedly) of these little sayings. Some interesting philosophical points here. Well done. Love it.
566
566
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think there could have been more options.

"To give voice to those who have none."

"To inform the wider world."

Suggestions. It felt limited.

Oh, and also the word is spelled "portray".

Sorry to be negative. It is an intriguing question. If you get enough responses you could well use this as the basis for your own research into an essay on this topic.
567
567
Review of Should  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I really enjoyed this. The anthropomorphising of the words was excellent, and it all made perfect sense. Further, there were no obvious technical errors that I could find. It was flawless in every way. I really enjoyed it and am heading to your portfolio to see what else I can see.
568
568
Review of Sometimes  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A sad piece, filled with what seems genuine emotion. Technically it seemed very proficient, with no obvious errors.

I think the only thing I would suggest is the ending. It seems to finish a sentence short of a definite conclusion. I know there is not a real conclusion to this, as it is an ongoing mental battle, but the final sentence ("No force... conclusion.") seems to be crying out for a qualifier.

Sorryt for sounding negative, but I did enjoy the piece.
569
569
Review of Lessons from Life  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
A good piece. The opening Dante story was a good way to introduce your concept, and you finish with an affirmation which rounds the piece out well.

A few minor technical points, if I may.

"Retrospecting, I have so many happenings in my life till now, for which I am grateful to. " This sentence is clunky and does not read well in the flow of everything.

Feedback is generally never used in the plural (feedbacks).

"How nice would it be if each one of us are made to" - the "are" should be a "were".

Small things that will not take much to tidy up.

If I were you, I'd consider submitting this to the Reader's Digest or similar; they occasionally publish works like this and pay okay as well.
570
570
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Not a bad review. This film is regarded by a few as the genuine precursor to the romantic comedies that followed, with a good mix of the two; it is nice to read some one acknowledge that.

A few little things. Gregory Peck has one "g" in the middle. It was not Hepburn's debut movie, but her feature film leading lady debut; unless you meant the debut of her as a focal point.

As far as the review goes, it is comprehensive and tells the story well. The opinions of the camera work and the chemistry between the two leads is widely acknowledged; your assertion that the acting is "second to none" was disputed by Peck himself, who considered the film one of his "less challenging" roles. A small quibble.

There are many smaller websites and minor publications crying out for people willing to review older movies (especially as anniversary DVD releases come out); I think, based on this, you should seek some of them out and give it a go.
571
571
Review of Spider  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice parallel, ith the extended metaphor working well throughout. The rhythm was easy going and it as simple to match the feel of what the two hunters were going through. Maybe feverishly and me was a forced rhyme, and the last line seemed too long; it did not scan well with the rest of the poem or its rhyming couplet partner. Two small things in what was an entertaining poem. Well done.
572
572
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
At least two of these responses I would not have thought of. For five choices, I actually had to think hard about my answer. Well done.
573
573
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting essay that looks at the 'problem' thoroughly... to a point. Editorially, there are a few missing commas and apostrophes, but nothing that a little tight editting read-through would not help.

Now, my point. There is one aspect of FaceBook marketting that I feel you have missed, and which does seem to work. The 'Like' button. Quite a few businesses set up a FB page, get a few people to like it. This is then, by default recommended to their friends. Some of these might like it, and so their friends get recommendations. And so it goes. A new clothing manufacturer in my home state started this way, working out of a shed with 3 people. They now, 15 months later, employ 10 people, and the only advertising they did was FaceBook and giving their clothing free to a dozen athletes.

Okay, but apart from that one aspect, I thought your argument was well-thought out and structured very well.
574
574
Review of Becoming a Parent  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
An interesting celebration of parenthood. A few suggestions to tighten it, though:

"My body is not as petite..." This is a run-on sentence. I would suggest stopping it at the word "appearance", so the discussion on height and surprise becomes a new sentence.

call out, "Mummy!" to me. just some tighter editting.

"...creates an inferiority complex..." This is an interesting statement and comment; I think you could expand it here quite easily.

"...to drop in the medicine in the baby bag.." maybe could be "...to drop medicine into the baby bag..." just to get rid of word repitition.

I think it also needs a closing sentence.

But it is clear you enjoy parenthood; this comes through in your writing.
575
575
Review of Darkness  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
The imagery of this is generally good and definitely gives that sense of foreboding such a subject warrants. I especially like the line "Death crawls in her empty veins." Eeerie.

I'm not sure it reads consistently, with the shorter lines giving way to the longer lines in the middle and at the end. Some small editting quibbles "An angel", "a deliverer of bad news" "who cannot find their way" for "whom..."... Little things.

But a good poem, well done.
620 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 25 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/23